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People who hiivo un Idea that liquor is
responsible for sending most convicts to prison would have been sadly disappoint ed had tliey been !n the office at the Moundsvllle prison one day last week when twelve new quests were questioned. There were eight white and four colored prisoners seated upon the bench when the i lerk appeared and started asking the usual questions. "What's your name?" lie asked the flrst O'" the dozen, a young white man from Fayette county. Ills name was stated, and the next ques tion touched upon his nationality. "(>( what descent are you?" After sinn?> liesi ta tlon. and being prompt ed b) anothei prisoner, the young man replied "1 was born in America." And do you Indulge in the use of in toxicants?" W hat them"" asked the surprised l a vette < ounty man Strong drink." explained the clerk. ,nc\ t i touched it in my life." was the surprising response \sked about his religion, he said he had ^'tended the Missionary Church in Fay ? ? county lie knew nothing about ile i oniihatloiis, but had heard it was a MethodNt mission. Others said they had ? ' - "tided Baptist, Lutheran and Catholic ' ..Mi. ho> and only two of the twelve said 11.'-\ ever used stimulants. One said he t'-ok .1 drink occasionally, and the other ? tli| he used beer moderately. Not one of the four colored men had been addicted l ? the use of intoxicants, and only three < the dozen had used tobacco. I I ' \ must have belonged to the same ? I '1.1} s, hoo! class." observed a caller at '? ? pnson who hear J the responses of the c zen prisoners. It i> nothing unusual to got a tomper ? ! ?? ? n?w?| In prison," one of the prison '' "ills stated. Many of them get here t. ' :<h intemperance, but manv of them V IO get here have never been addicted to t e use of intoxicants." ***** There is an old Joke at the city hall wide!, is practiced with unfailing success < time a recruit Is added to the force o" ( lerks and other employes connected ? :h the building. ? It was worked the osl.-r da\ In the case of a green hand who was visiting the various departments In an industrious effort to learn the ropes. The > ? ; K man had been made acquainted with t!.' fact that Justice Barnard holds crimi nal court In a certain room, but the new comer was not aware of all the functions of tlie court. On a round of Investigation i i. ii<day morning the young nam walked 1 rimituil Court No. J and found what M.e.l to him an unusual and Interesting ? '???!*!ion of affairs. The seats reserved f ir <pe, -ators were occupied by a mls ' l;?' -ous crowd. Including a number of ^ ? i-tlr^ssecl ladles, all present apparently i *??:> concerned In the proceedings on - the front bench directly In front of the : "?tice's seat were several curious looking person* i?f both sex. s under close guard. A attorney was delivering an address In <iuiei voi< ?? to the jury. Walking up to an attach? of the court t! newcomer asked; "What is all this?" Luuac) proceedings," was the prompt reply, "and you'd better get out of here a a last as you can." * * * * * The other day," said the clubman. "I < ime across a case of pure honesty and d unright conscientiousness. One of the members of our club gave the Janitor, a ? iored youth of about seventeen, a quarter for some personal service, and said, 'Take ti.is ai d git to the theater.' Next morning to his great surprise the boy returned the money to htm, saying he had not been aole to us- It. Pressed or an explanation, ths l' '.v said he had asked his mother about It and she had advised him not to go to the theater, and as ha had not used the money for the purpose It was given he felt that it <li i not belong to him. I do not know w hat followed, but I am sure the boy will lose nothing by his conduct." ***** The spring tide of pleasure-seeking travel I as set in and Washington Is fairly flooded with visitors. Id the middle of this week every lr>rge hotel in town turned away guests for Lack of room to accommodate t'.?m, and tiie smaller hotels took the over flow. Brides and bridegrooms have been very much in evidence In the public buildings i ? d show* places The corridors of the Cap ! >1 have taken on a springlike air, with dove-colored and purple gowns, the fleeting '"lor of violets and the aroma of sachet per t .me* It's wonderful to see the interest manifested by the gray-bearded statesmen In the couples. "It makes me step livelier Just to see the j .ungsters," sold one old Solon, "and r can spot em a hundred feet off. The min gled look of happiness and self-consclous i ? betrays them before you see the festal costume of the bride Well, their presence makes the world younger, and I like to see t cm around." ***** T e Ilous? committee on Interstate and foreign commerce was considering a bill, providing for a new revenue cutter to re r ire the old one that had long been In ? or: i'uget Sound. The bill was earnest ly advocated by Representative Cushman. ? ? -iig. lank and lean member of tho who lives on the Sound. Finally a sc u -cent w as made as to the condition of t ? ? Itte, in.i it was said to be old and " 1 ? st out of date. "The plates," said the "are ho ililn that \ ou can see t "'l'gh them." J ' like CushTnan." Interjected Repre i' ve Burke of South Dakota v I following the laugh at Cushirian's ex I c I;is bill was favorably reported. ***** v i ? w fad Is now raging among the !"1' "f ";?? fl'y." said a local dairyman > "ti 1: ne heard of all kinds of ; ' h as stamps, business ! '?da dozen others, but the very j ' : 1 d i.. .lie . o'lection of' milk tops.' b"v? styl?._ them. These are the ' d i ii ????? of paste board stamped with 1 r - name that are placed on the ' or i .'l|t jors.to protect the contents "i Ik'! ; K . ontamlnated with dust or ? ? r substance. t --irprlslng what a variety of col- j , have made of the milk : t s Many of them have fifty or sixty i x el,. ^ on!. j, ,|ers having several 1 styles that are used on their iars The a"? "r&* ? %:*.!"$ ?-?!? i.,,' , .1 lf ,he same si/.,- I? order thai tone I'V'?.etCUre Iar?-' collections of the-S" fum- "?i|T ,?nd ''r''al" lars ,hpV cure - "iect those that come to their whoso* ru!!iirade *1,01,1 W,th other hovs dealers ' 1 es ?"