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"Speaking of fat men." said a hotel clerk to a Star man yesterday, "the two fattest nu n I ever knew were fellow-townsmen of mine when X was living in West Slabbing ton. Ark. i "They certainly were big men. and they I were no fun intended?the stoutest of frleixls. They never met without shaking hands If they could find a medium of com munication; they couldn't shake without one. "What they used to do was to get a man of reasonable thinness to stand between them and extend his arms, andoneof the big men would take one of the Intermediary's band!! and the other the other one. and thus they'd shake by proxy. "Of course, the whole town knew of this and everybody humored the big men. Hu mored then? More than that. Kverybody that was eligible need to feel it his duty to hetn these two great friends to shake hands "More than once I have seen a man who w ?s hurrying into the post office on Main street stop short on the steps when he saw the bier men approaching each other and turn hick and go and stand between them and raise his arms like two extended wines, with hands far outstretched for the two friends to i?rasr>. That wis their hand shake and this duty to his fellow-men per formed the man who had stood between 'them would hnrrv iro the post office stens one more, and this time go in and get his ir?H. "It wis a common thing for the men of the town thus to serve the two bulky friends, and to do them this service came, ir fact, to be n sort of test of eood cltizen Rhln or at least of the nunlltles that com rret-d n man most to his fellow-citizens He was thontrht to be rather a churlish fel low and outside the pale of the best people who was too thoughtless or too selfish to stop when occasion required and help the two men shake hands. "Out of this observance of a common cus tom arislne naturally enough from the de lav involved In It. some curious experiences ci-ne to individual observers. I remember w-II the case of a man whose great aunt w>s sick In a town just over the line in Missouri. "This man was hurrying to catch a train ?and there were only two trains a day? when he saw the two friends cominer to gether His duty was plain, and he was a man of scrupulous punctiliousness. There was nothing for him to do but to stop, which he did. waiting with no outward trace of his inward feeling while the two men exchanged their usual friendly greet ing "He missed his train, this man did. and a legscv that he otherwise would have got: for his great aunt, was dend when he did get there and by reason of his delay she liad cut him out of her will. But on tha other hand "This same man not a month later was stopped again in the same manner, and again he halted without a moment's hesi tation. But the train he missed this time was wrecked with a loss of life that has made this accident a tradition in that part of the country. So. while in the one in stance his politeness had cost him a legacy. In the other, in every probability. It had saved him his life. "And I have no doubt whatever that the lesson of thoughtfulness. courtesy and self denial taught by the conduct of all these considerate intermediaries was of benefit' to the whole community." Some of the young doctors in a local hos pital are having the laugh at the expense' of a recent recruit who was on house watch the other night and was awakened from R doie to attend a hurry call In the reception room. He found there a stout, florid-faced woman with her hands clasped across her stomach as though in pain and tears coursing down her cheeks. But it was obviously not an emergency case, and the young doctor was annoyed. "Tours is a very simple ailment." he said to the woman, "and could have been treated at home. You should have waited until the morning and not come around here this hour of the night." "The woman looked at him pityingly. "Alt gwan." she retorted. "There's nathln" the matter with me. It's me man Jim that's hurt, an' he's outside in the wagon." ***** "Nine men out of ten when you hand them a cigar will roll it tenderly between the fingers and smell it knowingly !>erore attempting to smoke It." said an avenue ci gar man today. "After putting on it a min ute or two. if you ask his opinion, he will tell you all about the cigar, its make, grade and price, and inform you in a confi dential way that he knows all about to h ceo. and cigars in particular. In ninety ' l"e cases out of one hundred his Informa tion will be wrong, as only the tobacco ex pert can quickly judge of the Intrinsic mer its of a cigar, and frequently he will be at fault. 1" or commercial purposes all cigars are divided into three grades of tobacco, known ?s dark, medium and light, but there are forty or fifty shades, which are grouped undei five subheadings. Die grade of tobacco used in a cigar has nothing whatsoever to do with Its size, and there Is practically no limit to the number or size*. Any cigar manufacturer may hi lug out a cigar of special size and give It whatever name he pleases. The tK?st known and most frequently used sixes however. In the cigar trade are the "con chas. . which are dlvhled into 'bouquet' and esp< clal. "regalia bouquet" and mSMM_ kkt?ss' ;s;"X? SiSyvK1*-^ off short at both ends and has a" _ thickness throughout ??!Pta he{d ln^he rowiMM at the end which is held in m"If'you will examine a cigar box you win find stamped on the front of size of the cigar, and at ?neend vou On the bottom of the box. at the side, you will find some fancy name. de Habana" or "Flor Finos. nn'v slock words and mean nothing furtner than that the tobacco is good Havana to bacco. although the cigars may haw been made In Conecticut. On the under side ol the box you will find only the factory stamp and label announcing that the maker of the cigar has filled all the requirement* of the law. tr it be a domestic cigar while the top is devoted to the name of the par ticular cigar with the name and address ol the manufacturer. The Inside cover is apt to be embel'lshed. particularly In the cheap er grade of cigars, with some gaudy pic ture. usually that of a scantily clad fe " "I'ndoubtedly the best tobacco smoked tn cigars In this country