Evening star. [volume], November 09, 1919, Page 9, Image 79

About Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972

Image provided by: Library of Congress, Washington, DC

                
RING W. LARDNER'S WEEKLY LETTER
TO the Editor: Well as I said In
my last letter to this paper we
are movelng east In the near
future and now I am beginning
to wonder what kind of a welcome will
the easterners give me as I am not well
known In the east like out around Chi
and a specially amist the fair sex though
J worked In Boston for a wile but they
wasnt hardly time between takelng the
job and looselng It to even get ac
quainted -with Central you might say.
When a man like I moves Into a new
settlement the 1st thing the lady8 gen
erally always does Is to get up a serious
of functions where the object Is for the
party to get acquainted and make him
feel at home though In many cases a
person sometimes feels worse there then
anywheres. Well I am scared to death
that the serious of functions give for
me will be balls because the lad ye god
bless them has got the ldear that if a
man is born tall or gets that way why
he must be a good dancer and don't en
joy no other amusement only tripping
the life fantastic.
Well girts I was tall for a good many
yrs. before I felt the need to use my
dogs for anything only to take shoes
?'SO 1 1SIGHT I DRAPED MYSELF IV
A MONKEY SUIT."
out walking ?nd In fact I never give a
thought to what some practical Joker
named the art of dancelng till after 1
was married and wouldn't of then only
the people that come into our home use
to talk about it like it was fun and
WAR RISK
rE government has a new "trou
ble man." He U a being evolved
from the confusion and chaotic
conditions which attended the
arrival of the American expeditionary
forces in Prance?at least that part
which was composed largely of the
draft.
The trouble man was born of neces
sity, a necessity which arose from the
fact that in the hurly-burly of war
the square peg sometimes had fallen
into the round hole and naturally was
not up to the requirements of the
space to be filled.
Big business long ago realized that
a personnel staff was as nccessary to
the successful carrying on of business
us a board of directors, a presidont or
vice president. However, the govern
ment has been slow to recognize this,
and as a conscquence has found thut
even with a large force of clerks work
frequently runs behind. It is easy
enough to get to the wheel horse, per
haps, and find that work Is going tan
dem instead of four-in-haud, but tho
trouble man makes the team pull to
gether.
? * * ?
The first A. E. F. to arrive at the
quaint little town of St. Naialre,
France, June 26, 1917, was composed
of the Regular Army, who knew how
to drop into their places with precis
ion. Military duties and discipline
were to them second nature through
long training, and they also were in
spired by the knowledge that they
had been sent over to break the way
for the new draft men who were to
be sent later. In other words, they
were to start the ball rolling toward
finishing the war and get things
started for their brothers In arms who
were new to the business of war.
The general staff of the A. E. F.
was occupying offices in the Kue Con
stantino, Paris. Preparations went by
leaps and bounds and the quarters be
came too crowded. Later the staff
went up to Chaumont, in the north of
France, where, jUBt four months and
twenty-five days after Amorica de
dared a state of war with Germany,
Old Olory was unfurled for the first
time in the war. They were getting
nearer to the scene of action, and Oen.
Pershing sent out word that he would
soon be ready- to take a hand. The
allies had loarned that Oen. PcrBhing
knew what he was talking about and
that he had a convincing way of say
ing things. Howevor, after three
years of desperate fighting, with the
od?s of getting ready against them.
'? 1 ? ? L, ^ iL' . . ? ,^ . in 4m
I'LL SAY I WONT DANCE
mine hostess would set there looking
kind of wlshfull as though she regrettea
the sacrMoe she made When she yessed
a non danseuss. And When she would
tell the young visitors that her husband
didn't danoe they use to mumble why
he should ought to be a fine dancer on
acct. of Ills highth.
Well 1 time I happened to run down
to N. T. and a oouple of wealthy base
ball writers asked me would I go out
to a road house with they and their
wives and we hadn't no sooner then set
down to the sardine sandwiches when
the discord struck up and 1 of the girls
thinking I was backwards asked me for
the 1st dance. I don't dance I said.
Nonsense she said I will learn you in 1
lesson.
Well her and her accomplish took
turns mopping the fir. with my No. li
and no-100 and when they was ex
hausted they said now go back to Chi
surprise the mate.
At that time we was llveing In a
suburb name Riverside on aect. of it
being along the side of a river Instead
of in It ana they had assemblys every
other maids day out so 1 night I draped
myself in a monkey suit and told the
wife to dress up also as we was going
to the ball. She near dropped dead but
not 1-2 as near as dureing the 1st.
dance.
Well we went to the assemblys every
2 wks. for a while and between dances
I would look around the walls and won
der whose turn it was next as I wanted
to treat all the gals fair and I noticed
that they was always looking back at
me with what X thought at the time
was expectants but, I found out after
wards it was terror. I guess they was
only 1 In the gang that didn't give a
dam and she was a girl that teached
danceing on the side and was the great
est defensive dancer that ever stepped
into the Ring.