? served by different 1 hen. too, the boys carrv on a little fh.n'?j,.W j fhe to',s T,ie.v toss them in wav I'th,, hVeM .nm,ch,nK game In that waj. so that by this game of chance they ose or win heavily. The various milk jar tops have different values, those of e.iler.s who have a limited business have a larger value than those of the extensive dealers. All In all, the milk tops are keeping the boys of the city thoroughly amused now.' * * * * * Augustus P. Gardiner, a representative In Congress from Massachusetts, a son-in-law of Senator Henry Cabot bodge, a graduate of Harvard, a soldier of the Spanish war in Porto Hico with Miles?a former s'ate senator, with some other minor matters to his credit, is much more than an ordinary legislator. Here is one expression that proves the assertion: I would not remain in Congress if there were not ways for a minority to defeat a rneasui" It Is so dead ? asy to defeat a bill If you have a majority with you that there Is no satisfaction in it. But'when you can take a handful of fellows and keep the ma jority from passing .1 measure, why. that Is the zest of legislation." bounds well. Or" course, if you have a majority at your back you can simply vote down a measure you don't want, but When there is ? bill which a majority wants and you must juggle with the rules so as to stand it off, or scheme with men to prevent a vote, or do some "log rolling." then, of cours-*, Is real inter, st and a great deal of satisfaction. Mr. Gardiner is one of that kind of men who are not afraid of being In tii. opposition, nor is he timid in attacking tin leaders when they are In his way. He is i.n!\ handicapped bv one thing; he rep I'sents the largest shoe manufacturing district In the 1'nited Slates. That district wants i tee hides. Mr. Gardiner knows that free hides are absolutely Impossible. He is ha rulieapped. though not embarrassed, by the fact that Massachusetts longs for t'anadiau reciprocity. il? knows that reci procity is as far away as annexation. Hut. notwithstanding the discomforts which desire among his constituents for free hides and reciprocity may entail, he always has un anehor to the windward. He Is strong on hsh. an<l Gloucester is in his district. Mr Gardiner stands In the "sacred cod," and Is sale. t t ^ 4 f Some time ago at a social gathering in this city Chief Justice Stanton J. Peelle of the t'nlied States court of claims related t<> members of the bar of that court a llttie story of his early practice In Indiana. Judge Peelle was ctulte a young man then and had not established a reputation as an attorney. His law partner. Mr. 1> S. Alexander?now a member of the House of Hepresenti^lves from New York, was |? ..bout the same condition In so fur as his legal experience whs concerned. (?ne day an old colored man was brought olli'Vi ""i9VnUE Ul" l'?"n lD Indlanap o". where Judge Peelle and Mr Alexander tiT' :rr:? ,o ^11 - vision. .ofn i w ^ wl,en an"a'gned told the Court tlmt he was too poor to pay a lawver and he was informed that an attornev de?fen et"-,^IS,laU"i ?"? ourt for tho otter 1 tie prisoner was informed ikat Km or'the imp" "f"te roung'me^ name S^XdThe* JlS candidates' for' th e 'j'o'b '' 'V d l"< Prospective any more?" asKea, Are there i'i 'SPSS ??? Without waiting for mo. T o'Y Kr""l' and tlon coi e, nine II,? definite informa nt'* v*o]d take Mr. Alexander!" 1 1 wln w.frldly'^te^m".?, that and wlio ? o?. i. mo?lh proposition." cot; ern in <? '!, ? pros',ero?? mercantile a fiefienie for beating Th1'"6'0^ evolve" has been tt?. i,,ni V Smoko lilw' whlch n.en here ti i nriny commercial en.L!o? of Pr?Vld"S the but nriiu s no mention .?*y smo,<e. ' that of a light LraXL f Wllfte ? '"?n: in question has. t herefor the points of exit of iii. J having I'l -'-ed In his furnace stPam W* that only light -ravioi / arransed so fi' .'ii his s-ack Thll i.8!1" Is emitted turning on the ?teim nhl accomplished by puts fresh coaum'oThe fr,^^ U,e "reman < s up which . i fu, nnc? or when h<? ^.u. es' t.suVtV';,, v;; c,;11or,il'!a,'y cJrcu?L V'th.. kind known to smoke Judge- a., "the real thing " in ? , ourt ing voli i .. . the vt ainalgamat ^rnokethe nghtgVa, eff^V"" tl!? <U,k hi.sl.iesa' ,?ln is r uZl '? ,pro<lu^d and arrest. rendered Immune from "It is a wonder to tm- that the Postmaster ^ i?,ta.15: ners of^the Itr?? t?Agai.,."''up"uiI1Ile "b^ilditfe '"a" ^t,nU<><1 h1 continued, those tos ti,.., to replace , fXe'-'buiVfr" V'i- big SI dol: i,izk :k" r the Old -ellow. OWtl ,greod w!ttl j Oi -K>k?>r?"An' 'twere only t'ottui tlajr as Jurge said '? dijn'i kuuw nothing about horif rule'"?London Punch. THE LOTUS LAND ADS There's a man In this town wlfo wishes that th? newspapers and magazine* wouldn't publish such alluring advertise ments. The other evening he was doing that day-before-pay-day sizing up of the financial situation with pad and pencil. His wife was looking over a batch of the March magazines. That is to say, she was looking at the "hind" pages, where th? ads are. Women quickly find out that about the most interesting pages of modern maga zines are those same advertising pages. The man had got the rent and the g** and the Installment man's account down on his pad. when liis wife observed: "They have field glasses in the observa tion cars and guides to point out the spots of particular scenic beauty 011 the Tur quoise Sky limited for California, it says In this advertisement." "L'h-huh." he replied, looking out at the gray, drear streets. Then he went ahead and tried to figure out on the pad how he could trim the list down?by ducking the installment man or something?so that he could get Ms wife the pair of shoes that she obviously needed. "They must be splendid affairs, thos; winter tours of the Mediterranean, on thoso yacht-like steamers?chartered, you know, for winter touring parties, three months in the Mediterranean and in tbe waters of the near east, it says here, and?um?from $9o0 up for each passenger?oh. my! said his wife, after a pause. "That all?" said he. beginning to tousle his hair, as he suddenly remembered that his lodge dues had to come out of the half-month's pay. "That's a mere bag o' shells. Isn't it?" and he went on putting down sordid little figures?sordid, but ail too necessary. " '.Land of the always afternoon?why iiOt take a winter trip to the dreamy lotus-land of Hawaii?' " liis wife quoted from an ad vertisement after a while. "How lovely that must be ? temperature during tie winter months never goes below ?KV? tropical fruits the year round?palms?dear me. how perfectly lovely!" The man wriggled some in his chair. He had a little line of thinks oi his own. How he would have enjoyed saying to her. as an enormous s'prise, "Get ready, little girl, and we'll take a spin down to the dream country?it's all right about the coin?I'd just picked tip a bundle." But. as It was, he had to slice olT the grocer's bill to allow for the monthly in stallment on the piano whlcl. tiey were huxing on the excitement plan. "Is this Ormonde Beach, where they M.I those lovely automobile races, anywhere near that delightful Palm Beach, wher-i they go in sea-bathing all during the win ter. and where the girls wear such lovely tennis suits, and the men sucli fetching golf clothes?mercy, just- look at these pic tures. and the waving palms and things, she went on. after having picked up an other magazine and looked at the rear pit gt'S. "Oh, it's not so far from l'alm Bench." he replied, reflecting that the land of 1<'| >r ida enchantment was only about twenty four hours from Washington, but that it might just as well be 48,000,?nm mlies. There was another little pause, during which the man gnawed at the end of his pencil and thought of how shabby his wife's gloves had looked when they had been walking that afternoon. "Winter excursions to Bermnda?sap phire seas and turquoise ski.