Is the native-grown Cuban tobacco, and the cigar Is further Im proved ir It is made in Cuba, particularly in the province of Havana. For this rea son many so-called Havana cigars are In reality cigars m^de In this country and shloped to the island, whence they are re shipped to the T'nlted States, and the rev enue stamp is duly pssted on the boxes to deceive the uninitiated. "Many smokers who prefer a light wrap per enioy the flavor of the Manila wrapper with the Havana filler. To satisfy this teste the Havana tobacco frequently to wrapped In Connecticut wrapper, which la colored to look like a Manila wrapper. "Inferior grades of cigars frequently are made of doctored tobacco, acid being used to stain the wranpers a light straw color In soots. The best leaf of the tobacco plant is that which grows nearest to the ground. And when the rain splashes mud nn the leif these little straw colored snots appear when the tobacco is cured. When these 8pots are genuine the wrapper will lie a good tobacco of Its grade, but whether It is acid stain or not only the expert will be able to determine." ***** "Got a bottle?" asks the drug clerk at a local free dispensary. And if the patient has none, it is his business to get one and the prescription Is passed back through the little window till the patient can find his bottle. As a rule, the patient has not even the penny or two that the drug stores would charge for a bottle, and they go through the highways and byways, to the dumps? anywhere, everywhere?where there might be a bottle. Every sort of a bottle is handed through the window. Beer bottles for little prescrip tions. bowlless liniment bottles for big pre scriptions. soda water bottles, extract bot tles. whisky bottles, green bottles, red bot tles. dirty bottles and clean bottles are handed to the drug clerk. "Please get a little bottler' says the drug clerk in his sleep. Jump at him and say "Botj." and he will scream "Bottle!" When the restaurant waiter asks what he will have, he absently says "Bottles." An old woman carried a bottle to the free dispensary the other day. but was given two prescriptions. One medicine was for internal and the other/or external use. "Where is the other Mottle?" asked the drug clerk. "Here are two prescriptions and one bottle." "Eh? Can't you put them both In this bottle?a nice big one?" she piped. ***** "Fare, please." called out the conductor. There was no response. "Fare, please." he called out again, rais ing his voice and putting In it something of a peremptory demand. Still there was no response and the pas senger thus addressed did not stir. It was on the rear platform of a 14th street car one evening last week. The passenger had his back turned to the conductor and seemed deeply absorbed In contemplation of the structures which lined the thoroughfare. He looked prosperous er.ough, his clothing was neat and well fitting, and he bore himself proudly erect though somewhat stiffly. To attract the attention of his immobile fare and to enforce his demand, the conduc tor probed him gently in the small of the ^?Oee!" he fairly yelled and jumped back, "What Is this?" "Oh! said a swarthy little passenger or the platform, it's only a clothing dummy, a common ordinary clothing dummy ye chump. I made him myself. Let both ol us off at O street." And he handed the con ductor a nickel. ,. . ... The latter was too dazed to collect the coin at once, but finally he pulled htmsell together He took hold of the supposed passenger and pulltd him around. When his glance met the cold eye of the dummy, and when he regarded the features on which . aim repose stood written, he looked like a man who had made up his mind and had the situation well In hand. If that gent is with you, he said to the swarthy little man, "it will be 5 cents m, For the dummy?" queried the swarthy man with a tinge of profound astonishment in his voice. ? For the 'mute.' yes," said the conductor. "No chance of deadheading things like that on this car. It's too lifelike; one would al most expect to hear It talk. It would be one mark against me If the Inspector saw this here graceful gent on the platform of a dark night and me not having collected his fare." The swarthv man handed the conductor T, c-nts for his genteel looking companion and the conductor rang up two fares In a rather emphatic nvanner. proprietor of Lunch Room?"Of course, sir you admit that our chef Is an artist. Quest?"Without a doubt. It was prob ably he that painted these green straw berries red."?Chicago News. UNIMAGINATIVE. e?"Do you r> ri ?"I aay, auntie h? didn't have much!' Auntie?"Do you see the hair in thia old brooch, Cyrtl? It wu your great-grand father'#." REPOSE IN ACTION "I may be about four feet around at the waist line and hare * growing bald spot on the top of my head," said the fat man In the rear seat of the open car, "but I hare just its much fun looking at the cir cus posters now as I did tlftrty and more years ago, when I was a bare-foot tyke ploughing around two months before circus time picking up enough Junk and rags and bottles to sell for tbe price of a circus tick et. I walked over a large section of Wash ington with myself on Sunday last. Just to stand before the billboards and gaze at the circus posters. Well, maybe, after all, X didn't do that solely for the purpose of partaking of the effluvia of exalted art that is diffused by the circus poster. For I'm bound to say that as I stood before a lot of the billboards tbe Mttle old hazy Aim of memory dropped over my eyes, so that I didn't really see what I was looking at at all; but I did see, 'way back yonder through the misty vista of the flown years, the mag ical tents of the circuses of my kidhood billowing out. whlter"n any towers of Come lot, cameo-like against the blue sky; and I saw the freckled, one-suspendered urchin, that was me, standing a-dream at the spec tacle of all that splendor and pageantry and grandeur: and I felt sort o' lonesome and heavy as I thought of all that's been coming off with me since, and wondered why the "dickens a feller couldn't always stay freckled and one-suspendered and en tranced. "But. when It comes to art, nobody can tell me that there