It mlgfit be a consultation to them
gals to know that they wasn't the only
one that suffered as it didn't take me
only 1 or 2 evenings to make it up in
my mind that when It come to enter
tainment I would }ust as leaf beat the
Uvelng rm. rug and they hasn't noth
ing occurred since that time to shake
this theory. My sentiments in regards
to la danse told me Wtsere the accent
ought to come in Terpsichore before I
ever heard anybody pronounce it.
DANCER ON ACCOUNT OF BIS IIKltlHW
I haven't no soruplM va. the habit gets me Is the waist of time Whan a
on moral grounds though I often been man might be flaying brWge or straight
tempted to enlist as a Baptist as the jacks where you oan eett dowtvand rest
best means of being limine but what your dogs and enjoy yourself even when
you leeee beeanee they*s no ?km to
fat bored where they'e money iB sight
and even in coif where yon walk pretty, 7
near 1-2 as far aa In a one eM? lU
you can vet on every bole and wkjp
yon (at tired you can quit without Wo
body thinking your rude. ?ut when
you get stuck op In a dance you baS to
?tick at It till the saxophone driver runs
out of gas or tools a ned and ao tar
they haan't nobody Invented a alWa
to Ramble on thin game and 'bwHia
?bout the only thing you cotfld Ml on
would be whose fault waa It When you
parked on the opponent's dogs and I
would have a fat cbanoe to Wla.
When 1 bear a bird aay Ma go
aomewhere and danoe I figure to 'Mat
either be co-ooo or boiled oaualy the
last aamed and It looka to wm like pro
hibition when it gets going win VMnra
fair Terplcide because when you Wfc a
?an that la oold sober Why to UMa to
danoe moat of them to 'dam or ?lae Qaj
aay because Its good eaerotoe but H it
waa exercise they are out 'looking fcr
why don't they dance at Mag paitys
which I have been to a Whole 'lot 'of
them and never yet seen 1 of my OWn
?ex danoelng with a brother lodge num
ber unlest the 2 of them waa to Ikr
gone to think about exorcising though
whan you oome down to aaaea it would
be a whole lot better exercise to dance
with a man as they generally always
come heavier though I have had female
opponents that their best friend* eould&'t
apeak of them in the same breath With
Bonnie Leonard.
As for a tall man being born to danoe
why you haven't no ldear what a tall
man sutlers even walking for the fear
he will looso his balance and keel over
and a specially since the fight at To
ledo as what beat Willard that day was
the hlghth he fell from and no para
chute to break It. Further and more
the runts and birds of mediooer hlghth
appears to glean some pleasure on the
danoe fir. by resting their shave vs. the
opposing cheek but an old elm like I
can't never learn what delights there
may be In such cohesion without he top
ples over at the hip Joints like a 7.
So as I say I am scared stiff that the
eastern gals will rub the fur the wrong
way by takelng me to their bosom via
to danse and if they do I only hope they
won't take no offense when I t?U them
I won't dance as I have found oat that
the politer term '1 don't danoe" kaant
no more effect than orange crush.
RING XV LARDNHR.
Goihen, Ind., Nov. 7.
(Oopyrlfbt, 1910, Btll Syndicate, lac.)
BUREAU HAS AN OFFICIAL "TROUBLE MAN"
Col. Max R. Wainer, Who Was a Sort of Father Confessor to the
American Expeditionary Force, Takes Over Personnel Work.
Finding the Proper Places for Clerks of the Bureau.
they could scarcely realise the task
before the American staff.
Fighting men were arriving as
planned, but they had to be fed,
clothed and equipped, and there was
already a crowded transportation
problem that France was struggling
with, and the mass of men and sup
plies arriving daily were an aggrava
tion to an Inflamed situation. Hail
roads were to be built, rolling stock
made ready, depots of supply located
and ten thousand other things to be
done. It was then that the service of
supply, now known the world over by
the three magic letters, S. O. S., was
organised, with MaJ. Gen. Harbord In
command. Harbord. who handled the
marines at Belle&u Wood and Bour
esches.
It was right here that Uncle Sam's
trouble man came into being. It re
quired a diplomat to get these mis
fits out of the way. Col. Max B.
Walner, U. S. A., was choscn for the
job as head of the reclassification
bureau. There were several reasons
why he was picked for the work;
perhaps first and foremost bocause ho
was a diplomat as well as a soldier.
He enlisted as a private and rose to
hlB commission. He knew what hard
knocks meant and the best way to
get around them.
Then, as a brother officer expressed
it. "there was a look about' Wainer's
eyes when he was talking to a man
that Inspired a friendly feeling. They
Invited confidence and respect and
the conviction soon grew that he
knew what he was talking about,
and knowing that he was ready to
deliver the goods, with the under
standing that the other man must
give full value for his products." So
Col. Walner took up the task of re
organizing the A. E. F. personnel.