-s?one of the spicy Isles of the Blest"?she was quoting from another rear-of-the-magazine adver tisement which had caught her attention. The man tossed down his pencil and stood up and thrust his hands Into his pockets and crossed over to the window with its outlook on the dripping street, and the dismal-looking vacant lot across the way. He gave a sigh that seemed to pro ? eeed from his boots "My dear little girl." he said to her. "ctit it out,' won't you? Read 'em to your self. if you don't want your man to jump headlong into the porch-climber's or safe cracker's profession! I'd take you to all of those places If 1 could?if it were In the cards. Hully gee, I'd give ten years olT the latter end of my life if. tomorrow. 1 could load you on board a white yacht and take you all over the Seven Seas a dozen times! But I'm trying to find out, now. if we can be 'at home' this month to the milk collector when fie drops around with his little, bill. Couldn't you just as w?U read those Irritating blamed things to yourself?" "As If I didn't know that you'd take me if viju could.'" she replied, but she did not read any more of those enticing lotus land ads. aloud. THE CANAL ZONE. Gov. Magoon's Statement Before the Senate Committee. Some Interesting facts regarding the ad ministration of the canal zone were devel oped In the extended statement of Governor Magoon before the Senate committee on interoceantc canals. Concerning the problem of civil service rules as applied on tiie canal he said that until recently they were glad to get any clerical help that would go to the isthmus, and at one time more than seventy stenographers Invited to the isth mus declined. Then Senator Morgan asked: "So that, under the conditions as they existed, the appointments of stenographers anil of the clerical force were made through the civil service commission from here?" "yes, sir." responded Governor Magoon, "and tiiat go.;-s up higher. For instance, all out Internes, our nurses and our physi cians." "Physicians?" repeated Senator Morgan, Interrogatively. "Yes, sir; now," was the governor's re sponse. "We apply to the civil service com mission. unless ive want a specialist. As, for instanco-, wo wanted a man to work the X-rny machine. And by the tolerance, I suppose, of the civil service commission, we were allowed to select.'' Son. thing was said about the men em ployed by Chief Engineer Stevens, and Gov ernor Magoon .said they could not pass a civil service examination, and Senator Mor gan asked why. "I presume," said the governor, "some of them have been at work about iron and dpjng .heavy work until there are knots on theji lingr-rs so that th?y would .jot be able to hold a pen." The dual position of Mr. Magoon as gov ernor of the canal zone and minister to Panama was the subject of a long series of questions and answers. Senator Mor gan asked the governor if he would s^ub mit to the committee any correspondence he had with the Panama government. "I think." he. answered diplomatically, "that 1 would have to *sk the committee to apply to the head of the State Depart ment." Senator Morgan agreed with him and then asked about the arms which the Panama government turned over to the i'nited Si Ues and are now in possession of this govt rnmenl, and what he would do if the Panama government should uak for re turn of the arms. "As to 'that." replied Gov. Magoon. "I think I should apply to Secretary Taft. 'J hos. arms wt re turned over to the gov ernor of tiie zone." "Would you feel authorized to act with out She consent of the Secretary of State?'" a. k.. 1 Senator Morgan. "1 would," replied the governor. "But," persisted Senator Morgan, "if you are a subordinate of the Secretary of State you know what will become of you If you do not obey that order, do you not?" "No, I do not." answered the governor. "Well, I think I do." remarked Senator Morgan, amidst the laughter of the com mittee. "I suppose I would continue to be gov ernor Just the,same," was the philosophical comm* nt of Go\ Magoon. Pollution of Streams. From the Richmond Ttmes-Dlsjaitch. Our Durham, N. C., correspondent advises us that Judge C. S. Furgerson has rendered a decision in tho case of the city of Dur ham against tiie Eno Cotton Mills of Hllls boro", restraining the mills from dumping garbage into Eno river. Durham gets its water Hupply from this river, and the garb age dumped from the mills has polluted the stream. This Is a question which has been recently discussed In the TImes-DIspatcb, and which should claim the attention of our law-makers. Legitimate enterprise Is to b? encouraged, but not at the expense of the public health. The streams of Vliginla are nature's own gifts, and they belong to the people. They may be used by private enterprise so long as there is no trespass, but when they ure so employed as to de prive the public of Its rights, the restraining power of the law should be exercised. "I see Grover Cleveland has been blaming the doctors for using big words." "I always thought that man was a mo nopoliat at heart. ?Cleveland Plain Dealer. LOCATING DAN RICE "There are Mm-' Instances a fetlpw fig ures In of w remarkable, sluing'* anil al most uncanny a character that he hates to tell abcut them. ev? n tf? his trusting friends, for fear they win think that he is permitting his Imagination to run riot at the expense of the truth," said a man who writes for the magazine*. "Such an Incident was the singular out come of my hunt for Dan Rtce. the mo3: famous of American clowns of tile older day, about thirteen years ago. "The New York magazine for which 1 was then writing gave me the assignment to write an article about famous clowns of the past. The magazine had come into possession of a fine bunch of prints of the oid-ttme clowns, including some or the earliest who had tiielr fleeting hour away back in the eighteenth century, and the magazine editor