Newspaper Page Text
"A young lady <f my acquaintance, who
Is a public school teacher, had a very funny experience one cold morning recently," re marked a man who goes calling. "My friend possesses a rather expensive fur neck piece, which she values highly. It is one of those animal affairs, including the head of the beast. eyes. mouth, teeth and all. This teach* r is assigned to a school In a part of the city where the children have not had the benefit <>f the most refilling sur roundings ami tnllue??'?L To speak plain ly. the majority of the young citizens are in the tough class. "As the teacher was about to enter the s< hool building the morning I refer to an urchin with freckled face made a spring at her and grasped her about the neck. He w is evidently excited. Suddenly the boy shouted: 'I've g..t im by ther throat? lemme git at is tail." This exclamation was repeated several times. "With the assistance of the janitor the t- icher was rescued, so to speak. By dint of persistent questioning the little fellow give the information that he had consid ered the fur a Jive animal and his sole itb a had been to protect the teacher from |> ssible harm." ***** " President Roosevelt shaves every day. or lather is shaved," said an attache of the ?White House. "A young colored man named Delaney. who is a messenger at the White II ease, is the President's barber. He is from Alexandria. Va.. and was in the gov ernment service f >r some time before he w..3 ? Mlgnnl to the White House to at tend to the President's head and face and to 1? rforni the duties of messenger. Delaney usually shaves the President between "J:3i> and :i o'cloek each afternoon, after lunch is served and the President's guests at lunch go away. Sometimes the shaving is done earlier in the day. 1 have seen De laney m iking his arrangements f ir shaving t>? fore 1 ::o o'clock, at an hour when the pr. sident was supposed to be rec? iving vis itors. but this was nearly always on days when there wer no visitors or callers wait ing to see the Pr> sident. In t'ne cabinet r im is a folding barber's chair which, when n >t in use. is pi iced against th" w all and remains unobserved. The President sits in this and is sh iv i in the cabinet room. Delaney folds the chair and puts it away v h. 11 h' g. s through. The work Is quickly ?1 i! . as the l'resid-nt apparently begrudges the tim> taken and wants t > be up and do i: s imethlng President McKinley always shavtd himnlf. using either a safety or rt-t i! ir raz r !!? ml?l handle a razor with gr? at e ase, as he had been accustomed t> sh aving himself f .r years. When he v.-nt '.way he shaved himself as usual. He < il l d> the j >b "n a flying train as easily :'s when in his r ? m. President Roosevelt ?I- * s not know how to share himself <? m f >r 11-1 ? im! t ikes Ivlaney with liim when 1. ? g > off any wh 'n ." ^ * rfr M i-'t of the bass fishermen in town have J ine.l rbe ^ i;" i-liibs. The "dosed season" f..r li.i s is r w on and will continue until June 1. d.irirg whi< h time no r. al fisherman tv ? d 'l?h for l-ass. But a f. How has to do MHlbttg and as a t?o-Ml snow is about th. oi;I\ thing which can make a closed s. ,s-?n f ?r golf, the lovers of out-door lif - ar ? <k;rg : g.-'f in great numbers. Sev er il desirable g 'if ciubs are in existence in W ishington and ev r> forenoon and after i: .on th. suburban 1 mnd cars carry their c r.ilngent of ? I b-lad.n men and women, wh ? e mi. back with a high, rich color anil dusty b iots. - -:<*** S> r i'or Hanna . f Ohio is one of the most ItwikaM DM :i i:i Congress. He is some times gruff in his manner and might easily g'.ve the impression that he is a hard man t i enter Into conversation with. While he is or.e of the busiest men in t:o- world, he always finds time to listen to per- .i.s who beg his ear. Senator Hanna has one p<*culiarity that stands pre-eminent. He never eats alone. If he is not with some i,ne he Invariably enters Into conver i?-!?i n with the waiter or some one at an other table. He is a lover of good things, b .t the gas'rii juices of his stomach do i . ways perf irni their proper functions. The s>i.at r was fp.ting lunch in the Sen ate restaurant the other day when an old friend from Kentucky, who was on a visit to the Capitol, drifted in. Around the seri al >r s plate were grouped a number of dish is and he was delving into them with ap parent relish. Th-y e-ntereil Into conversa tion and finally the ser,at,.r said: "l>o you know that I have one ambition in life; an ambit: -n that is paramount to al! others?" "The presidency?" queried his friend, good r. iturediv "X said the senator. ' Well, what then?" "1 would like to eat everything that the palate mold wish the finest dishes thit Can be prepared, and??" Here the senator stopped. "'And what?" asked #ijs friend. "I would like to have th<- work of diges tion devolve upon s .me good democrat." * ? ? * * Tic desire <>f people to get into "private" Kalleries it the Capitol often passes the un derstanding of people who would just as s on watch the proceedings from one gal lery as another, especially as the "private"' galleries have not a single advantage either In the nature ? f comfort or desirability of the vb w . f the Senate and the House of Representatives that can be Secured from th. in In the Senate and House galleries are as:de as private and admission to them ? an only be secured by presenting .t card signc 1 by a senator in one case and by a representative in the other. It is a rare occasion, indeed, on which a crowd Is in the public galleries and there is not the 1 .st difference between them and the sec Rector?"Why, doctor, where are you off ?T'>ss roads." Doctor?"Well, the fact is, I've got a p hounds are certain to come this way." Rector?"I see. Killing two birds with tions sot aside and railed oft for the use ?' those who present cards. Yet the pri vate galleries are every day sought by hundreds of people who make requests of senators and representatives for cards of admission. These cards admit their bear ers for a limited number of days, which are specified in each case, the privilege usually being granted for ten days. The private galleries play a very important part in the daily life of senators and rep resent a tlves. as admission to them Is a privilege" which thev can extend to visit ing constituents, and many a one coming here from the old home carries back as a precious memento of a visit to the