isn't a whole lot of art about clreus posters. I've always under stood, for example, that what is called the 'nobility of repose' Is one of the distinct composing elements of good art. Where are you going to And such magnificent 'nobility of repose,' and In action, at that, as you find in the circus poster? "The circus poster people engaged in do ing the most amazing things, I mean, are such an absolutely reposeful and self-con talned and contented-looking lot while they are doing those things. Now, take the pos ter, so widely scattered around Washington now, of the utterly dare-devil young fel low?they call him "Diablo," in fact?who makes that tree-men-jus ride down the steep incline and then takes the horrifying leap into space on Ids bike, and lands >n another incline 'way off from the one on which he has made the initial descent. If you look at the figure of that young fel low on the poster you'll apprehend what I mean when I speak of the reposefulness of the circus posters. Say, It's perfectly as tonishing how little worried that young fellow looks?on the posters?all through the various stages of that reckless stunt. The poster makes the incline look at least half a mile high, but does that fact, and the additional fact that the Incline is ail but perpendicular, bother him any?in the poster? Not op. your slncograph! He Just sits up straight?on the poster?as his dizzy machine begins that terrific swoosh down the half-mile-high incline, and there Isn't ary a flapping of his coat-tails, and his arms are folded airishly, and there's a sort of lurking smile at the corners of his. mouth that gives you the impression that he must be absolutely devoid of any such thing as nerves. If you don't call that a noble example of the reposeful In art, then you've got your Ruskln mixed with your Dooley, that's all I've got to say, and you need to smoke up as to the esoteric mean lngfulness of the higher and the nobler. "Take, too, the ten or fifteen handsome young men and beautiful, womanly looking young ladies engaged In doing things on the cfrcus poster trapezes. If they're not get ting away with those incredibly difficult feats with all the reposefulness of a still ilfe wat(r-color picture of a bunch of roses In a vase or a strawberry shortcake on a dish, then I never saw a circus poster in my life. The shapely young woman with the flowing yellow hair, for example, who has Just been shot out of a fire-belching cannon ?and the cannon's fire looks devilish red on the poster, too,, I'm a-telling you, son?and who is bound, aerially, for the young fellow with down-swinging head who is waiting for her on the trapeze 'way on the other side of the tent?at least 200 feet away, to Judge from the poster?well. Just you look at her floating figure and tell me if you can find anything anxious about the way she is tak ing her precarious situation! Nary an anxious. "And then, for more amazing reposeful ness take the lion tamers in the posters. I guess maybe you don't turn away from the pesters of the lion tamers suffused with the conviction that those fellows are the real thing in nerve and hardihood! The .mammoth, gigantically maned beasts, you will observe?on the posters?absolutely cower, like subdued cravens, under the im pailing glances of the poster lion tamer's eyes; they draw back, affrighted, to the rear and sides of their cages; and he Just stands there, a noble exemplification of the superiority of mind over matter, and flicks em In the eye with the cracker of his whip, and shoots at 'em with a huge horse pistol from which the flame belches luridly, and all the time he's so little concerned about what he's doing with the kings of the forest that there isn't a hair out of place In his mustache, and the whole sit uation looks Just like pie, and nothing else, for him. "Don't you ever let anybody tell you, son, that there isn't lots of art, and mighty high art at that, about the circus posters. And K you want to take my advice don't you ever get to believing, either, that the circus posters aren't absolutely true. I Just imagined, a good many years ago. that I'd found out that the circus posters weren't wholly and entirely on the leveL and you can take my word for It that I have never been as happy since as I was before I thought I'd made that discovery." Fresh-Air Cure for Tuberculosis. From the Chicago Record-Herald. The rapid advancement made In a few years in our knowledge of the origin and cure of tuberculosis has resulted in many interesting disclosures that may be at once understood and utilized by the layman. The most Important of these, no doubt, is the discovery that fresh air and sunshine are foes to germ life. With this as an established scientific fact it follows that tuberculosis can be cured Just as easily in Chicago as in Colorado or Arizona. It has been generally believed that consump tion can be best treated In the dry air of high altitudes. In an address before the Hull House Woman's Club Dr. Arnold C. Klebs pronounced this notion fallacious. It Is his contention that climate has no material effect upon the disease. While high altitudes may do Individual cases good and while a change of scenery Is some times advantageous, Dr. Klebs recom mends patients in Chicago to stay .it home. Wholesome food and. cleanliness are also emphasized by Dr. Klebs as Im portant curative and preventive agents. Therefore "sleep with your bed room windows wide open." says Dr. Klebs. Let the air and sunshine into bed rooms and wworklng places. It appears to be well established that the germ of tuberculosis can grow only on the inside of an ani mal. Outside, exposed to air and sun shine. it can live but a short time. Warm conditions inside of poorly ventilated rooms that are never reached by the rays of the sua are favorable to the growth of the germ. The experiment of "Golden Rule" Jones, mayor of Toledo, who slept on the roof of his home every night and was thereby re stored to health, has been widely pub lished. Whether the value of fresh air and sunshine in the treatment of tuber culosis has been overstated or not, It is certain that these elements tend to pro mote health and long life under most con ditions. The