wanted me to wtite an article around these pictures?rather a common practice in magazine ottlces, by the way, this thing of having articles written around pictures. One of the prints, made som? time in Hie tirties or sixties, was of the renowned American clown, Dan Rice. The print represented him with all his make-up on. I had never seen L'an Kice in the circus ring, or any where else, of course, for his clownish ac tivities were passed 111 a period long r>e lore mine. "It took a lot of grubbing in libraries to g>"t the mat-rlal for the down article, es pecially to dig up the stuff about the for eign clowns, but l dually got the tacts to gether. .tnd brought the article down to the time of Dan Rii ??. about whom, as the most celebrated of the American clowns, t was to write considerable. And 1 Hum l have any Han Kice material on hand. 1 had heard that Dan Kice was living with one of his daughters somewhere in -New Vork. but even Tody Hamilton, the press agent for the one and only big show, didn't know Just exactly where Dan Kice coum be found. It was necessary, however, that I should see Dan Kice, if such a thing were possible, to get some first-hand clown rem iniscences from him. "So, l began to hum around for Dan Rice. I looked in the directory, and found that there were many nan I4ices in that big book. Dan Kicin were as common as blackbirds In a cornfield -there was even a Uan Kice in the same flat building that 1 occupied, as I had occasionally noticed when glancing ai t ie names over the ves tibule mail boxes. "1 ran a lot of the Dan Rices down to ihelr addresses, always finding that I had pitrfed the wrong one. "The time for the turning in of the article was at hand, anil the magazine editor was pre.-.sing,me for It. Anil >et I couldn't pos- ? slblj turn it in without I tie Han Rice .stuff. The magazine editor, on a Saturday, finally ; gave me until the following Tuesday to j produce the article, and 1 was considerably I worried over my-inability to liml Dan Rice. I "So, on the next morning, Sunday, I j started out from mv flat, determined lo run ! Dan Rice down If he really was living In j New York, as I had heard. I started out | about 11 o'clock that Sunday forenoon. I'd had kind of a lively time of It at a Lambs' ] Club gambol on the night befori-, and, to j sustain nre throughout i lie search for Dan j Rice that I anticipated that day, r dropped ! Into the 'family entrance' of a cafe around j the corner from mv flat for a bit of liquid I nourishment. I sat down at one of the back-room tables to imbibe the brace:*. I "On the other side of tiie table was & man with whose face I was familiar. . j cudgeled my braia a bit to remember him, and then recalled that I'd seen him coming In and going out of the flat building In which I lived. He was an elderly man with a ruddy face and a white goatee, and no other hair on his face, and he wore a good black frock coat and a silk hat. He rec ognized me. too. as one of his neighbors, i and gave me a pleasant sort of a bow when I sat down at the table on the other 1 side of him. Then he remarked, after my ilrink was served, that he considered the weather pretty fine. I thought so. too. " 'Too fine, by alf." the pleasant elderly man observed, with a quiet smile, 'for an old sinner like mc to !>e sitting here In the back room of a saloon, applying hot and re bellious liquor to mv bio,id'?he was taking a highball. 'But a lot of young reprobates got me out and then seduced me into rem iniscence last night, and I felt pretty bad this morning, even for an old man. Trying, ! now. to get back to the normal.' " 'Bad night myself last night." said I. j 'Was a-gamboling with the Indians at the Lambs. Sad lot. Hard to stay the dis- j tance with them. .1 tried to, and here I am. also trying to get back to the normal.' " 'The I<ambs. eh?' said the elderly man. I 'I'm an honora-ry member of that clever outfit, but I don't go to their high-Jinks. Too well along In years to try to keep up with the lads." "Now. it seemed odd to me that this ex ceedingly conservative looking old citizen, who looked like the president of an uptown bank and a vestryman in combination, should belong to so lively an organization as the Lambs' Club of New i'ork. I'm not of a rubbering disposition, but I couldn't refrain from putting a bit of a question that may have been somewhat inquisitive to the old gentleman. " 'You've had something to do with the atricals in the course of your career, then?' I said to him. " 'Oh, yes, In a way.' lie replied, modestly, "If you'd call a clown a theatrical man.' " 'Clown!' said I, all but Jumping out of my chair. 'But, my good sir, you were I never a clown!" " 'Oh. yes. I was,' he replied, his eyes twinkling. 'I was a clown for a good many years Clowned It all over the world. Fact is, I was rather a sensational sort of clown in my day and epoch. If I do say so myself, as shouldn't.' " 'But,' said I, almost bursting with the Idea that was beginning to joggle my wits around, 'you're riot ' " 'Yes, son, I guess- that's who T am.' re plied the old gentle-man, even before I'd got through my sentence.. 'I'm Dan Rice. I reckon you've heard your daddy talk about Dan Rice, eh?' and lie produ?-e<l a ea-il case and handed me his card, with plain 'Dan Rice' engraved on It. "Well, that's all.- H was a stunning and mrmbing ^ort of miracle, but that's exactly how it happened. And we presently went around to his flat, and he gave me material gnlore and more fine prints of himself in tiie old-fashioned clownish make-up. and T had my article all written and trimmed up with the best Dan Rice material ever pub lished before midnight that' night. And Dan Rice, the clow i. had been living In the flat right underneath mhie for two years, and I'd never known who he was. "if I'd read anything like this little clown story of mine in a book I'd sniff Incredu lously. as we all do over remarkably pat happenings in works of fiction. But the thing I've told you about happened just as I've told It. all the same." Pumping Life Back With the Tongue. From thi* Searchlight. Rhythmical traction of the tongue has long been one of the most effective means of reviving a person who has been drowned. Dr. Laborde. who has carried on extensive Investigation on the effect of tongue trac tion as a means of resuscitation, maintains that often, although the organism has ap parently ceased to live externally, It lives Internally. That is to say, life is still latent and while there Is latent life there Is a hope of saving a drowned or asphyxiated per son. The function which it is most neces sary to revive Is the respiratory. Kxperimenting upon