capital of the nation a card signed by a United states senator or representative of his dis trict showing that for a given number of days he had been given the run of the private gralleries. "It doesn't look like very much In Wash ington, said a senator who had Just writ ten his name on several cards, "but it Is a great thing back in the state to show that you have been in the swim at the national capital. ^ 5(: * * * Some of the clcrks in the War Depart ment played a joke on a well-known clerk in the telegraph office the other day. They got a cheap cigar, filled it with small pieces of rubber and then gave it to the telegraph man. He is always playing prae'tical jokes on his fellows and they were merely trying to even up. He started in to work as usual and puffed vigorously on the cigar. He must have had a cnlel in his head, for he didn't seem to notice the foul smell that soon permeated the atmos-, phere. His associates could hardly Manel* it. however but they didn't know about the cigar. T he odor finally became over lJowenng and the smell of rubber was un mistakable. As there had been some trout Ie with the telegraphic apparatus, the inno cent victims concluded from the smMl that the insulators had caught fire. An expert electrician was summoned from the West ern I nion office anil spent some time < x amming the^ switchboard connections. It was not until after he reported that there was nothing at all the matter wirh them that the truth dawned upon the operators that It was merely a case of "bad cigar." it was a curious commentary on the smok er s taste that he didn't know he was not smoking tobacco until those around him informed him of the fact. & * & sf: 4: The small attention paid to most speakers in the Senate and House of Representatives is often commented on by visitors to the galleries. But while speakers are not lis t"ied to. they are read. A great many sen ators and representatives read not only n< wspaper reports of congressional pro re f lings, but the official report con taineel in the Record as well. They devote the first hours of the morning to this labor. Many of them read orer the list of bills introduced and reports made ? n various matters from committee, and later run over :h ? pile of these bills and reports which are furnished to them daiiv -Not a few senators spend much time hunt h u0 ,iark Sentleman in Th wh,u h they now and then find. He title of a bill may indicate that its purpose is far different from what is shown t h Z'e ol,sr "rP Paragraphs. Manv of tl.se diligent "watchdogs" do their best ti-at thL S"mmittres, for it ls we], knowJ) . 't i? m<?st serviceable men in Congress often those whose counst 1 is given in committees and who are only occasional!" luard in debate on the floor of either house * * * 5': "I never read of the flights of carrier pigeons," remarked an old citizen to a Star reporter, "that it does not bring to my mind some early recollections in that con- i nection. I was raised down te>wn, Tem perance Hall alley, between ilth and 10th, and E streets, being in the rear of my home. Nearly one-half of the boys of my fn" kept pigeons?and in nearly every loft there were some carriers. There was W little expense about it. for the pigeons got all the feed they needed around the old Marsh market, which afterwards got the name of the Center market. This was be fore the days of the telegraph. It was the day of the lotteries, and lottery offices or exchange offices, as they then called them, were licensed and were conducted as open as churches or shoe stores are now. One of the biggest lotteries of my boyhood days was that by which this city raised the money to build the present court house, but which was then known as the- city hall. The capital prize was and was won by a boy friend of mine, who lived in Alex andria. Though nearly all the smaller prizes were paid the city, for some reason refused to pay the capital prize. A lon^ suit against the city ensued, but -in the end the city got the best of the suit and has ne\er paid a dollar of it since. VI ell, that boy, who was a frequent visitor to my house with a number of our crowd, conceived a plan to beat the private lotteries, which were drawn daily in Balti more. and. which, through its agents here, sold a great quantity of tickets in this city and Alexandria. The drawings took place there, in the mornings generailv. but they liid not reach here until late in the evening". Originally they had to come over on the but after the raiireiad began opera tion they got over in about four hours. 1 here were no forty-five-minute trains then Three hours for way trains and two hours and a quarter for express trains was con sidered awful fast running, and when the latter did it in two hours we thought ttie limit had been reached. The lottery draw ings came over on the way trains for the reason that the man who brought them had to make certain stops to give drawings to persons along the line. "Our plan was to send one of our crowd to Baltimore and get him to send the draw ings over by a carrier pigeon so that we could play to a certainty. The thing work ed handsomely for a week or so. but the lottery people found it out and delayed an nouncing the figures that came out of the wheel for four hertirs. By that time thctl man was here, so that our scheme was nipped in the bud. We were considerably ahead of the lottery, though, when they found us out. I don't remember all the boys who were in it now. but I do distinctly three One of them has been a governor ot a leading western state for three terms and served four terms in Congress. Another was a prominent clergyman afterwards and was the pastor of a church in this city lor twenty years, elying only a few vears ago. Another was a successful business man founding a business which, though he died thirty years ago, is now carried on by ills grandchildren and in the same firm name." to? I thought the meet was down at the latient up here that I must see, and the one stone,' eh?"