Evening star. [volume], October 11, 1931, Page 9, Image 81

About Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972

Image provided by: Library of Congress, Washington, DC

                
'At 18 the youth of a girts choice be
comes a fairy prince because he takes
her to parties, theaters and brings her
flowers. Rose-colored glasses turn all ■
her toorld into romance.
A Discussion by
ROSA POXSELLE.
WHAT type of man is woman's
ideal? Her fancy changes. At
18 or 20 the youth of a girl’s
choice becomes a fairy prince
because be takes her to parties,
to the theater, brings her
flowers and other gifts. She looks at the world
through rose-colorcd glasses which turn reality
*to romance. Happy, thoughtless, pleasure
loring. gay. she is a child beyond the age of
being treated as one. All argument against
her hero is met with such logic as:
Mother, mother, hold, your tongue;
• Toa had a beau when ycm were young.
Nobody can explain it. but debutantes and
others far from being in that class find the
tender passion kindled by the unusual way a
man does trivial things. She will love him
for the way he combs his hair; the heavenly
blue color of his eyes; the air of worldliness
with which he orders “lunch for two." A great
woman once told me that in her day she had
been fleetingly in love with at least 400 men,
and each attraction sprang from just such
small things as these.
Par that matter, a little flapper will adore
a youth for his profuse offerings of Ice-cream
soda. or. again, thirsting for the education
which she has not, will worship for some big
word he uses and which, to her mind, makes
him the intellectual equal of the President.
Perhaps all this is what poets call "being in
love with love."
“*At a house party I attended the son of the
family was a handsome boy of 16, still in
knickerbockers. A girl, aged 14. arrived on the
scene. She had blossomed into a state of
■ophistication to which he was a stranger.
A girl of 14 to in that line the peer of a boy of
20. Promptly she fell head over heels in love
with him. Why? She told me herself when
she exclaimed: “What a boy to take to parties
In ‘longies! How jealous all the other girls
would be!"
IP at 25, for instance, a girl sees in a man the
game adventurous spirit, that she has herself
she will marry him and be content to live in
one room and struggle on to help him in at
taining the greet things of which she feels him
capable. But at 30 a woman's ideal Is quite
changed. She wants, instead of a man who
will eventually get there, one who has "arrived."
If she has been to college and later entered
a profession or business with some success the
situation fits her to demand it.
At 30 a woman has certainly learned life.
The fairy prince and fluff of parties and the
iiv> will not mean complete happiness to her.
She brings to the ideal of her choice a man of
position and resources, the outcome of her ex
perience and broadened views that make the
exchange a fair one. She can be to him as
helpful in sustaining his career as to the girl
Os 25 to her struggling hero.
THERE are three distinct types of the woman
I of 30. And before considering them we
must remember that today a woman of 30 Is
not looked on as the woman of 25 was even a
decade ago. She is neither old nor a hopeless
spinster, sitting against the wall at dances, if
she is allowed to go at all. Gaining an educa
tion may have engaged her to beyond the age
Os 20, following this she has done worthwhile
things herself.
Her ideal will be the man who supposedly
has attained what she herself has done in
gome degree. He must be genuinely successful
—not only for the money he commands, but
f i«r» to help her out of her own disappointment
if she has fallen short of exactly what she
hoped to be. If on the other hand her success
has been brilliant the man of her Ideal must
be more successful than she has been. There
are few women who do not want to look up to
jfche man they marry.
The second type of woman of 30 has usually
remained unmarried because of her ambition.
A day comes when loneliness is depressing.
Ambition and achievement do not satisfy her.
She is still romantic, longs for a home and
companionship and finds her ideal in a middle
aged man considerably older than herself, to
whom life has brought a point of view identical
with hers.
A third type at 30 has never really quite
made up her mind as to what her ideal is. At
any rate, she has built on false foundations.
She is both pretty and charming. Her admirers
have been plenty. To her the supply of them
seems limitless. It has been too difficult for
her to come down to earth and make a choice.
One day she finds a suspicion of wrinkles or
TTIF. SUNDAY STAR. WASHINGTON, D. C, OCTOBER 11, 1931.
What Type of Man
Is Woman's Ideal f
If Her Success in Life Has Been Brilliant,
Says the Famed Diva, He Must Be More
Successful Than She, for Every Woman
Wants toLooh Up to the Man She Marries.
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ROSA PONSELLE.
maybe a gray hair or two. The procession of
men adoring her has walked off to other idols.
Then she goes to the opposite extreme and
decides that any man win do.
A woman fair, fat and 40 has an ambition
for all the good things of life which money
brings. A strong, firm friendship means more
to her than romance, which by that time is
pretty weU outlived. That is, if she is still a
spinster. But, strange to say, in widows —even
though several times bereft—romance appears
perennial. The spinster of 40 is young enough
to enjoy to the fun life’s gayeties. and at that
age prises more than ever the protection of a