dogs, Dr. Laborde found that two or three hours after appar ent death had set in it was sometimes possi ble to secure resuscitation. A vigorous half bulldog, weighing thirty-five pounds, was chloroformed to such an ex lent that respi ration had entirely ceased. After a quarter of an hour's traction of t lie tongue the animal came to. The experiment was tried asaln until complete asphyxiation had oc curred, and traction was not resorted to till five minutes later. The dog. which had been named Lazarus, this time appeared to be dead. One hour and two hours of traction followed, with no result, but after another half hour a respiratory cougli showed that life was present. The dog soon revived. It oc curred to Dr. Laborde that it would be a good idea to substitute a mechanical device Jot" the cloth-covered hand. The first ap paratus made was driven by clock work. The more Improved apparatus now used Is operated by an electric motor. By means of this improved instrument it is possible to subject the tongue to continuous traction for three hours. It such a period be neces sary. As She Understood It. From the Chicago Tribune. "Bessie, we shall have to apply the star vation cure to that cold of yours. You must let up a little on your feed." "Rub a little on my feet, papa! Rub whatr* A CONJUGAL SYSTEM The married man alluded to herein has. for the past two months or so, Iwn follow ing what he falls a "conjugal system.^* 1'p to the ptesent he Is away ahe.nl of the game. He maintains, wUn considerable show of proof, that his system Is one that can't lose. His system, briefly defined, consists In standing mute under his wife's tirades. He evolved the theory, both from experi ence and observation, that If there Is any one thing In the world that Infuriates a married woman engaged In orally lam basting her husband for his sins, it is for the husband to maintain an utter and im penetrable silence. When he found this out he had gained wisdom, and when he put it Into practice he had gained j>eac?i. Before tumbling onto this conjugal sys tem. lie nad permitted himself to make reply to his wife's jll?e?, jeers and accusa tions during the moments of domestic erup tions. He did not Know. then, that the man never lived, before or after the earliest.of the Phoenician navigators, who ever stood a chance on earth to win in an argument witli his wife. Myriads of millions of hus bands have gone to their graves without ever having found this fact out. Countless millions who did find it out didn't have the sense to be guided by it, and lost out in their domestic struggle-s. as a matter of course, from the beginning to tlie end. Before this particular man gained the wisdom of silence under wifely reprobation he had, like most of the rest, the habit of answering back. He would come home pretty late, for example, with some kind of obviously rehearsed yarn about having at tended to an important business engage ment, and his wife would open up 011 him. He'd have a pat reply. She'd spring a patter one. Then they'd have It back and forth, and the thing would inevitably ter minate in the man's being slithered to rib bons. One fancy crack would bring on an other, one sarcasm would generate another, and for a little while the scarred and evil bird of hate would hover over the home, imager to gain the advantage, which, of course, had never really departed from the woman, both would say things to eaoh other that it hurt them to even think about after ward. and thus the old game went on. Now. the man discovered the strange ef ficacy of silence In a curious way. He came home one night about two months ago just a teenchy bit to the bad. He had met some of the fellejs, and he'd taken one 01 two too many.' He didn't have any excuse at hand that he thought he'd be able to get away with at home. Moreover, he had a hunch that his tongue might prove a bit thick and troublesome, anyway So. right on the threshold of his home he had an in spiration. He resolved that he wouldn't say a word. It worked gorgeously, and he's been play ing the system ever since. Here's about the way the play unravels itself: We'll suppose that the man comes home late. His wife is sitting up, with all of the gas flaring, and the corners of her mouth drawn tightly downward. She drops her book when he comes in. stares hard at him, and. says she, in a most significant tone, full of Inquiry: "Well?" Man, after hanging up his hat and coat, drops into a chair, with an amiable ex pression of countenance, flicks a little im aginary dust off his coat lapel, and says nothing. She's waiting for him to begin to unreel the excuse. He fools her. "Well?" she repeats In a hard, acrid tone. "Have you any reason to offer for your coming home at this time of the night, or morning, and in this condition?" (The man has had two bottles of beer, and his condi tion is all right, but she won't grant that.) Man gets to looking at one of the pictures on the wall, and seems to notice that the picture is hanging a bit crooked.. He goes over to the picture and fixes It straight, but says nary a word. This causes her to begin, then and there, to get somewhat het us. "So you don't dare trust yourself to talk that is it?" she says, with a still more ac cusatory ring in her tone "You are simply tongue-tied tonight after your carousing, eh ?" Man gets out ills pocket knife, opens up the nail file blade, and proceeds to file away an imaginary hang nail from his left thumb. But he doesn't say a word. "What do you think of yourself. I'd like to know?" says his wife, after half a min ute's silence, making the pause for the per fectly obvious purpose of allowing the man to put his foot into it by replying, which lie utterly declines to do. "X wonder If you ever stop to think that you are going to the dogs Just as fast as you ever can? Does It ever occur to you that you're getting Into a rut of dissipation lately that is just bound to drag you down to perdition and land us iboth in the poorhouse?" Man whistles about three bars of a plain tive air. and picks up The Star paper, which he rend through right after dinner, and pretends to be deeply absorbed in the \na costia news. But he doesn't say anything. I She begins to pant with rage. It begins I to become palpable to her that he isn't go ing to reply to any ordinary knock. She I makes up her mind that she's going to make him siy something or know the rea son why. In order to st:?rt him, she con cludes t<> hand h.im some kind of a cutting jolt sufficient to damage his self-esteem, which she. like most women, imagines Is the male heist's most vulnerable point, next to his desire for food at all hours of the day