Retort Courteous. Troin the Philadelphia Pre#*. Miss Bizzey?"I notice you're cleaning house, Mrs. Newcome, and I was afraid you might be tempted to throw your rub bish-out on the back lot. I Just wanted to say that we don't do that sort of thing here." Mrs. Newcome?"I burned all our rubb!sh in the frunace this morning, Mrs. Biazey, including an old book on 'etiquette' which I might have saved for you." How Could Hef From the Chicago Tribune. Mrs. Jagway?"Do you mean to say you went and voted while In this disgraceful condition?" Mr. Jagway?"Y' bet I did, m' dear. Vot ed 'er st-straight, too." Mrs. Jagway?"Voted straight! Huh! When you can't even walk straight!" "Some men are selfish enough to think," remarked the Observer of Events and Things, "that the light on the end of their cigars is enough to make home bright/'? ? Ycnkers Statesman. AT THITTELEPHONE A Washlfigton man. who a few months ago married a dashing young ?idow?what ever ?"dashing" aa implied to a young widow may mean, but th^tie how they're always alluded to?had lrtn<\ of a mean quarter of an hour the othef afternoon. A telephone waS tecentty installed in the dining room of hl^ home. Aa a young one with a new toy, .tila^wlfe immediately got busy with the telephone, of eourae, and spent a good part of the day in calling up women folic of her acquaintance to tell them that they were looking well and to ask them if they were going to take In the bar gain muslin aale, and so on. The -man .got hmme a ^>lf early the other afternoon, and wlffe didn't hear him enter the house because she was at the telephone. He-<Udjj't wm' to break in upon her enjoyment, so-he plumped himself onto a couch in the room off the dining room to wait until she had finished her conversation over the wirtf. Very soon, however he found himself sitting -up straight. From that he fell t? pacing nervously up and down the rug and biting his nails and mopping ills suddenly moist forehead. ' It was his wife'i .Jirlee monologue that caused him to do these things. The frag ments of her talk that he caught were something like the following: "And you say that the dear little love Is looking weU today? I am so glad! I knew that you would t&ke the best of care of the precious, else, of course, I should never have intrusted him to you. Is his appetite good? Not so very good, did you say? Well, the darling's surroundings are of course so new to him that bis appetite is bound to be affected for a time, Is It not?" The man In the r?xt rotm was mussing up his hair a lot by this time, and there was a visible throbbing at his temples. "I do wish you'd be careful tc see that his milk Is just the right temperature before giving It to him," went on the man's wife at the -phone. "He is so fini cal about the temperature of his milk, the love! He will sniff at It and utterly re fuse It if It is chilly, and he won't even look at It If he finds out that It Is too warm. Juat about tepid is about the way the angel enjoys It most. That's the way you've been giving It to him, you say. I'm so glad! Oh, I was told, before taking him to you, that you were so considerate and tender In the way you handle the Boor little orphans!" "Oh, I guess she hasn't got a hold-out on me?I just guess I haven't been made a monkey of!" the -man In the next room was gurgling to himself by this time. , "And I know that you will be so careful with the poor little pettle's baths," con tinued the man's wife at the telephone. "He Is so very freakish about his bathing, the dear! If the water Is the least bit cfcllly he almost has a fit. and once when I bathed him In water that wasn t quite warm enough to suit his majesty the re sentful little dear quite refused to even so much as notice me for two whole daj afterward! And you won't forget to bathe Mm only with the soap that I left with you will you, please? He Is used to the scent of that soap, and likes It so much the brownle-eyed cutey. and I wouldn t have his little sensibilities hurt, as they would be if he were washed with any other kind of soap, for anything In this W"Brownle-eyed cutey, hey?" the husband In the next room tugtfng ferociously at his mustache. Well, may be I haven't been a good thing. "Well. I guess that's all, his wife at the ?phone continued. iTOnly d? rr.mhin" the love's hair, won t >ou. He does sc hate to havtfhla hair combed with even a suggestion afirXOUgbness But I ta?* that you will becref*. IshaUbedownto Bee him In a ds? **-*?? Juat ^ * 'Lin* bltsy sing thai, he mamma been bout him. the gook*?wooksy dear. Good bye. 80 muchwv bllgeJ to you for taking such nice care ot Mm.'! , And then slieifcuns up the receiver ana tripped lightly Into the room where her husband was sUidtag up and'down; and grinding a path.wi the rug with his heels. She rushed up ta him with open arms and a "Why, my dear,-J didn't hear you come in. but with a heavy scowl he waved her aside. "I know blamed well that you dldn t hear me come in, mrtdam." he said to her in a sepulchral vole*. "If you d heard me come li> you wouldn't have g.ven yourself awa> In "Si.'SSS X Si 5T,? mjati r-J>nat K* th? wide w(,r,<l c^" man mean?" she Inquired of herself, with a linger ft her lip. 'twas only? "Oh you might Juat aa well come out and put me next to the whole stop' now. her husband Interrupted her. There s no chanco In life fo;- you to fool me any longer. I heard your whiiie talk at the phone. But I'll just take the liberty to ask you a straight question, madam, if you please. Do you think it was treating me square to marry me and not say a word to me before hand Jibout your having a young one. Not that I'd have objected In the least- Laura, he maur.dered c-n. "but d you think for a minute that It was anywhere near on the level for you to keep so Important a fact as that from me?" . There wasn't any chance for him to get any farther than that, for his wife was rolling Ground on the couch In a verlta ble ecstasy of laughter. She rolled and rocked and swayed In her mirth and her hairpins fell out and hor bronse hair tum bled all over her shoulders, but she couldn t 8*"Having a well time of It by your lone some eh?" her husband growled. Go ahead Ecjsy yourself. Funny as the dickens. Isn't