?Punch. DIDN'T HEAR A WORD There were plenty of vacant seats up for ward In the open car, but the hatchet faced woman with the baggy umbrella and the faded reticule didn't want to see them. The conductor, with his hand on the bell strap. motioned her with the other hand to one of the forward seats, but she didn't want to see tbe conductor either. So she deposited herself and her baggy umbrella and her faded reticule In the next-to-the last seat, alongside a short, squat man with a bristly reddish mustache and a fixed stare right ahead. This individual was puffing Industriously on a raveled, pale olive-hued cigar, that gave forth eccentric clouds of brownish smoke that looked as If be Issuing from a burning-out No sooner had she taken her seat than the hatchet-faced woman began to glare at the man with the freak smoke. The man. however, kept right at his work of puffing never seemingly taking his eyes from the back of the motorman's neck, straight ahead. "I'gh!" ejaculated the hatchet-faced wo man. when she found that her glares nt relieving the situation any. "Ugh!" The man with the eccentric fumcr pulled >ifr ifr ,than ever- and continued to regard the back of the motorman's neck as if fas eirated by that spectacle. "Some folks' manners, if I must say It'" snapped the woman with the baggy um brei.a. wriggling in her seat and continu ing to direct vitriolic glares at the reddish mustaehed man. The latter remcved the cigar from his mouth, gazed at it in a contemplative, af fectionate sort of way, dampened some of the many loose ends of the thing with a forefinger, replaced it in his mouth and continued to fill the air with deep-brown smoke. "No more respeok for ladles than so many rabbi's, some of 'em, I do declare!" exclaimed the hatchet-faced woman, fetch ing the ferrule of her bulgy umbrella down on the car floor with a bang. The squatty man with the piece of burn ing. raveled rope, crossed his legs and con tinued to smoke with great obvious enjoy ment. although he was still interested in the general contour of the motorman's neck. their filthy see-gar smoke right In the faces o' ladies old enough to be their mothers, an' never so much as apologizin', neethe went on the woman with the faded reticule, while the other men in the rear seats, none of whom happened to be smoking, snickered and glanced at each other grinningly. l*ut the man with the hempen article only redampened some more of the loose ends of his smoke and then went on pulling on it wl(*i even more enjoyment than before 'An' might jes' as well talk t' some swine as I could tell of as t' so many cob blestones." continued the hatchet-faced woman, raising her reticule from her lap ami putting it back there with a jolt. The conductor happened to be passing on the sideboard just then, and he smiled as he said in a courteous tone to the hatchet fa red woman: Lady, these seats are reserved for smok ers-move up in front at the next stop and you won t be bothered." The woman with the bulgy umbrella shot the conductor a look of the most over whelming scorn as she made reply: They ain t no sich thing as reservin' no seats on no cars nowheres for hogs, an' you ' -voun& man, as well as I do'" The conductor shrugged his shoulders and passed on forward. But the man with the blazing bit of cauliflower had never turned his head i" u K , or ,eft dl,r|ns this colloquy, nor had he given the slightest indication, bj any expression of his face, that he was e\? ?warp ,of what was going on. i li very idee o' ladies bein' ast t" change their seats in cars f'r th' sake o' leUin? common, every-day cattle makp noosavces woman? VCS' sn!ffed the hatchcd-faced Just at that moment a man with a sin Riilarly plastic countenance ???limbed into the vacant seat on the sloe of the man wrth the raveled smoke'. The two sMnfi th 'V,?h other '"stanly. am' in stantly they began a quick exchange of con \ersation-with th, ir hands, deftly and swiftlj going through the ever-int-^restip* language of the ninte? The expression that sw.pt over the sharp feat 11 ri s of the woman with the baggy um brella could never be .leac.-ib.--1 T 1?wa":~he, ^ver heeard a word l said. she ejaculated, and then ?,he signaled the conductor to stop the c-ir at iVf' crossing and tnere del ark-d wh le the men in the rear scats chuckled aloud and the two mutes went on. all un eonsciousiy. with their language of the A JOINT DEBATE. In Which One Speaker Never Had a Chance to Speak. -r saw by the papers the other day that a new end bloody feud had broken out in the mountains, of Kentucky." said a man from that state. "No one can fully appre ciate these feuds unless he has lived In the counties where the trouble is located. There are many quaint characters in the mountain portion of the state. Of course there are nit many people In Washington ?ho remember 'Parson' Hopkins, who was given a seat in Congress a number of years ago over Joe Kendall, whose father had been In Congress before the son attempted to come here. 'Parson' Hopkins was a Baptist minister in the tenth district and was much loved by his people. The re publicans knew that he would be the only person who could win In a contest for the [ilace, and so they nominated him. It was many days before the chairman of the dis trict republican organization could find where the parson was. At last he was lo cated away up in a mountain county con ducting a camp meeting. He refused to Jiscuss politics until he concluded his meet ing three days later. Many democrats who had never cast a republican vote put In ballots for 'Parson' Hopkins, and became Insulted if they were told they had voted republican. 'We are voting IJaptist,' was the way they put it. "Joe Kendall had tried every way possi ble to get Parson' Hopkins into a Joint de bate, but the parson would not consent. One day the parson went into a town where Kendall was to hold a meeting and unex pectedly ran into Kendall. The latter promptly challenged the parson to joint de 5te' Mr- H?Pk|ns reluctantly consent h ,R3 t,>rn?s .however, were that he should have the opening. The democrats were rejoiced, and declared that Kendall would wallop 'Parson' Hopkins roundly At 1 o clock, the hour set for the joint de bate to begin, the parson was introduced by the chairman. 