and night. "Do you know." she says to him. with great deliberation, "that you are beginning t.) look perfectly sodden? Your face is pos itively puffy. You are beginning to look coarse and jowly. You are beginning to neglect your appearance, and are becoming dandruffy and feathery and common look ing " Mail gazes up at tlie ceiling, with a sort of half-grin, and whiffles the remaining har or two of the plaintive air. But he Isn't there with any reply whatever. By this time she is so furious that her hands are trembling, and her face is spotty with red wrath. "T suppose," she goes on. "that the com pany you have been in tonight was so vile that even you?even you?hate to sit and 11? about it. and so you are keeping still?" Man gets up and yawns ant stretches with great, apparent enjoyjnent. But he has nothing to say. ' Her teetli are clicking together by this time, and there are two bright spots on her cheelrs. She looks as if she'd like to bite him. "Yes?" she add- "and your hair Is pet ting thin on top. You've got all the signs of a man going to pieces. You're becom ing fat and stodgy. Your eyes are becom ing green and watery-looking. I know folks are beginning to notice how you're going down how could they help noticing it? Why. even your teeth ire beginning to turn ciirk. from neglei-t and dissipation. I'd just like to have you see yourself as you are lately, and as others -ee you." Man turns over the advertising pages of one of the magazines on the table, and seems to become profoundly Immers. d in the pictures of automobiles. But he re mains silent. His wife begins to hop up and down the room, unable to contain her self In he*- rage. "Heaven forgive me for having joined my life to a perfect dummy!" she snaps. 'If anybody had ever predicted for me that I'd be tied for lif?- to a noody-niddy that couldn't say a word for himself. I'd have tust laughed, that's what I'd have done just laughed'" etc.. etc., etc. And thus on. for about fifteen minutes more, during which the man utters liix the word. Then, while she's slill talking, and becom ing more cutting and vituperative all the time, he gets up. winds the sitting room clock puts the pup out in the kitchen, locks the doors, and. with sundry and di vers deliberate yawns and "ho-hums." walks upstairs, takes off his clothes, puts on his pajamas, and gets Into bed- and all the while she's still talking and straining every* knot to draw him out. But he isn't being drawn. The next morning he wakes up and be gins to chat easily and amiably as if noth ing had happened, and she. a bit ashamed of her one-sided outburst, joins in tlie chat. Bully system, boys! Let's all play It! His Wife's Money. From the Atchison Globe. Once upon a time a mnn married a woman who hatf inherited $,VX) from a grandfather. This was all she ever received, but the man never got credit for his efforts the rest of his life. He built a new store. "Did It with his wife's money," the neigh bors said. The home was made over and enlarged. "His wife's money did It," was the only comment. The little measly $500 she inherited was given the credit for every thing he did during life, and when he died and his widow put up a monument with his life Insurance, "Her money paid for that," was said again. But this Is what her money really went for: During her en gagement she bought herself a $330 piano and a <150 diamond ring and In a few weeks lost the ring; there was always some regret that she didn't k>M the piano. GRAFT III WASHINGTON How the Counterfeit "League of Press Artists" Operated. WORKFD SCHEME TWICE Prominent Men Victims of a Polite Blackmailing Game BOUGHT -ORIGINAL DRAWINGS" Manner in Which Foreign Representa tives, Senators and Others Were Induced to Swell the Fund. The recent revelations concerning that strangely "asy "Kails and Far. fn" tame us worked by a cheerful if cynical lot of grafters in New York ca ise,| . i.IiI>l?* wonderment here in Washington The won derment focused upon this point How did the big personages tackled by tlie "Fads and Fancies" grafters ha|rp*n to "fall" easily ? A good way to answer Mich a question Is to cite other examp'es. And herein shall l>e given an example of how consummately easy it was for a pack of grafter* to work a scheme even more bogus than the "Fads and Fancies" dodge upon slews and slath ers of the notables of no less and no more distant a town than Washington. Reference Is hud to that counterfeit "league of press artists" which "cleaned up" in Washington three years ago and followed that clean-up with another suc cessful attempt just a year later. <ir two years ago. The forgctfulnes of public men and ot prominent persons generally was Illustrated by the ease with which this outfit turned the trick here in Washington a second time after having not away with big profits at the first essay. The scheme had been attacked in several western cities before it ever drifted to Washington, and Its manipulators?the main one of whom is now a chevalier d'lndtistrle In Paris?vir tually chased out of these towns. Yet the operators easily "got away" with the scheme here, not once, but twice. The manipulators of this alleged "league of press artists." now defunct, virtually held up as sand-bagging mendicants most of the men throughout the country with established reputations for making picture* for the newspapers. It was to "help" theso makers of newspaper pictures that the grafters pretended to be working. The pic ture makers were thus exhibited to the view of the most notable men In the land as Individuals In hard luck, overworked and underpaid chaps, beggars and legiti mate objects of charity. This presentation of the case of the newspaper artists served to astonish, as well It might have, a great many of the public men in Washington who were "maced" by the manipulators of th< scheme. Supposed Artists Were Prosperous. "I have met a great many of the young men who draw pictures ami cartoons for the newspapers, all over the countiy." a puzzled United States senator remarked to one of the grinning grafters, after he had reluctantly scrawled a good-sized check and handed It over to the chap, "and 1 am bound to gay that they always struck me as mighty flourishing and Independent lot. Xot a few of them seemed, la truth, such overwhelming, not to say perky, chaps, that I felt quite humble in the presence of cer tain of them. I'm sure I never understood before that thej- were all 'up against It," as the saying is. and as you have Ju*t told me. I was of the opinion that all of the newspaper artists whose names appear on this list you have shown me were exceed ingly well paid for their work. Rut, of course, if the young men are all broke?" and the senator dismissed the subject with a shrug. The grafter had the check, and the matter was closed. The scheme itself was simple enough. The grafter flashed upon the victim an or nate circular, captioned in various-hued Inks, with the name of the "l.