Evening star. [volume], June 30, 1940, Page 7, Image 83

About Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972

Image provided by: Library of Congress, Washington, DC

                
Kaufmann-Fabry
Don’t arrive bag and baggage if you weren’t asked
The reopening of the New York
and San Francisco Fairs also re
opens the problem of the hostess
whose situation is indicated by the
following dialogue:
Mother: "We missed both fairs
last year. 1 do wish we could take the
children to one of them this year!"
Chorus from the children: "Hurrah,
hurrah! When do we start?”
Mother: “Oh, darlings, not so fast!
It costs a lot of money to stay in a
big city.” ,
Aunt Poliana: “It needn't. We can
all go and stay with Mary and John.”
Mother: “They haven’t invited us!”
Aunt Poliana: "They’d be glad to
have us.”
Mother: “I'd love to see dear Mary
again — but I don't like the idea of
asking for an invitation.”
Aunt Poliana: "Why, they wouldn’t
want us to ask I Just the two of them
rattling around in that big house. Just
think how glad Mary’ll be to see the
children.”
This conversation is, of course,
imaginary, but it is put together from
letters written in behalf of families
whose homes, happening to be within
convenient distance of one fair or the
other, were invaded last year by self
invited guests and are in line lor an
other invasion this year. Relatives
and friends, sometimes not heard from
for years, suddenly arrive in the tran
Be Sure You're Invited
It's neither courteous nor right to impose
upon friends who live near the Fairs
Author of "Etiquette: The Blue Book of Social Usage/1
"The Personality of a House,” Etc.
•quil belief that their surprise visit
could not be other than welcome.
Often it is—but sometimes the ex
perience of those who receive surprise
guests is distressing.
Many letters come from people
who obviously have little money for
extras and who live in small apart
ments or houses which have no spare
rooms. Their situation needs no ex
planation. But the embarrassment to
those who are apparently well-to-do
has, so far as 1 know, never been dis
cussed. And so for this article I air.
especially choosing the problem pre
sented in the following letter:
"We found out last year that hav
ing a house within easy distance of the
fair was a very trying experience. Be
fore the summer was over, we had had
thirty-seven guests (including babies)
and the majority were self-invited.
Among these, many were delightful
It gave us the greatest amount of
pleasure to have them stay with us.
No Consideration
11 j
If ai.l visitors were as considerate
as these, I would not be writing this
letter. But the facts were that a
number of those who swooped down
upon us, I'm sorry to say, showed no
consideration whatsoever. Our situa
tion is hard to explain, but the fact
that we were still living in our niuch
too-big house was taken to mean that
our hospitality need have no limits.
The t ruth is that seven years of effort
to sell the place has brought not a
single offer — even to take it at the
price of the mortgage. Our maids,
who have been with us for nearly
twenty years, shall never be parted
with, so long as we can keep them.
“You, dear Mrs. Post, know the
story well. It is that of many of us
Yesterdays'. However, our visitors
only saw a very big and, to all appear
ance, perfectly run house. They prob
ably never dreamed that additional
market bills could have been worrying.
How to be forearmed against a repe
tition of these experiences is what I
want you to tell me!”
In answer to this, it is true that
visitors who have always taken care
of their own homes can easily under
stand the discomfort, embarrassment
or distress that self-invited guests can
inflict upon the Littleflats. But that
the. ( j r eat houses can be equally dis
comfited by relatives or friends, who
take advantage of their hospitality,
is something that the unthoughtful
seldom stop to note.
N'or do they seem to realize that
domestic employees have exactly the
same rights as any other employees.
They are supposed to work a reason
ably definite number of hours, in
which they complete a definite rou
tine of work. To be sure, this has
transient increases and decreases but
it should keep an average line. Plainly
then, to put a double amount of work
upon them, either often or for undue
lengths of time, is an unfair thing,
which can not be other than disturb
ing to a conscientious employer.
Another point: Every visitor who
„tays with Mrs. Ownwork feels im
pelled to help her. at least to some
degree. But the Ownworks. going to
stay with the Greathouses, all too
often take it for granted that a butler
and a parlor maid, for example, have
nothing to do but wait on them.
But to return to those who are
making plans to go to the West coast
or the East. There are certain points
of courtesy which should be brought
to their attention. It may, ol course,
be quite all right to stop one night at
Cousin Clara's, and another at Aunt
Sue's, and it may completely delight
• dear Mary” and John to have five
long-mislaid relatives surprise them.
But among the primary rules of cour
tesy. are those that follow.
Here Are the Rules
Ne\ 'ER make yourself at home in
any house, it its owners have at no
time urged you to do so. lne only
place in the world where one can freely
go without an invitation is home — to
one’s parents! Home always remains
’’home”! On the other hand, not even
parents themselves should go and
stay in the house of a child, without
asking beforehand if it will be con
venient to have them at that time.
Once upon a time many families
living in the country kept open house,
and intimate friends were invited to
come as often and for as long as they
liked. But of late years, the rules of
hospitality have had to conform to
crowded lives and smaller houses, lim
ited leisure, flattened pocketbooks.
For many years it has been a fixed
rule of proper behavior, that a host
and hostess must invite the guests,
and must tell them exactly how long
they are expected to stay.
On the other hand, in answer to
the letter from the owner of the very
big house, unhappily there is none!
Her only hope is that relatives and
friends may wake up to the restric
tions imposed by common custom
and courtesy.
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