ltf to've flim-flammed your husband In that fashion? Oh. don t mind me?laugh till you bust, blame It! Whereupon she went oft Into another series of Joyous shrieks, and only contrived to get herself together and In shape to tall?when she saw him In the act of grab bing his hat to rush out of the house. She was able to hold herself In long enough to remind him that "he had taken their beloved Japanese spaniel to the dog doctor's establishment for treatment for distemper on the afternoon before-and thpn she was off again. He had to agree to stake her that even ing to the swellest dlrtner to he purchased for money in Washington on condition that she'd never breathe a word of It as long Is she llVed. She got the dinner and of course, she hasn't said a word about It. Belt of Calm at Pacific End of Canal. From the Kstlassl Geographic Msgaxin*. At the eastern extremity of the canal the difficulties which a sailing vessel may ex pect to encounter will arise from a super abundance of wind rather than a lack of It At the western extremity, on the other hand, these conditions will be completely reversed. Upon emerging ffom the canal into the Pacific ocean a vessel will enter an exten sive belt of calms and light airs, which render navigation by sail more tedious than in any other frequented portion of the sea. The width of this region varies? at some points wide, at others narrow. In that portion of the north Pacific Included between the American coast and the me ridian of 120 degree# west it reaches a maximum, extending 4r, latitude from a point one or t?o daffrees north of the equator to CapelSao ^ucas. the southern extremity of Ixijver California- In both approaching leaving Panama Irre ineetive of the port ftom which or toward which bound, a salting vessel must of ne cessity navigate a greater or less width of the belt of calms, and In estimating for a eiven voyage the ?aV*ig of time effected by the use of thfe canal the delay arising from this cause'must tiot be neglected. Pewter Once an.Important MuteriftL From the Westminster <J??tte. Probably not a'j eve^ of the enthusiastic visitors to the oxhlbltjfm of old pewter in Clifford's Inn Hall realise what a very Im portant domestic-part pewter played In the days of our distant ancestors. A peep at some of (he household books of the Stuart days Is auite a revelation on this point. In 1064. f?r instance, Sir Miles StttDleton a Yorkshire baronet, took it Into his head to replenish his stock of pewter, and here are a few Of his many purchases as recorded In his own handwriting: "It., paid for six large puter platters or dishes at Is 7d. a pound, and they weighed 57 pound and a half which comes to ?04.01.05; paid for two dosen of puter plates at Is. Od a pound and they weighed ?7 pound. ?02 15 06: paid then more for two puter stands for the table. ?<*>.<?.00: one gallon puter can and six porringers ?00.111.06; paid to William Hutchinson of Torke, for 17 new puter dishes for the table weighing -74 pounds at 12 pence a pound ?08.14.00." And among other purchases at the same time are two dosen new pewter plates for 82s.: another two dosen at 15s. a dosen; and a large quantity of spoons, basins and candlesticks. BOTE WERE SUBPRI8ES "Two little Incidents that happened with in my purview while down at Atlantic City," said a man who** "grip" pallor of a little while ago had be?t bronaed away by board walk constitutionals, "furnished me with additional testimony that you can never know much about anything1 until you find out. "The nicest little woman at the hotel at wbioh I stayed was a black-haired, vivaci ous matron, not much above twenty, who was accompanied by her mother, a pretty woman herself, who looked quite young enough to be the sister of her daughter. "The black-haired little matron was the life and soul of the outfit. There was no such a thing as anybody having the dumps around the sun parlors while she was with in sight or hearing. She was clever and accomplished. For one thing, and a mighty unusual thing at that, she could play you n swell concerto on the hotel piano, and then she could wade right in and play the rag-timiest rag-time thing you ever heard, and sing it, too; and the ability to do those two things doesn't often go together. She got up a lot of delightful little entertain ments, dances, Salinxagundi parties, peanut festivals, progressive euchres and. such around the hotel parlors of evenings; and, hj general, she came pretty * close to being All rigist. "She was mighty attentive to the lone some old folks In the hotel, and she was a tender-hearted woman, at that, for she, alone of all the women in the hotel, used ? .?ayu * couPle of visits every day to a sick chambermaid up in the garret, and ?ifr.yu ??man nlce things to eat, and all that. The housekeeper told me that, on the quiet, and it made me think even rZ??L'he blac*-halred little woman than I had before. w*8 great pals with her mother, who 80 r,dlcu'ously young, and they went together oonstantly when the younger wo ?an t fl*lng up some kind of fun for the children around the house. She was devoted to children, and was always tossing the shavers about and picking: *em up and hugging 'em. and all that sort of thing. "One evening she was having a lot of fun with a little two-year-old girl, when the child's mother advanced smilingly toward her. " 'Tou are very fond of children, are you not, Mrs. Blank?* she said to the little black-haired matron. 