'Parson' Hopkins opened the meeting with prayer, then read a long se lection from the Bible. gave out a hymn and read more from the Bible. Finally he entered upon his speech. When dark came lie was still speaking, by which time nearly all the men had gone to their homes to lock after their cattle, horses, etc., and as no arrangement had been made for lighting the meeting place Kendall never did get a chance to respond to the opening. The loke was on Kendall." A Kindly Act. A leaky spigot, a big dog and a tramp taught the passing throng on F street the other morning a little lesson in humanity. The big dog had on no collar. He. like the tramp, was battling Tor a simple exisience. He liad come to the spigot for a drink Just enough water leaked from it into the catch bas.T-. beneath to whet his appetite without gratifying it. His eye would fol low a drop with lightning rapidity* down through the grated basin. He would then look up at the spigot most wistfully. Of the passing crowds there was none who no ticed him until a "knight of the road." with a tightly rolled blanket flung over his shoulder, slouched past the corner of 13th and F streets. Before he had crossed the street he saw the dog and Interpreted at once his silent appeal. He went straignt to the spigot and turned the water on full jorce. holding it until the dog's thirst had been.quenched. The two tramps then saun tcred off in different directions. Improvement. Vrnni Purk. "Don't you think," I inquired of the prosperous-looking man with the heavy mustache and watch ?haln, who was dressed in the 14-inch balk line suit, "that the world Is getting better?" "Sure!" he replied, with the frank en thusiasm of success. "Not only better but easier." ? ' FORBIDDEJf FRUITS R h#r think1 tl .h? "?>? -r? their age," auka I he mWdie-a^/man with rtv.r tt,;" ^ '""ta ,h? rA" <*** or ?he tb,?? ;?l>Ty gzrx?: rlsht. They ",Z *nd ?? ?na the mrttSTrr ' *M *?Jo>' 'em' how to take care ne ?L g and teacb '? ain't any such themselves. But there boys of mine entey** ttie!rV,nVhai those swims as much as us n!? cut-and-dried had to sneak our swfrif. US6J? 1? when we the old folks in th ? unbeknownst to , there Isn't anV helW??'d ?rlKCk or river~ I that. It sure is o f. '"*,,such a thi"8T as childhood up take n J ? We *"? from "sht in doing- just of particular de know are forl?M?* those things that we ought to d?-s^m " ,and that we hadn't shows that there? a w-h^f >, l.hat fact ness in human nat.frJ?u f. h!ap ? cussed got to get worked 5 ' Jll8t naturally fore we're inserted ?n ? ?,Ur systems be earth. I know fm- n.?l,r ,lttle sl* feet of kid. I reached the *, l!?at when' aa a father s and motif ? a8re where I had my swimming as often*" ?,p5rm,sslon to go in swimming didn't J wanted to, why, and I wasn't half o m " 80 good to me, I had been wh?m i enthu?'ast'c over it as Quiet. When it ?ot L I?. Jng K on the ticularly mind mv D' ,hat the>' didn't par wouldn't feel Hk?. "o. ? n?* swimming I of times a week wh"g more'n a couple found out I'd hanr -,,TreaS, l'!*fore r,i been river, without anv <?,^Un the oId criok or till night, and I hltS.? on' orn morning down because thtt J? T the sun slope homewards f?r ?I D " - m>' havin? to the days 'u^ be^tiJ1?e1of'the year' when this time Of the year ? lonB about begin to get her Ive ' my m,>thPr would motives wh?n I'd tell he^fh S,U?pPctln^ my after trailing arbiit.,1 ? 1 was going trying to give hfir a\hl- fa-y appIes- a"<i that. She knew 3] ?k fairy ,aIes like swimming season i , ? beginning of when sheM see meJ m v?S *'*" as 1 d'd-and boys that trailed off t .wlth thc older wended its way hv Z?ar,9 '.he 'stream that town she'd be righT thnr ? tu?'d western to nail me nearlv o. ' ^ at 'he back door in those days eouldn'tV '. I!ut a moth"r for the movements ?f * P 'n'r eye ptel?l time, and I used t^ JLS y ali the sneaked swims with n?nt 3^'ay . for those 'uns of my own 3i-, ? 0 ot'ler young the same as I wfs *|if t w|ore P'aced just reached the stage whe~ ti ' that ha'ln't to go in swimming The~y W(re a""we<1 process in those dav? k, onl>' one that stage. That wn? ? i, to reach ing In on the quitt until? ''fht ?n Retting nabbed was InevLki"" out~,he after being nlmost H.ih. ? ,~and th'n. woodshed by v,.,ir j? <Jeath ,n the take you ,-.own the ch1K7 dad' have hln> were telling the truth or nn^f Whet.her you you could swim -\Vhen ? sa/lnK that and you could mik. maf e probably been going in T.n th^0' -' hiivI"P year or so and nwf. ' 1 h? 1u,et f?r a swim all around him ,un ^einRr able to home and sav 'VI-iw th^v. l^en ihe ,i come ? rnr never care.l mn^h ? ? a fellow hid <h f,,r swimming after he '?s>ar&w; Ssss '.s s? f sHi 1?'rr- *"5 - ??= m take off my jacket and shirt?mv dTd ZtHJt at home?so's she could see what and tri^d ,"'k- 1 S(1"lrmed and wriggled and tri. d to get out of it. but 1 hat] to dn it and of course she saw in a second that I ^ t W wa^in^^-^tered back ^hatnway; nerve ? that grand, good worilan that I'd been eat ing wil" strawWerries in the woods all dav ani, that the condition of my back mnW be attributable .to hives! ^ IS heah Tatke a Cl8ar st0re Indian bl.nh if he had to own up to it? She rubbed cold cream-not the stuff that you buy a^dr g ^nfl'?bUt lwe ^eaI thins right out of thf pan on my back, and then sat beside mv bei. and told me that she wouldn't tell dad on me if Id promise her never to go In beJwhene iWi permlss'?n, which would be when I was older, and she said that I ought to know that her life and dad's ife wouldn t be worth anything to them f 1 got drowned, and I promised-and ^ course. I went right in again the next dav an th whtflp,that 1 W!?s in common with all the rest of the kids of my dav Of am'rtet 1 rWUSi, ?nl> an 'responsible tad and jet, d ye know, even yet, I often think 'he litUe mother sitting there on the wifh t? MdV m the tiny' quiet room, with the moonlight streaming in. and some how or another I often wish that I hadTt broken those promises to her the way I A SIGN OF SPRING. Season of the Year When People Get Absent-Minded. "With the coming of warm weather and the consequent picking up of business on the suburban car lines my troubles are increasing." remarked the conductor of the Georgetown and Tenleytown railroad who seems to be convinced that his route is not strewn with nosegays. "You may never have taken notice, but it is a fact that spring is responsible for a regular con tagion of absent-mindedness. If the vic tims were all young folks I would conclude that the far-awayness was due to their fancies having lightly turned to thoughts of lo^fe, but the elderly people seem to be afflicted as seriously as the lads and las sies. "On an In-trip yesterday morning," ex plained the loquacious conductor, "a well dressed lady of middle age was one of my passengers. As I advanced to collect a fare from her she opened her purse, took therefrom a small clipping from a news paper and handed it to me. At a glance I saw that it was an advertisement in serted by a girl who wanted employment as chambermaid. An address on Ci street west of the War