-ague," ar.d with a long and quite impressive-looking list of the newspaper artists who were claimed to bo members of the league. Tlie good thing was informed that at a well known ashlngton hotel there was pres ently to be held an exhibition of the original drawings of these newspaper picture mak ers. All of the original drawings thus ex hibited were to be for sale. The contribu tor __to the fund to "help the artist boys out was given the privilege of picking out for himself the original drawings that made a hit with him. He was given first, sec ond. eighth, tenth or twentieth choice of the original drawings, In proportion to the size of his "tear-off"?1. e? his contribution, the number of drawings that he could se lect was regulated by the amount he con tributed toward "giving the press artist boys h lift." The impression was skillfully thrown out by the operators of the d<xige that all of the profits, outside of the expenses of tlio ex Jnbition, were divided pro rata among the newspaper artists whose names appeared on the ornate circular. The grafters dwelt with equal Insistence upon tlie fact" that the artists were made aware of the names of the contributors to their charity fund. Looked Like Polite Blackmail. The scientific clutch inherent In this point was that the men appealed to for money were mostly of the class who appreciate the supposititious advantages of "standing well" In the 'estfeem of the men who m ike newspaper pictures. In this respect, then. If in no other, the plan bordered mighty close to the line of more or less pol.te black mail. In essence, the manlpul uor said to the public man, "Dig up, and tiw? men who make newspaper pictures will stop making u laughing stock of you or holding you up to public disapproval." Thus the news paper artists were given, in the minds or the victims of the scheme, a vindictive ar.d revengeful character. Toey were portrayed as being in no wise subject to the instruc- ! tions of their employers op curbed in the I manifestation of personal spleen by the 1 policy of the newspapers for which they I worked?made to appear, in brief, as some- j ?what threatening sand-baggers, acting through gabby agents. "Chip in, or we'll make a show of you," was virtually the ! shibboleth of the counterfeit organization ! of newspaper artists, according to the way the matter was presented by the manipu- j lators of the scheme, so that even tlie shrewd men of wealth and position who j questioned the character of the game were frequently led to the dishing out of cur rency or the scribbling of cheeks simply because they did not care to take even a chance of being stabbed all at once by the whole body of newspaper artists whose names were?utterly without right, warrant or permission?printed on the phony "league's" circulars. The astonishing Impudence of the game was only equaled by the astonishing i a.-e with which It was worked. Newspaper ar tists of note who had been tipped off. while j the "league" was operating in western clt- i ies. that their names were printed on the bogus circular, got after the "league" and managed to have the grate is driven out of the western cities. Hut, imagining that the j graft was all over when the "league" was chased from thcr west. the newspaper artists neglected to expose the dodge when it quiet ly slipped into Washington Hence the big clean-up here. The "original drawings" that were put on exhibition were the merest junk?the off scourings of cheap studios, the product of, the pens and brushes mostly of hack makers of advertising pictures. They were sent to Washington In bales, and the pic tures, so far as any actual art value was concerned, were not worth 10 cents a bale. Got What They Could. The amounts which the manipulators of this game gouged from their victims varied according to the reputation for wealth and "easiness" of the men approached. Some of the men In Washington who "fell for" the dodge contributed as high as $300. Others gave $300, $300, 1100, the latter fig ure being the smallest sum asked, but de cidedly not the smallest sum accepted, for the Importunate workers were known to have taken so small a sum as (10 (and this after having asked for $100 or $3001 from public men who fr&akly announced that they didn't Uk* tki leaks mt the aame, but w. ir willing I" miiko ? '?mull tl it - ?> Kraft*-!* exprewaed It. to l? rid -r i afcce. The bend manipulator ?f the ? I.?<!uc- n I * ??J Ills corps of cuJUk i 1i>k graf' ?o p. i cent of nil the inovi-y they took i i fellow s Vflio "went 'ill' and got 1!, were h w<*ll-ilrf!t?w1. plausible v .*?. v* - sporty-looking lot. *i" a t of \ t ? i of gab. From their goier.11 .ippeara? quickly revealed character I ?.i> qUMtton If one of them In! fe : 1 reputable newsjiap.r at tint in his Mr One of the first victims of the anm. Washington wan Scnor lion Phllllpi?- |: nau-Varllla. the suave ic;re French Interests Iti the I'nnarna ca:.< when tint gentleman had been In \\ i-ci lnfton only a few days The leagn. grafter who "got Hum'; Varllla a couple of newspaper men up in an ? vator of the hotel here at which H n;t Varllla registered Tie* newsp?t>ei tie were keeping nn appointment to Inleji im Buiiau Varllla about Panama ?fT > ? 1 the worker of the "league of press ai game tagged along after tliein Idt? > IV Varllla's private reception room. 0 iv 1 around and expanding his ch? ?t a good d? 1 to amplify his Importance for lie w ;* * big rather good-looking fiKow of the |!,.sc. kind. The iwn newspaper ir-ai took r.;r:? f.c another newspaper in t 1 unknown to tin it. and so did Btinau-Varilla w the g- f' tr ;iIpse.I into the prH \te r. eptlon iihiiii 111 the wake of the tw > Interviewers The Interviewers got tl.e'r "talk and took t ?e1r depart 1re. 1 1 graftei poi posely lagged behind. ui uhen tlM terviewcrs were gone, be flashed Ills Scheme ujsin the nivstinad I'ren ! it, from Panama. llur.au-V.nil: .. n his ?? n English, protested that !:e k:.ew 1 .i1 of the plan, argu<d that lie wasn't famlt' 1 with the ways of the country, and plored the grafter, whom Im nppOil lie a legitimate ll- wspapet 11 in. to | propsltlon In writing ind s ibmit it :? (Buna u - Varilla's) secretary for ? < tlon and Judgment. The Frenchmc.n "Dug up " "Oh. nonsense, nix. old lain.' replied tn ? grafter. cheerfullv. t' the . onfi e,i Frenchman. "fome 0 > rem !? ,r off hundred and help the hoys .Ions Y" II be in good coinpanj .ill right here ? . s' of llie eminent \nieri**atis who've conti b uteil to give the press ,i" lists a lift, the worker flashed 1 list of ?