'Have you any of your ownr . " 'No,' was the reply, "but I adore chil dren.' and then she added, in a reflective, absent-minded sort of way, 'I often wish I were a child again myself. There were thirty-four children in our family, and such a rompish time of it as we had!' "Well, that remark caused the mother of the little girl to pick up her child somewhat hastily and edge away. There seemed to be something mighty queer about that remark. Thirty-four children In the family! And there was the mother of the maker of that remark, sitting right over in a corner of the room, and she assuredly wasn't much more than fifteen or sixteen years older than her daughter'. "The woman to whom the black-haired little matron had made the peculiar remark quickly got off into corners with other wo men in the house and told 'em about it. Then the buss began. Surely, was the gist of the buzz, the little matron with -the young-looking mother and the black hair decidedly, she must be one of the most as tonishing prevaricators of any age or clime! Thirty-four children in her family, and her | mother almost as young looking as she her self! "The next morning, in the sun parlor, a number of the women fell to talking of the Smoot Inquiry, a lot of details of which were printed in the morning papers they had in their laps. The little black-haired woman was with the group. She was about to go away, and she had settled down for I a final sunning before leaving. The wo men talked pretty fiercely about the Mor mons. The black-haired little woman bit her lips and took It all in as long as she could stand it. Then she spoke up. " 'Could you not' ?he inquired sweetly, addressing none of the women In particu lar, but all of them at once, 'defer the dis cussion of this topic until some other time, or at least permit me to withdraw? I thought it was well understood among you all that I was a Mormon, or at least reared in the Mormon faith. Did that fact not occur to you as a reasonable presumption when you knew that I was from Salt Lake City and when I let slip the remark that I was one of a family of thirty-four chil dren?" "They all looked very shocked, and the black-haired little woman, not without a somewhat mischievous smile, tripped out of the sun-parlor, and Inside of an hour she was gone with her mother. If those wo men In the sun-parlor hadn't fallen to talk ing about the Smoot Inquiry, they'd have all gone through life believing that the black hatred little woman whom they met at the Atlantic City hotel and who artlessly tqld them that she was one of a family of thirty-four children was one of the most gigantic distorters of the truth that ever came down the pike. "Then there was the incident of the some what foppish-looking middle-aged man with i the yachting cap. He was a very ruddy faced man of about fifty, who paid a very great deal of attention to his apparel. He was a quiet-spoken and far from loquacious man, but the extreme attention that he gave to his clothes got the tongues of the knockers a-golng. and they handed him a wallop behind his back every time that he came in or went out of a door. "The ornate-looking yachting cap that he wore whenever h# went down to the board walk to parade was the cause of a good many of the furtive cracks that were sent after him. " 'Now. look at that old dude,' the young er fellows got into the habit of saying every time that he appeared with that yachting cap. 'It's ten to one that he doesn't know the difference between a cat amaran and a cat-boat, and that he was never more than ten miles off the coast In his life; and yet he goes hiking around with a yachting cap on, like as if he knew what it felt like to be on deep water! Wouldn't It pain you?' "A tramp steamer came ashore and was stranded at Brigantine Beach. The man who went out to the tramp steamer In a raging sea with the crew of the life boat and the man who directed the maneuvering that at length succeeded In pulling the tramp steamer off the shoals and started her. all taut, on her cruise again, was our dudish-looking middle-aged man with the yachting cap that was such a red-rag-to-a bull to the knockers around our hotel. And after he'd done that the Atlantic City and Philadelphia papers came out with long accounts of him. "Oh, no, he didn't know anything about deep water or anything like that! He was one of the most celebrated clipper skippers In the world, and had been a deep-water man for thirty-five years, or since his fif teenth year. He had only recently retired from the sea with a large competency. And he was only down at Atlantic City from his Philadelphia home to have a sight and sound of the comforting sea. He held the world's record for getting a full-rigged ship from San Francisco to New York days fas- f ter than it had ever been done before, and , he had other records all the way from Shanghai to Liverpool and all that kind of dazzling thing. And he had been wrecked six times, and once he had been on a raft In the middle of the Indian ocean for eleven I days before being picked up by a passing vessel. And Just because he was paying a ? lot of attention to his dress In his topping off shore days and wore a flamboyant1 yachting cap the knockers had It all framed up that he was a bogus and a four-flush! Pact Is, I believe I won't knock anybody any more, even when I know that my' knocks are well founded!" Building a Campfire. From the Field and Stream. " For building a campfire the dryest sticks are those that are dead and have not yet fallen from living trees. These dead limbs that cling here and there on living trees are seasoned and are off the around, so that they do not get soaking wet at any time, and they dry quickly after a rain. They are hardly ever wet through, so that no matter how wet the woods are you can al ways get dry wood to start a good flre and then almost anything will burn. There are ten thousand ways to build a campfire. I always build a small fire, and then keep it going with dry wood for a while before I get ready to do my cooking, so that there will be a good bunch of coals to cook over. Then I have a little pile of dry sticks as large as lead pencils somewhere within easy reach, so that I can help my flre along If It sulks at the wrong time. Then 1 get a couple of green sticks as big as my arm and put one on each side of the fire, to It will stay In one place and not waste the beat on all aides. Disappointment in South African Conditions. COLONISTS DISGUSTED BRITISH PEOPLE TBYINQ TO PEE VE* T PTOTHEB GOING OUT. None of England's Possessions Con* aldered Desirable for Emigration Except New Zealand and Canada. Special Corrr*poo<l(>Dce of TU? Earning Star. LONDON, England. April * 1904. Bitter disappointment Is felt through England at the present conditions In South I Africa, and it is putting it mildly to say thst government officials are chagrined at the failure of this reorganised British ter ritory to afford an ample outlet