He worked early and late unravel
ling the problem of human misfits. He
taught the officer, the soldier, the
lawyer, the doctor, the engineer, the
business man Or laborer of the A. E.
F. that sometimes a man would go
all through life as a misfit, only to
find that after discouragement had
berome chronic there might have
been a place exactly salted to bis pe
OOU MAX R. WAINER, C. R. A.,
Chief of peraonael bureau of war risk
lirannn.
culiar needs and Qualifications. He
made it known to the men who were
Bont to him that it was his business
to And that place before harm could
be done.
It was soon recognised that "per
sonnel. with Col. Walner was not a
high sounding, stock praise; it meant
men; It meant that tho many were
not to be sacrificed for the few, and
that every man in the American Army
in France was to be put In tho place
where he could best serve his coun
try, regardless of his personal feel
ings or influence.
It became Col. Walner's duty to
take the measure of these men, hear
their confessions and find the place to
which they were suited. It was often
a bitter dose that had to be admin
istered and It required a great
amount of that sort of diplomacy born
of sincerity and good Judgment.
Ono morning the bureau chiefs of
the A. E. F. In France found on their
desks a memorandum signed by a
member of Gen. Pershing's staff. It
read;. 'If there Is any officer In your
department, in any grade whatsoever,
whom you regard as incompetent,
that officer will upon your recommen
dation be sent to the reclassification
station. You can safely count on the
fact that unless It be by accident he
will not be returned to your depart
ment.
"It is not necessary In recommend
ing this officer for reclassification
that you state any reasons for desir
ing to get rid of him, but in order
to assist in the reclassification of the
officer and to better place him In
some other field where his services
may be more useful to the United
States, every such case should be ac
companied by a frank statement of
the officer's Qualifications and dis
qualifications so far as they have
been developed while serving in your
department.
* * * *
"It should be understood that the
policy of the commanding general, S.
O. S? Is to make a readjustment of
personnel, so as to get the maximum
advantage out of every man's service.
It frequently happens t&at a man
who is totally unqualified for one
class of work is well qualified for an
other, and however worthless an Of
ficer may appear to be from your
viewpoint It may be that his services
oan be used to some advantage in
another field."
This notice was an eye-opener and
caused those who received It to sit
up anil take notice.
Col. It. Q. Cholmeley-Jones, who was
decorated for his services abroad,
when he took hold of the bureau of
war risk insurance found that there
was need of reorganisation among
the ten or twelve thousand clerks.
He nought to find where the trouble
lay. After expert advice he decided
that a chief of personnel alone could
solve the difficulty. Knowing the
work of Col. Wainer abroad, he
asked for his detail to the bureau.
Owing to his wide experience. Col.
Wainer has boon able to make a nice
distinction bctu etn personnel work
in & government bureau and similar
work In the Army.
There to no red tape stretched
across the door of Col. Walner's of
fice. Col. Cholmeley-Jonea, the di
rector of the bureau, believes In a
practical open-door policy and the
employes are encouraged to tell the
chief of personnel their grievances.
* * * *
Col. Walner said in describing hla
work: The scope of the personnel
division is not confined to a few and
occasional problems and cases. It em
braces every employe in the service
and is interested in every position,
operation and activity. Some people
seem to think that the personnel dd
vislon is only a matter of employ
ment or appointment. Personnel
work Is much more than this. Em
ployment or appointment is only the
first step. What follows is of vastly
greater value and extent. It is the
particular province of the personnel
division, with a thorough analysis of
the personnel on the one hand and a
complete analysis of positions on the
other, to find and fit square pegs to
square holes and round pegs to round
holes. It is within the line of the
personnel division to discover and
formulate the proper machine and
machinery for conducting and direct
ing operations in so far as the same
la possible through the personnel of
the bureau.
"One of the greatest lessons taught
by the war is the vital Importance of
personnel work in business activity.
The welding of the vast force of di
verse employes of the bureau of war
risk, for instance, Into a great hum
ming machine of result-producing ac
tivity Is the function of the person
nel division. It Is not a question ?f
new personnel. The great Issue Is (be
use and development of the present
foroe of employes so that each indi
vidual may be placed In the position
where the largest results can be ac
complished with the amoothest and
least confusing effort, and to enable
promotions of the present employe*
of the bureau as higher position*
may become open."
Col. Walner spoke of the vitally
human necessity for the war risk
bureau carrying on with 100 per cent
efficiency. He said: "The fact should
always be uppermost that the soldier
sent to Prance had finished his work,
and It was now up to the bureau to
see that not only the dead but the
living and their dependents should
get what the government had prom
ised them when they sHileil for the
other ?id?."