Department was given. I assumed that the passenger desired to know how to. reach the house, so I lifted my hat and iritormed her that the most di rect way was to leave my car at M street and there board an "F and G street" car of the avenue line, which would trans port her to a point very near her destina tion. "The lady looked at me as if I was crazy. She finally told she would appre ciate it If I woriW teff her what I was talk ing about, or' words to that effect. I got chilly in my language and, handing the advertisement1 ^back .to her, stated that it was natural for me to presume that she wanted to kno^r how to reach the chamber maid. "Well, that woman's face was a study for a moment or two. She turned all sorts of colors as she mtfmbled that she had made a mistake. When she handed me the advertisement she thought she was paying over a ticket. "But that's t?ot so very much worse than what happened at the start of this very trip." the coAductor added, as he made ready to move forward to transact busi ness with a passenger who had boarded the car at the front end. "A man who left a Metropolitan car down at P street shoved a toothpick at me for a transfer. This sort of thing w'.U keep up until about the middle of May, to judge from the occur rences of pawf years.' Social Triumph. From the Chicago Tribune. Mrs. Selldom-Holme?"I was fiorry I couldn't be there, but I understand Mrs. Upjohn's dinner was a great success." Mrs. Jenner Lee Ondego?"It was the most brilliant sucH*ess of the season. The people wtre packed so thick in her parlor they could hardly breathe, and more than a dozen Hne gowns were ruined In the crush at the dining room doors." JOBSON LEFT ALONE "My sister In Baltimore writes me that she d nice to have me run over and see her new house," said Mrs. Jobson to Mr. Job son on his arrival home from the office one evening a couple of weeks ago. "Does, hey T' was Mr. Jobson's offhand reply. "Well, why-n'choo go. then? No cable chains or hawsers or things like that tied to you, are there, eh?" no>" replied Mrs. Jobson: "only, of course, I don't like to leave you to shift for your?" "Now, Just hold on a minute with that, my dear," interrupted Mr. Jobson, taking a Colossus-of-Rhodes stand In front of her and thrusting his hands Into his trousers pockets. "Just keep the rest of that in. if you want to oblige me. What d'ye think s 5?,^ haPPen to me If you go away, eh? think that I won't be able to get mv coat on or off. or that I'll suddenly stop breath ing, or that I'll forget how to comb my hair, or that I'll lose out on the art of walking from one end of the room to the other, or something like that? If anv such notions have possession of you, Mrs. Job son just forget 'em, won't you? Don't >ou imagine that I won't be able to scrab ble along by my little old lonesome. Fact Is, I d rather enjoy it. Married folks are too much together, anyhow. They ought to be away from each other and out of all communication with each other for two or three months each year, at least." "I'd oniy be gone for a couple of davs." put in Mrs. Jobson. musingly, "and I could let the housemaid have a little vacation, and you could get your meals down town, and?" "That'll be all O. K." broke in Mr. Job son, shortly. "I guess I won't miss any thing in the way of meals or anything else that's coming to me. Stay as Ion* as you I'ke?a week, or two weeks for that matter. Be a change for both of us. Go ahead Might as well start the tirst thing tomor row morning." "Well, maybe I shall remain a week or ten days." answered Mrs. Jobson. in a matter-of-fact way that caused the off hand Mr. Jobson to glance sidewise at her. and then she went upstairs to pack. She departed after breakfast on the following morning. It was not until Mr. Jobson was remov ing nis office coat that afternoon that he suddenly recalled that his wife was away. He looked a trifle blank with the thought. Then he essayed to whjstle a devil-may care tune, and sallied forth to a restaur ant for his dinner. The meal seemed rather tasteless to him. although he bent over it with a rakish air and smoked a c4gar over his demi-tasse with a fine bachelor flour ish. The meal over, he went forth into the street, where he met a number of young blades from his office. Their garrulous, choppy talk seemed strangely vapid to him, although he played a couple of games of billiards with them and endeav ored to assume the manner of a footloose middle-aged husband enjoying himself mightily. They suggested one of the stag shows to him. but he couldn't see the sug gestion at all. He thought he might as well go along home and finish reading the evening paper and write a letter or so. The house seemed strange, not to say un canny. to Mr. Jobson when he let himself in. His heart sank, but he wasn't guing to admit it. so he whistled "A Hot Time," although the tune dwindled away Into a dirge before he had finished with it. Mr. Jobson lit all of the downstairs gas. "and drew the curtains. Then he leaned on the mantelpiece and gazed vacantly at the piano and tried to reflect upon what a bully thing grass widowhood was once in a while. His eye caught sight of Mrs. Job son's picture on the piano. He hadn't noticed that photograph before for a long time. He walked over to it and picked it up. "Darned pretty woman, that ?girl, all right," lie mused, half aloud, brushing away a bit of imaginary dust from the photograph with his sleeve. Then, after a pause, he added: "And the best that ever put on shoe leather, at that." Compelled to admit to himself that he was falling into pr<tty low spirits, Mr. Job son started to whistle some more. Then he sat down at the piano and began to pick out. with two fingers of his right hand, some of the favorite pieces that Mrs. Job son played for him. Apparently he found this dull work, and too reminiscent in the bargain, and so he suddenly left off and walked upstairs, where he lighted all of the gas. He watered some ferns in little pots on their dressing room mantel, and while doing this his eye caught sight of a note which his wife had left on the mantel for him before leaving. "Dear old boy," the note read, "remember that your shirts and collars and cuffs are in the second drawer of the chiffonier. I sent two of your suits to the cleaner's before leaving this morning. They will be ready in a couple of days. Don't forget to fill the saucer in the bird's cage each morning with water. I left him enough