home and luxuries. In brief, she wants an
assured future. There must be something in it
for her or marriage will make limited appeal.
Early marriages are not by any means as
general now as they once were. In summing up
her change of fancy at 20, 30 and fair, fat and
40, there is big gain in wisdom by this watch
ful waiting. At 20, when the world seems a
flower garden and every day sunshiny some boy
captivates her heart. If she fails to marry him
at that blissful moment when her whole
existence centers in his perfection and at 30
is still single she wonders what on earth she
ever saw in him; aged 40, her ideal of 30 will
just as surely go into the discard.
There are two exceptions to whom finding of
the ideal is supremely difficult; the woman who
surpasses most men in her business ability and
the distinguished middle-aged man, especially
in politics.
AS far as men go, the unsuccessful ones are
generally attracted most strongly to women
who have done big things. One such said to
me: “I don’t know why, but all the men who
fall in love with me are on the way to the
poorhouse.” She told the truth. They had
those qualities which go to make a good
Tmffhnnrf all except that practically important
one of ability to support a wife.
Did she marry one of them? She did not.
But she fell in love with them. Experience
and financial independence suggested the un
wisdom of marriage. Her ideal, the highly
successful man, fought shy of her because he
feared mating with a possible superior.
The distinguished man in public life needs a
superwoman of great social gifts and keen
intellectuality to help him on his way. None,
perhaps, knows this more fully than the risen
politician who married an amiable but obtuse
creature before he began to rise. If he waits
long enough to find his ideal, however, search
is far easier and less hopeless than that of the
woman who surpasses in success most men.
There arc many things that go to influence
the making of women's ideals. Times have
changed completely and will go on changing.
What they will lead to is now undreamed of.
As conditions exist, four factors are responsible:
The emancipation of women through the World
War, higher education, the Tight to vote, the
entry of women into nearly every calling and
profession with astounding success in them.
No longer is she obliged to marry early and
get a husband to support her. Even the little
flapper earns as much as her "boy friend. ’ No
more is she called upon to choose between being
supported in her own home or tolerated in
another as dependent spinster. She has be
come as much a free agent rs man has been
throughout the ages. With her, marriage and
spinsterhood become largely self-elected states.
BUT in such cases what about the man and
his lack of being freely chosen as ideal?
She played her part after marriage more or less
successfully, just as royalty played and still
plays it in marriages that are "arranged" for
state reasons or to bind a treaty between
.... ,i i ns ■ "
At 25 she sees in a man the same advetu
turous spirit she has in herself and is
willing to marry and live with him con*
tent in one room, struggling to help him
attain the great things of which the
feels him capable.
nations more securely. That same type of
marriage was often duplicated through neces
sity in many an instance by those not remotely
royal.
The contracting royal prince and princess
were at a distinct advantage. They took the
i situation at Us face value; there were no
illusions on either side. To get along together
became the main thing. There was no
hypocrisy about it. Not so in less exalted
circles. The man took it for granted that the
woman loved him as much as he loved her.
She played her part generally quite success
fully. Later her consolation lay in her chil
dren. their happiness and their advancement,
often to the husband’s cost because he was the
last person considered.
Today, marrying her ideal, sham goes Into
the discard. They become partners in the best
sense, working together for their children’s ad
vancement. But 'the husband is her first
thought, just as she is his. In consequence, a
big share of that selfishness which had such
logical foundation Is r.o longer laid at woman's
door, for when she marries her ideal there is
no need for it.
The higher education of women has proved
a boon in married life. It goes a long way
toward removing that vague explanation of
marital troubles, “they don't get along to
gether”; in the divorce court they call it
•‘incompatibility.’’ Two persons not intellectual
equals are very likely to be Incompatible be
cause they cannot understand each other’s
point of view.
In the day when women lived in a restricted
world in which man in general was on his good
behavior she was driven, more or less, through
Ignorance of what he really was to accept him
at face value. As long as a man appeared to hi
nice that settled it. But when a woman goes
out in life to earn her way she has ample op
portunity to see man when he is not “nice.**
Par be it from me to disparage men. for I
adore them. Neither sex is exclusively pos
sessed of all the virtues; neither is more perfect
than the other. The woman brought into daily
contact with men finds out that very thing to
her own advantage. If she is in some degree
disillusioned by discovering that he is merely
human she is likely, also, to find out the flpoe
Continued on Thirteenth Pope
At 30 woman wants a man who has “ar
rived,” a man of position and resources.
She brings to him the outcome of her
world experiences and broadened
views.
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