Evening star. [volume], May 26, 1929, Page 7, Image 97

About Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972

Image provided by: Library of Congress, Washington, DC

                
Too Much
Romance Ruins
JYlamage,
Says Hergesheimer.
In an Interview With Lillian G. Glenn
Love Belongs to Youth, and fVhat a
Man Really IVants Out of Matri
mony Is Comfort and Flattery,
Declares the Novelist—“ Fifty Per
Cent of Marriage Is Bound to Be
Monotony! ”
OU who believe that marriage must be a
Y thing of romance, of love and of
glamour, or nothing at all, listen to the
words of Joseph Hergesheimer, the
famous novelist.
"Too much love and romance ruins mar
riage. In its finest flower It belongs to youth.
The middle-aged and the married should have
nothing to do with it. It is an enemy of peace
and reasonable, proper relationships.
"Marriage is an economic and social arrange
ment. It is the business of running a house,
having babies, taking charge of the cooking,
paying bills and having ,the companionship of
or.s whose interests are yours. Fifty per cent
es it must naturally be a monotonous affair.
We haven’t the ability to accept ordinary
life. We are always after excitement and
emotional stimulus. If marriage goes its hum
drum way, as it must, we think that there must
be something wrong with it Immediately we
aet up a frantic search for romance and love.
“There is a certain affection that develops
in matrimony that is in every way equal to
romantic love. Certainly it is much more com
fortable.
"When a man of 40 takes up with a ‘cutie,’
it is generally nothing more or less than a
momentary escape from the tedium of marriage.
"While the woman most use some seductive
ness if she Is to hold her husband, and he In
turn must do something more than provide her
with a roof over her head If he is to retain her
affection, yet the sooner they realise that mar
riage is more an arrangement of reason and
less of something in a pink quilt and ribbons,
the better off they will be.”
ALL this Mr. Hergesheimer discussed In his
sitting room at a New York hotel. The
writer is short and stocky, with a deep brown
• complexion, unruly hair and eyes that twinkle
mirthfully through shell-rimmed glasses. He
was smartly dressed in a tan tweed suit, orange
colered sweater and tie, and he looked more
like a brisk, matter-of-tect business man than
the author of romantic novels.
During the interview he paced up and down
the room talking rapidly and oftentimes amus
ingly, or sat in a comfortable armchair puffing
furiously on a cigar. He is a very friendly per
son, and when he grins, which he does fre
quently, he resembles a small boy off on a lark.
"Just as we get tired of doing the same old
things In life,” be told the interviewer, "so do
we become tired of seeing the same faces.
Naturally, the wife or the husband is no ex
ception. We can’t like a person every day in
our lives, nor can we agree with him all the
time. Human nature being what it is, it is
absurd to think that the marriage relationship
can be other than commonplace.
“When a tired and bored husband goes to
a dinner party and finds himself opposite a
charming woman, he’ll see in her all sorts of
attractive qualities. By the time he reaches
his dessert he’ll be thinking that she is a much
more entertaining companion than his wife. In
reality, though, she is not a bit more attractive
than his own wife, and were he to see her
morning after morning, burdened with the cares
of marriage, she wouldn’t seem any more al
luring. either. You know.” smiled the novelist,
"I believe we can only love people when we
don’t see them around all the time.
“However, men after their youth do not want
great love. Most of the time they want com
fort. A woman, too. may think that what she
wants is a romantic lover for a husband, but
the chances are that If she bad such a person
THE SUNDAY STAR, WASHINGTON. D. C.. MAY 26, 192 fr-PART 7.
around for any length of time she’d call him a
fool and leave him. Women are realists much
more than men, and any romantic Inclinations
that they have are realistic ones. A man,
when he’s in love, will be glad to sit on a fence
and look at his fair lady’s window, happy to
be able to breathe the same air. But a woman?
She'll never get moony. She has a sensible
head on her shoulders and shell never let her
romantic impulses run away with her.”
Ti/f R. HERGESHEIMER also felt that present
day civilization was not conducive to ro
mance. During the period prior to the Civil
War women were able to keep romance aglow
in their marriages because they devoted their
attention purely to graceful and feminine
things.
MORE REASON
THAN RIBBONS!
■
Marriage is more an arrangement of reason and
less of something in a pink quilt and ribbons; says
Mr. Hergesheimer.