seed for a week. You must wear your overcoat if the days are chilly. I shall probably stay with sister for ten days. Shall write every day or so." Well, it had been a good many years since Mr. Jobson had pressed a vaguely scented bit of note paper to his face, but he did it when he read that note, and then he tugged at his collar as if a rising lump had made the collar a trifle to tight for his neck. "Best girl that ever came over the hills, all right," he murmured, and then he sat down on the couch and began to finish read ing the evening paper. It took him five minutes to discover the Impracticability of reading a newspaper held upside down, and when he made the discovery he threw it down in disgust and made ready for bed. It took him a mighty long time to fall asleep, and while he was tossing and turn ing he found himself reflecting that there had been a whole lot of things he'd said to Mrs. Jobson recently that he might just as well have kept to himself. Before he started down town the next morning he received a cheery letter from Mrs. Jobson. telling him that she was en joying herself immensely, and that her sister and brother-in-law were insisting upon her prolonging her visit to two weeks. Mr. Jobson experienced a queer, tight little clutch about the heart when he read 'he letter. At three o'clock that afternoon Mr. Job son. from his office, wired to Mrs. Jobson as follows: "Better return. Am threatened with pneumonia." Then Mr. Jobson deliberatey went home, removed his clothes, and propped himself up in bed. Mrs. Jobson got in at six o'clock that evening. There was an anxious look in her eyes as she sat down beside the bed, and Mr. Jobson gave her a reproachful, wound ed-fawn look and said: "I s'pose you'd let a fellow die right in his tracks without a helping hand while you gadded around to box parties and things in other cities wouldn't you'" j Then Mrs. Jobson knew that he was all right, and there was a dreamy smile on her face when he got up the next morning, ate | a large breakfast, and went off to the office whistling. Too Many Stars. The Senate clock that stands over the south entrance to the chamber has a sky blue face dotted with gilt stars The face of the Senate timepiece has been changed on several occasions since the building of the north wing of the Capitol, when the clock was first put in position. A popular delusion has existed among employes of the Senate and others that the face of the clock has been kept up to date by an occasional addition to the supply of stars in order to make them correspond to the number of states. The-other day an old employe of the Senate undertook to ascertain whether the forty-five states were represented on the face of the clock each by a star in order to learn whether the clock was in need of a new face. He counted the stars and discovered to his amaiement that over sixty of them were on the sky blue face of the timepiece, and so the pleasant de lusion has been dissipated. All on the Bill of Fare. From What to Eat. Col. Sam Reed was breakfasting at Del monico's. After looking over the French menu he said to the waiter: "You may bring me some eggs blushing like Aurora, and some breeches in the royal fashion, with velvet sauce, and for dessert be sure you bring a stew of good Chris tians and a mouthful of ladles." The astonished waiter said: "Sir, we don't serve such dishes." ?>, Y?fi\ yo.u J10' ffild the ffuest, pointing to the bill of fare. "Oeufs a la Aurore?cu lottes la royale sacque velout?compote de bon cretients?bouchee de dames." "All right," said the waiter; "ready in two minutes, sir." It MODEL DWELLING Uncle Sam to Build One at Arlington AS AN OBJECT LESSON HINTS ON BEAUTIFYING HOUSES AND LAWNS. The Planting and Care of Grass?Ef fective Use of Vines. Written for Th* E^eniug Star. A model rural homestead, serving as an object lesson in landscape gardening for people of moderate means, is a unique en terprise just conceived by Vncle Sam. Six acres of the government reservation at Ar lington, across the Potomac, have been re served for this novel purpose. I'pon It will immediately >e erected a ten-room frame cottage to cost $6,000. The primary object of this ingenious ex- j perimtnt will be to teach, at a glance. Ideal methods of grading, planting, cutting and watering lawns; of locating and adorning (lower beds, paths and drives; of beautify ing the porch; of screening out objection able views? of locating trees; of covering outbuildings with vines: of doing all man ner of things to make the exterior of the home beautiful. Through Arlington penetrates one of the most beautiful drives of America?one fre quented by the President and the elite .if the capital. The work of laying out this modtl homestead site thereupon has been intrusted to Professor I.,. C. Corbett, horti culturist of the Department of Agricul ture?a master in the tine art of landscape gardening. Taking his n< w enterprise us a t< xt, this savant yesterday laid down, in a few words, what he considers the line points to be obs. rv< d by all city people and country folk who are ambitious to beauti fy their lawns, their hack yards and the exteriors of their buildings with the flow ers, shrubs and trees which God has given. Cut this out and paste It in your scrap book: Care of the Lawn. "We will begin by laving out the lawn." said Prof. Corbett. "To be effective It should always rise from the street to the house?should rise at least eighteen inches in each 100 feet of depth. A lawn should always be full In the center, never hollow, and should grade off gently to the level of the public walk in front, not ending there in an abrupt bank. "If the soil be of clay it is an easy matter to get a full blue grass lawn: but If the soil be sandy white clover, Italian rye grass or red top must suffice. Most people either cut their grass too close or let it go to seed between mowings. A lawn mower should be set high enough to leave one ard a half or two inches of each blade of grass uncut; otherwise there will not be left sufficient leaf area for proper nourishment. Early in the summer lawns must be mowed often, with 1< ss fre quency toward and during autumn. The rule for this depends of course upon the season, whether it be wet or dry. In the fall, as soon as the ground freez. s. every lawn should be spread with decomposed manure, left In place until March. "If allowed to go to seed once grass will expend practically all of