for British citizens seeking new homes. Immediately following the Boer war the government did everything in Its power to divert emi gration from foreign countries to South Africa, and went so far as to assist those who were without sufficient means to un- j dertake the voyage. Many private associa tions were formed, and liberal subscriptions were made to this end. The result of this official boom was a considerable movement of people from the united kingdom to the South African colonies, but the first con- j tlngent had hardly arrived when It was ap parent that a serious error had been made, arising from utter lack of knowledge of existing conditions. Protests against any further Immigration were sent out by the colonies themselves, and official energies were soon devoted to assisting people to return from this much exploited land of promise. The English col onies are particularly unfortunate In the futility of their efforts to secure desirable immigration, Canada being the only region where conditions offer real encouragement to the home seeker. With all the advertis ing Canada has received and all the efforts which have been made to Induce people to go there, her immigration figures are com paratively small. Taken by themselves they 1 are not Inconsiderable, for about 73,000 people went to Canada last year, but as 35, 000 of these came from the United States, the remaining 40,000 represent but a very small proportion of the world movement j from one country to another, especially when It Is considered that nearly one mil- | lion people went to the United States in the same time Emigration Bureau. European countries from which people are emigrating, are forced to maintain emigra tion as well as immigration bureaus. The purpose of the emigration bureau Is to in duce a movement to colonies or countries specially favored by the home country, and to protect tho people against misrepre sentation or the Impositions of transporta tion companies. Of the countries on the continent Ita'y takes the lead in government supervision of emigration, rates of fare are established by law and the strictest regu lations are enforced as to the accommo dations and service to be given in return for passage money. In England the steamship companies are governed by cer tain regulations providing for the safety and comfort of passengers, and In addi tion to this a bureau of Information Is main tained for the purpose of giving official an swers to all questions asked by those In tending to emigrate. Notwithstanding the drain of the past hundred years upon the population re sources of the united kingdom, there Is still a large movement of people abroad. Over 200,000 people left England. Scotland and Ireland last year to seek homes else where. In very few years since 1850 has this number been exceeded. Over half of these people went to the United States. About 20.000 went to Canada. 15.000 to Australia and New Zealand, 43,000 to South Africa, and the few remaining thou sands to other countries. It Is difficult to say what percentage of these emigrants j were really of British origin, for many foreigners come to England, remain here a short time and then move on. A goodly number, however, were of British or Irish parentage and were a direct loss to the most desirable element of population at home, consequently an appreciable gain to the countries in which they landed. Against South Africa. Most strenuous efforts are now being made, both by the home government and the governments of the South African col onies, to prevent the movement of people to the latter countries, where conditions are notoriously bad, the labor market Is vastly overstocked and living enormously expensive. The government emigration In quiry office in Lor.tton received last year about 20,000 inquiries by mail, and nearly 4,000 people applied in person for Informa tion or advice as to the most promising country to which to emigrate. The vast majority of these Inquiries related to South Africa, and every effort has been made to discourage people from going there, for every new arrival accentuates the distress of the unemployed, already so numerously upon the ground. In spite of these efforts a great many insist upon going, and num berless cases of subsequent distress or em barrassment are reported. Canada labors under the difficulty of be ing a northern country, with an unwarrant ed reputation for extremely severe winter weather, and the homeseeker naturally shrinks from undertaking the hardship in cident In his mind to such an environment. The British government officials are seri ously concerned with South African affairs, both political and industrial. Great con fusion exists in that section as to policies to be adopted and the final adjustment and reconstruction following the entire up set caused by the war. These things will be straightened out in time, but meanwhile they give rise to great anxiety and have proved a terrible disappointment to the British people, who, as a whole, consoled themselves Tor the expense and suffering of the African war with the thought that here would prove to be a fine outlet for British emigration and a valuable and pro ductive colonial area. Australia is suffering from the effects of a drought which lasted over a decade, and which has only been broken within a couple of years. During the severest periods of this drought nearly as many people left Australia as came into the country. In the past two years there has been a much greater gain, however, and it is xpectel that Australasia will soon become again an attractive point for the horoeseekers of the united kingdom. New Zealand Encouraged. The emigration information office of the British government only gives encourage ment to those Intending to go to Canada or New Zealand. Within certain limitations people are Informed that there Is opportun ity In Canada for almost every form of in dustry and labor. New Zealand a'so pre sents an excellent field for thn emigrant. The country is prosperous, and there is considerable demand for those willing to work. Every effort has been made to cor rect the general impression in regar-1 to the Cfcnadian winters, for In addition to