- raw el names upon the man ftoni Panama w.i-. bad been In the I te.l St < ? - - v week Scnor I>on 1' 111** 1* . 1 V .11 ? < bis bald head for a ml; 1 is set M afterward told tile story aid then he ? >1 lapsetl and surrendered. 11 ? handed ' grafter III*! in urreno. and '??? n. ? ? d parted from the private reception room ? a broad grin, as one w ? ? w ? ili say. I a shame to take anything si dcid . ,i?\ One morning, at the anw1Bly IHW o'cltK'k. one of the < ? ?ntiterte|t leas c grafters visited lie leg.11 icii.daii; of an Ambassador from a t-untrv In nor lern Europe for *t he ii'iijio^e "nai.inK hirsute diplomat The ambassador was '! hreik'.i- Ti grafter told the btlllff. in p:? Hlvtly, 1 must see the ambassador fit |M raon ' > ? 1* errand was ore of 1 xt: ? ?? c l' butler, impressed by the af!<: s ' ; 11 hunted up the amba-.sa i " - MCNtir) w; > was also at breakfast, and the s?- ^?t.i' made ills bowing app arai e and ii i c'e.i politely if he wouldn'l aarra In placi of ' ? ambassador, who hat*si t,, le* i1isturl?ed by anything short of a Ufa and death alfai when at Ids m?als, 0M4MGWI h j added T. " grafter brushed the se ;etar. aside i a fine Impatience. He demanded to see the ambassador In person, and that w is ail there was to It. The ambaseadm w a.s dragged away from his breakfast table ami appeared in the reception room, still strik ing his beard with Ms napkin. The t ?? grafter sprung his scheme and alri r? market] to the ambassador that he 1 imt' ' the ambassador ought to be ^ m l . ? m : for a "cut-off, say. of two tndred c to help the boys along That ambassador stood in a red and ? plectlc rage for about ball a minute at the chnp had finished, for he was liter,i:'? stunned by the pure, unadulterated the fellow. Then he broke into a fu:of broken but explosive Knglish that . c: d l?e heard all over the place, and tile gr.it! sauntered out with h ch igrlned smile r marking to the Buttons on duty at M ? door, "His whiskers don't like to In 1.0 cred when he's at the eats, does lie? ; story Is given as It happened to illtrsti the utter nerve of the work rs of tiie f.?; scheme. It should be added, however M..*' they "nailtd" the man they set our "nail" In about nine casus out o( tct?_ Let Him Off Easily. A wealthy senator from New F.i.gi?J, who is one of the most open-handed m< In public life, was one of the shrewd ones who gor off with 1 comparative!} 1 :ii "tear-off." The grafter visited this n.?t Just a minute or so l>?fore the Senate s<* slon began, and observed, after fl^s! 1 _ tlie scheme, that he though! about ire.t hundred from the senator would do "Three hundred, you say?" said tie ator, nettled at the coolness if th# | si tlon. "Well. I guess It's not going to d ? The easy, airy way with which a lo; or people who 'drop in' In here oti me talk about hundred-dollar bills is something from which I am ut length ceasing to . ? tract amusement. None of you seem ? want less than 11 hundred, nnd a good many of you hold out your hands for .-v< :> five hundred, and It seems to be onlv matter of a little time when you'll all ti? demanding a thousand or even u million why not? 1 don't know anything ahotr scheme, excejit that I never have happ* 11. I to meet up with an> needy |>ress aril-'-. But here's $25?good da ." a:. 1 the . i' rushed out of his committee room loot like a man whir felt m-'.isurablv cet > that he had Just tossed Into .1 was'e pipe. One of these graftei s w ho. c.alrmng that he'd got the worst of it in tin- dis tribution of the swag, ?'peached" on the phonv outfit after the scheme bad been worked here the scvond time, estimated tliat from SUa.ooo to **.'>,'??> had ? n ? cleaned up by the manipulators of the <io0g? on each visit of the fake "league" to \\ ash ington. But, mnktng all due allow ce 1 .s the no torious forget fulness of t-. vi- titas of frame-ups. It is gravely doubttui it U) 1 scheme will be sticce---fully VIM had a? Washington for a good many > 1 - come. TAFT AND HILL. They Have Long' and Earnest C j:.i ences. Holding radically diff?i< :i: views o subjects is it not strange that Wrn II. i" if: and Jajnes J. Hill dMM ktvi and e:irnest conferences? In polili. - Ti . Is a republican and Ilill 1 democrat. Ti' Is a firm l>elie\er in "1; ^cid rue lo; ?! tlon and Mill Is not. Tart is in ent . ; irxiu; the Panama canal. Hill Is a pe>?rtis', doubting Its advisability and utility w ? 1 complct'd. But they d . 's.e gi u' fairs, this head of a gri at bi ~ I ;ici - raent of the'government ai I tills },?>?? a great railroad corporation. They .1 : plainly, earnestly aid w rhout nfr\i I no doubt both are be:;.: i formed ? getiing the other's point of view. i'a says he. likes to talk wlt.'i Hill, bec.tn*. wants to know the "weak points" <>: I own position, and he I- sur- to get ti.. u from the railroad magnate and Una . Hill gives the best advice |.e can. I: <: Hill who tells the Secretary wl.at h- v. , Lo know a!>out men. No doubt Hill h <1 more to do with the "ion of John i'. Stcvf ns as chief ' K' f ? mal ' :i ?ny other man. "If yon w in: a man who *?111 do rite work there is pone n , Stevens," Hill said to Tafl And : h< : 1 went on and told htm a ?: it <leal ?Stevens, lus. ability as , . . , r i. - Hrsist.-ncc, his me;1u..Js of iun lii'ig uc ?. uid his zeal for honest u irk and I n every walk of life. par:i ularly in b-.i it?s. And Taft has found St' ens to 1 11 .hat Hill clalm?d for lilrn James J. Hill has told a congi committee what ho has told every p.-i-o-i n'ith whom he has mtoudy discussed tire tubject, that he does not fear compel in ?f the canal for Ills transcontlrcnti . nnd >r!ental traffic. He illustrated on 1 nr lowing a distance wl.lcb freight from 1 ?entral point, like Pittsburg, would h.iv. o te hauleil, going first to the Atlatn - > KMird, thence by rease lowu to Panama 1: d lorth on the Pacific to reach the greu' cii - ?le. "When you are abreast of I'i.k. t lound," he said, "wr will Inve haul. I i i roods by the lakes and rati, loaded 1. iteamers and will be at Yokohama 1 ? 1 wo to three weeks ahead of the be?t !;? 1 ou can make by way of Panama." I' ? ilao said that continued Improvements 1 ?aliroads will make cheaper rates and n> he time the canal ia In operation the tva'h. Mil be so well accommodated on tiie 11 at '.ontlnental routea that it vwlli not be easily llverted to the newr waterway. "Aren't you ashamed to beg?" "Sometimes, mum When 1 find ) o? aingy people are 1 fairly blushes for tlieai ' Philadelphia Public Ledger.