lis energy. Such neglect, therefore, will be fatal to a pretty lawn. Red top and blue grass will go to seed in the latter part of June or in July if not kept mowed. White clover will continue to go to seed all through summer. "Few people know when to water their lawns. The hose should never under any circumstances be applied during full sun shine. Evaporation is then rapid, and each I drop of water acts as a little lens or burn ing glass, focusing the sun's rays and actually scorching the grass blades. Com mence to water your lawn toward sunset or during the night. Make this a rule, and your grass will look refreshed. Laying Out Walks. "On a small city or town lawn the walk extending from the street to the front door should ordinarily be perfectly straight. Only in estates where there is at least an acre in front of the house are curved walks permissible. In the latter case the curve should be deep enough to allow the planting of shrubs, tall grasses or (lowers in the bay, inside of bend, to obscure distant ob jects and afford novelty of landscape at ea^-h turn. And in these clumps of bushes, or what not. so placed, variety should be striven for. We see too much uniformity of species in these clumps so placed in our parks and pretentious lawns. "Walks and drives should always be two or three inches below the surface of the surrounding lawn, so that when the eye passes over the grass it will see nothing but the expanse of green sward. The crown ing center of a path or drive must never rise to the level of the lawn. Flower Beds. A flower bed should never be located In the center of an expanse of front lawn, nor directly .n front of the house. Flowers should be planted in the angl< s of the house between the porch and main structure, bor dering walks, in the back yard or between sidewalks and the house, but never, 1 re peat, to interrupt the expanse of green sward between i.ie house and the street. Irregularity rather than formality should be striven for in border planting of any kind. Now. let us begin at the front of the house. If wild flowers are desired, you can get early effects from such species as tril liums, jacks-in-the-pulpit. phloxes or hepat icas?the last named are little, low-grow ing, white or blue flowers, common now In the woods. These can be mixed with daisies, for later effects, and also with dwarf sunflowers and golden rod to give the blaze of yellow so grand in the autumn. If y?u prefer the common bedding flowers, you can plant in the previous fall the early blooming pansles. tulips and hyacinths, fol lowed by the coleus. geraniums. scarlet sage, cannas, elephant's ears or castor beans. Plant i-.ese in the front angles of the house and at the sides of the porch steps. Arrange the tallest In the rear and bank those of lower growth in front. Beautifying the Porch. The porch should be covered with vines carried up In narrow columns to form arched openings conforming to the archi tecture. The greater mass of vims should be near the eaves and snould hang down, giving the graceful effect of drainry. The best vines for porch decoration are Boston ivy, five-fingered ivy, actinidia and akebia. especially the last two. which are absolute ly free from insect enemies. 'The most artistic arrangement of porch boxes planted with flowers is to place them on a level with and outside of the hand rails, extending the series entirely around. They should be filled with low-growing, hardy plants, such as geraniums, lobelia, vlnca and nasturtiums, trained to fall over and trail. Background Screens. 'For every house of this category should be planted an Irregular background screen, hiding the vegetable garden, outhouses or other objectionable views at the rear, or wherever they may be situated. If the house be new and Immediate effects are desired certain high grasses are best. But with these should be planted such shrubs as berberry, sweet shrub, dogwood, haw thorn, deutzla, silver thorn, strawberry bush, rose of sharon, bush honeysuckle or mock orange. These will mature and later give permanent effects. Among the tall grasses are the arundo donax, or giant reed, growing to a height of fifteen feet; zebra grass, six feet; eulalia grasalis, three feet. A large pyramid of these grasses, planted In concentric circles, the tallest In the center and the shortest outside, provides a screen giving a tropical effect. Their dry stem* stand throughout winter with out detriment to the landscape. If cut down In the early spring they will attain their growth and color by summer. In the rear of the house such tall plants as cas tor beans, scarlet sage and cannas may also be grown to shut out objectionable view*. * "Outbuildings should be covered with vines. If they are of brick, this Is an easy matter, but If or frame, the problem la jt trlUe trior# difficult. For brick building* Bostoni Ivy Is be*t. north of Wa*hia?to?. fcn*ll?h hry *outh. The? vines will dine to tne brick#, but on frame outbuilding* supports must be provided for nearly all vine*. There are two very excellent Jap anese specie*, actlntdla and akebiR to be recommended for the latter; also the na tive five-fingered Ivy and the bitter sweet common In the north All of these serve well for covering fences as well as out building* Rabbit netting wire affords them the best support "For covering hanks where gr*a* will not rrow Japanese evergreen honeysuckle should be used. Locating Lawn Tree*. ? Trees may be properly arranged In side yards and on either aide of patha. but never In roms, except along a straight path or the alreet walk. For the latter purpose nothing Is better |n the city than Norway maples and elms, also sugar and soft maples and some of the oaks Catalpa* are to ?>e eapeeiallv recommended for the west. American linden or bass wood for the east and northwest, for the lat'.r al?o the burr oak and gre. n ash. "As specimen trees for lawns the Amer ican plane tree-also called the button wood and sycamore-Is excellent for the east centra! and western country; for the climate of Washington and further south the oriental plane tree. Oth-r I.* r.utlfui lawn trees which I recommend are the Im proved cut-leaf and purple-leaf l..