the offices maintained by the British govern ment the Canadiaan government and th-} Canadian Pacific railway conduct a sort of perpetual exhibition of Canad'ar products, and the homeseeker who will apply for in formation can carry away with him a library of emigration literature which will be almost forced upon him by the active and enterprising agents who represent tne western Canadian provinces abroad. There is one class of people for whom there is a demand In every part of the world, and that is women who will accept positions as household servants. Even In Cape Colony, where the av-;rage man is earnestly warned away, the femalo servant is heartily welcome and is assured of a comparatively good position at remuner ative wages. This class of emigrants is assisted. If en route to any of the British colonies, and there are a doze.i English socities under the patronage of well-known and titled ladles, who will defray part. If not all. of the transportation i-ost and ar range for the friendly care of the emigrant at the other end of the Journey. No effort Is made to assist or even encour age British emigration to countries other than British colonies, and the government la quick to warn people against certain Ilore OA! RANGE! BIG shipment of Gas Ranges just received enables us to promptly supply the ever increasing demand. . We've plenty of the "Real Economy" Elevated Oven Gas Ranges on hand now, and can fill your order at once. These ranges are winning lots of favor be cause they make easy work of cooking by doing away with all stooping or bend ing. Be sure and ask to see the "Real Economy" when you visit our "Range Room." We show the most com plete stock of Gas Ranges and Gas and Oil Cookers and quote the most reason able prices. Pour - burner O a ? Ran**, with oven and *|A Eft broiler complete, for.... ??"?vU Thnse-burner Gas Cook er, with oven and broiler, QQ Two-burner Oas Cooker ^ BA and Oven combined, for... 4* 2-burner Nickel-plated Gas Stove for $1.25. Portable Ovens, 75c. up. Steamers, 90c. up. Waffle Irons, 75c. Separate Broilers, 75c. Cake Griddles, $1.50. I". Shedd &Bro. <? 432 Ninth Street. it "Becker's Quality Baggage." Nothing to worry about when you travel with Becker baggage. Best and strongest built. i Steamer Trunk. ?This special "Steamer" Trunk has stood th?* test and Is entitled to leader ship. Built of bass wood, braced with hardwood Mats. dock covered and cloth lined. Beat lock. bolts and hinges. Social at. $5.00 ?Nothing better than Rattan Trunks for European travel. Lightness and dura bility, aa well aa eleffance, to reeom raend them. Becker'* Rattan Trnuka are all Rattan and are harness leather bound. Vastly different and better In construction aud finish from the uanal kinds. Shown In Dre?*. Skirt and Steamer styles?round or fiat top*?all sixes. Suit Case, $6.50.j It Suit Oaae? $6.50 ??A handsome, well-built Suit ?olid sole leather orer steel frame -extra deep best look?In olive, rnaset and brown. Special at. Full line of Mackintosh Holdalls, Umbrella Cases, Soiled LJnen Bags. Steamer Rugs and, In fact, every thing for the traveler. Sole agents for "Innovation" Trunks. Becker's, America'* Foremost Leather Good* Stora. % It ?? parts of the world where conditions seem especially unfavorable. South America is In bad repute and circulars were Issued this week warning emigrants not to go to Brazil under any circumstances. This is in sharp contrast to Germany, for there are already about 30?.<)0<> Germans in Brazil, and narllt's of German emigrants leave every few weeks to reinforce the German element which is so strongly represented in the Industrial In terests of the countries south of the isth mus. While no encouragement is given to the British emigrant who contemplates going to the United States, the movement in that direction is so heavy that some attention is necessarily paid to it. The day when the young Englishman went out to the western states and paid a premium for learning to be a farmer or a stockman, and threw a a good year's* hard work as an ordinary hand in addition, has gone by. That at tempts are still being made to secure thl* class of business Is shown In the warning issued by the English government against paying fees or premiums to American agen cies or accepting situations as farm pupil* In the United States. Rather grudgingly tribute is paid to American conditions In a circular issued by the British information bureau. It is acknowledged that wages are higher, opportunities are greater, and em ployment regular, but living is held to be expensive, and men without capital art urged not to go. This would be a valuable aid to the United States in some part* of the world, bu; the average English, Scotcl\ Welsh or Irish emigrant is a satisfactory addition to any American community In which h.? may settle. It Is these people who were largely instrumental in building up the western territories Into statehood. The work being done by British colonial offices In London and the Immigrant bu reaus Qf the British government suggests possible value for a similar work, if it was carried on by some of the western states. Many of the people who go from Great Britain as emigrants have enough money to make a small start in farming or in business in the smaller communities of tho west, and where population and intellige.it labor as well as the small Investors are so much needed as in California. Colorado and other rapidly growing states, it would seem that good work could be done by maintain ing information bureaus and exhibits for <the purpose of Inducing travel in their di rection. The best class of emigrants from the oid ,vrorld are now going to countries other than the United States, and the latter coun try is securing practically all of the unde sirables, except those which are so miser ably poor in all th.? necessary qualification* ,is to be forced to go to South America. No effort Is needed to secure the worst; some ?ffort is necessary and worth while to se cure the best. J. D. WHELPLEY. "Excuse me," he said, returning; "but you are sitting on my hat." "I know It." replied the other, rising; "I was afrakl some one would take It whit# you were gone."?Yonlaw Statesman.