Evening star. [volume], February 01, 1942, Page 20, Image 91

About Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972

Image provided by: Library of Congress, Washington, DC

                
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Take Time To Be
His Pal
To have his confidence
in later years, win if
when he's still a baby
by Douglas A. Thom. D.
Director el the Habit Clinic foe
Child Guidance, gotten, Main.
IT is one of the unhappy observa
tions that children rareiy express
a desire to be like their parents.
And adolescents — even grownups —
often complain about the attitude
their parents had when they were chil
dren, and voice frequent criticisms of
their early home life. Lack of under
standing stands out as the most im
portant criticism. These backward
glances are not usually associated with
bitterness or resentment. More often,
it is with a feeling of tenderness that
these grown-up children express re
gret because their parents just did
not know how to enjoy what they, as
children, could have offered.
One boy says: "l)nd just swelled up
with pride over his family, and the
fact they belonged to him. but he
never had time to get acquainted."
A girl in early adult life says: “Mother
always acted as though it were danger
ous or undignified to get too intimate
with me. Seemed to be afraid 1 would
take advantage of any tamiliarity.”
A nineteen-year-old boy states: "Fa
ther used to get embarrassed if any
thing about sex was mentioned and
acted as though it was not a decent
topic to talk about.”
Youth Won't Be Waiting
The time to begin getting acquaint
ed with children is when they are
very young. During these early years
children just naturally turn to parents
for care, protection, consolation, and
advice. The pre-school years offer
opportunities that will never come
again for building up a happy, healthy
parent-childhood relationship. How
often do we hear a busy father remark:
“When the boy grows up or when he
gets a little older so that he can do
things with me. we will get together
and have some real comradeship, some
good times." With an unshaken con
viction that he can just slip in at any
time and find youth waiting to accept
him, he lets the years slip by.
Then later, when Father is ready
and in the mood for this comradeship,
he is frequently hurt and disappointed
that his boy is not receptive, that the
relationship is strained, that shyness
and diffidence offer a resistance to the
efforts of both father and son. The
parent now wants and hopes for the
very comradeship which the child has
been deprived of ever experiencing.
The foundation of what this father
would some day want and what the
child always needed should have been
laid during the early years. Sympathy,
tolerance, affection, understanding
are the product, not necessarily of
constant association, but of genuine
interest that can always be tapped by
a child in time of need. The important
ingredients of the child's |iart in this
particular relationship are quite dif
ferent from respect, obedience, good
manners, and submitting to authority.
Sense of Security Vital
Respect and obedience, of course,
are fundamentally important both
now and later. But a sense of security
in the petsonal relationships, is also
important. This is, in cold fact, the
very basis for confidence, self-esteem,
and courage in later life. These assets
come from a feeling in childhood of
Ix'ing wanted, of being understood.
The experiences he has in his early
family relationships set the pattern
for a child's later hie. If his simple,
immature activity in everyday life
appears to be of interest and concern
to grownups, a child gets a feeling of
being an important member of the
family group. On the other hand, if
his sand pile, his snow man, his make
believe boat or car never get an audi
ence; or the recifal of some thrilling
experience, either real or imagined,
never gets a hearing, he feels out of it.
A child gets satisfaction in sharing
these pleasures with his parents.
When they take an interest, he feels
he is understood. In time of need
he — like all of us — will naturally
turn to those who are sure to give
a sympathetic hearing Parents who
have been busy, too dignified, too
preoccupied, or too intolerant to pay
heed to the child’s early interests and
problems will rarely be called in for
advice and guidance when important
problems arise during adolescent
years. They will have to pick up the
pieces and pay the bill, so to speak,
but they will be able to contribute
little of a constructive nature.
T he roots of confidence, understand- •
mg, and sympathy go deeper — and
last longer -— than mere obedience
and respect. They need more care and
consideration, if they are to develop
and feed a relationship between par
ent and child which will permit of
joy in companionship as well as pride
in ownership.