<r< h. < tit le* f birch and Weir's cut-leaf ma pi" The Japanese hiaddcr-pod tr< e \? v rv hand some. gives line foliage and tw.irs flower* In large clusters From Washington southward it Is excellent for I.twn plant ii "?"Tte climate there is the ...i a" *?" the b<ech ana ?ltlt very ornamental flower*. The north" Ml*0 rxc*"enl for lawns in the ? Trees planted along the Mr t should conform to Its lines In lawns and side J aids tree planting should always l.e Ir and promiscuous. cv*n 1<,riv,>s- ,,ut leaving in the mid.lie or the lawn always an open ?n.v?" JOI1X KI.FRKTII \\ ATKINS. Jr. WHERE SENATORS LIVE. Only a Few Have Established Hornet in This City. Comparatively few senators have estab lished homes of a permanent nature in this oitj. Not one-half of them malnt.iln a housekeeping establishment. Of the eighty eight senators now holding seats In Con gress thirty-three live in hot. Is and ten live in apartment houses. Three-fourths of those who reside in hotel* are uptown, the balance lieing southern senators, who have quarters In down-town houses that have he come famous in the pas: as stopping place* for southerners, and which still have mem orles of great statesmen clinging to them that form an attractive feature for many of those who continue to give them their patronage. All the senators ? xeept two live in the "northwest." the venerable Senator Pettus of Alaliam* being one of those who has taken up his domicile in another part of the city. Me is located on "The Hill." far Ifotu the Congressional Library building and the fapllol. A considerable number of those not In ho'rls or apart ments have rooms and board in privite houses. The popularity of hotels and apartm nt houses as abodes for senators Is enhanced for several reasons peculiar to the lives of public men. A house carries with it social responsibilities which are not always easy to avoid, however agreeable it might be for the s* nator to rid himself of th.-m Hut a life in a hotel does not mean that the s. na tor is taking Inn a small part In social af fairs. Some of those whose . if,.r:.1 Inni.-nts are the most lavish patroniz. hotels . cially since during the |:,st f, w w ars all the large hous. s have made . v.enslve im provements In which the id. a of l . vlsh en tertainm. nt on the part of gu. s s ha* li . n a prominent factor. The hot. | affords ldial conditions for those who wish to provide India-rubber conditions for en:ertainment which will <lo for a small party or for a great gathering at dinner or otherwise The uncertainty of politics lias doubt], ss had much influence on the plans or sena tors who come here, for while r w .f them have served for a quart* r of a c. n tury. and will doubtb ss be rI. , , ,| as long as they live. \. t the majority of terms of senators are so short as to hardly war rant the establishment of a private h .me here, involving large expense. SPOKEN IN THE PHILIPPINES. Many Different Languages in Use Among the Islands. 11.-re k re the languages they sp.-ak In the I hilippines: Ilocano. Igorote. pMngasinan. Pampangan. Tagal. His. ol. RIcol. Visa van. while in the northern part of Luzon there is still another tongue, and the Jolo trlb.-s speak still another, making ten languages for the 10.OKMiilii people. The dialects and languages of the "non-Chrlstlan tribes." as Governor Taft designates a large propor tion of this lO.ooo.ooo. are beyond compre hension. In answer to a question when be was before the House committee on insular afTairs a few weeks ago Qovernor Taft gave the following idea of the linguistic .poli ties of the Inhabitants of the Philippine archipelago: > ' Beginning at the north of Luzon there is a language in Cagayan and Isabala that is different from any other in the island. On the west side of the northern end of the Island of Luzon is the Ilocano. In Beng. it they spea.k an Igorote language, and also Ilocano to some extent Coming down the map there are the Pangaslnanian and the Ilocano. In Pangasinan both are spoken Pampangan is spoken in Tarlac in the southern part, and Pangaslnanian Is spoken in the northern part. In Bulacan. t'axite Batangns and Tayabas Tag,.] is spoken' and in the northern part of Aml.og Cam etlnes. In Aibay and Sorsogoti and tlie southern part of Ambos ("amertnes the Hl col is spoken. In Masbate. where the three tribes meet, the Blcol. the Yisavan and the Tagal are all spoken In Samar. Leyto Cebu. Bohol and Negros Visayan Is spoken and also Homblon. In Mlndoro the Tagai is spoken Where the Visayan language is spoken they have two dialects, the north ern and Oebuyan. The Jolo tribes speak a language of their own " Business Honor. Frcim the P.ipular Science Monthly. There never was a time when business honor was so high as now; the whole com mercial fabric is based upon it. Whether the moral sense has been quickened or ex perience has taught that honesty 1s the best policy matters not-the fact remains that in business a man must be honest and honorable; dishonest dealing Is fatal Dishonesty certainly exists, as It alwavs has existed and as it always will exist until man 8 nature changes It is no novelty, for long ago It was asserted that every man has his price. But there Is proportionately iess now than ever before Ours Is an age of commerce, an age of devotion to mate ilal things, but that devotion has none of grossness nor Is It in any sense inconsist ent with a just devotion to higher things I hus far the argument has been larg-lv negative. an effort to show that this age Is not worse, but possibly better, than its predecessors. The positive argument re mains to show tliat. because of commer cialism this age. on the whole, is vastly wetter than it* predecessors. Tobacco Blindness. From I>>n<lon Health. Tobacco blindness is becoming quite a common affliction, and a short time ago several persons were being treated for It. It first takes the form of color blindness, the sufferers who have smoked themselves Into this condition being quite unable to distinguish the color of a piece of red cloth held up before them. That is the popular medical test, though there is also <t more scientific one. Kventually the victim to tobacco blindness sometimes loses his eve sight altogether. Well Versed. From Pick Me-fp. Professor of Language* (continuing con versation with stranger In railway car riage): "Then I presume, sir. that you don't know any other tongue beside your own?'* The Other Fellow; "Oh, don't I. though' Let me tell you I'm a married man!" "What you are actually wearing is no business of the inspectors." "Perhaps not. But the last time I came across I wore an air of disdain through the custom house, and they dkln t do a thing t make me pay about double duty."?Lrtfe.