There is a certain affection that develops in
matrimony that is in every way equal to romantic
love—and certainly it is much more comfortable.
Spiritual closeness, mental companionship and deep
loyalty come only after one has lived with a parson for
years.
If a husband is going to hold his wife , he must be
an amusing companion , an understanding friend and
a satisfactory lover.
IVe can only love people when we do not see them
around all the time.
JVhen a man of 40 takes up with a “cutie" it is
generally nothing more or less than a momentary escape
from the tedium of marriage.
There is no greater treat , after a day's work , than
to have one's wife greet him , becomingly gowned and
delightfully perfumed.
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Joseph Hergesheimer, the novelist, who, while, discounting the value of romance in modern'
marriage, believes that even a passable marriage is better than bachelorhood.
"An atmosphere of roipanticism pervaded the
country at that time. This was particularly
true of the Old South. Evenings then were
filled by a light elegance of conversation and
women showed their adroitness with French
turns of speech, with music and poetry. They
made a profession of being women, and charm
was considered their foremost and indispensable
attribute. Passionate loyalty and absorption in
the men they married were also characteristic
of those days. * •?
"Indeed, a woman then thought herself well
lost in the man she married. She made every
effort to submerge herself in her husband’s per
sonality. His necessity was hers. The world'
was, of course, a masculine one, founded on'
the assumption that men were superior In
strength and in mental equipment to women.
The superiority of Women lay in purity and,
fidelity, in beauty and all the domestic virtues.,
This was the universal ideal of happiness and!
marriage.
“But many changes have since come about.
Women no longer regard men as gods, nor &
marriage their one and ultimate goal. As a.
result, woman’s whole attitude toward men and
toward marriage is different. If a husband is
going to hold his wife, he must be an amusing:
companion, an intelligent and understanding'
friend and a satisfactory lover. Just to be able
to offer a wedding ring and support is not suf
ficient. Hot only have the men made no effort
to meet these changes in the modern woman,,
but they are losing their physical attractiveness,
as well.
“How has this happened? Very simply. In.
the past It was Important for men to be both,
symmetrical and strong. Those were the quali
ties necessary for survival and were the one*
that attracted and held woman. Today, though,.
It is money that has become of primary im
portance, and because of this men are forced
to lead sedentary lives. Just take the average
day of any man. How much exercise and air*
does he get? How much physical work does
he engage in? Whatever he does may be fine>
for his mind, but his body is being ruined.
Mental and not physical vigor is what is neces
sary now; the body has been sacrificed to the*
mind in men. Women, on the other hand, haver
never been more interested In physical perfect
tlon. What Is more, their minds are alert and
active. Naturally, they have raised the personal
standards of what they demand from men, and j
the men, In turn, are unable to meet these re- '
qulrements. Possibly what we need now lg d
new masculine race, or possibly men need neW
ideas about what constitutes s satisfactory bus**
band and companion.
we cannot compare the mar-*
'“ 4 rlages of today with what they were 50
years ago. There was not so much common
Use then. The small apartments have brought
about an Intimacy and a closeness that Is detri
mental and even fatal to the marital relation
ship. One must not only have the opportunity
for solitude and the expression of individuality,
but also be able to retain enough illusion for"
husband and wife to be attractive to each other.
This business of openly beautifying oneself, of
walking around with • clay mask or shaving
cream on one’s face, or with uncombed hair,
is all bad. Living so close together makes the
husband and wife calloused and coarsened to
ward each other, and before you know it they
are getting on each other’s nerves.
“Romance may be an illusory glamour, but,
still and all, a little of It is needed in mar
riage. The secret of this is some privacy for
each of the partners.”
It is interesting to note that a man whose
novels are fairly fired by romance, whose fiction
world is glittering, intriguing and alluring,-
should view the world of reality without •
touch of the roseate. When this was comment
ed upon, Mr. Hergesheimer confided that hH
stories were written as an escape from the
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