Evening star. [volume], September 08, 1946, Page 26, Image 103

About Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972

Image provided by: Library of Congress, Washington, DC

                
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The boxes they come
in and overflowed
the whole House ...
Operation Clipper
BY EUSTACE COCKRELL
Illustrated by Betts
Ex-Corporal Grover was
now a barber — and had
woes. Get your pencil
ready, General Bradley!
A Short Short Story
Centerville. Mo.
August 26th, 1946
Gen. Omar Bradley,
Veterans Administration,
Washington, D. C.
Dear Gen: —
You and I was once Comrades
in Arms when you was command
ing the 12 army group and I was
barbering in same capacity of cor
poral, and I would have been glad
to cut your head if 1 had had the
chance. I had just graduated from
Barber College at the time I was
drafted, and if you think that this
inf. is peculiar you will later see
that it is not.
Upon my discharge (hon.), 1 re
turned to my home town and man
aged to acquire the rent of a two
chair barber shop, it’s owner having
gone to meet St. Peter during my
absence in the Armed Forces. It was
in good running condition, except
for the Clippers, and I rented it' as
was. I then made a effort to pro
cure some Electric Clippers. There
was none to be had at Any Price.
WELL, if I do say it myself, I did
Not Fight This War with the idea
of never returning to my trade, and
being a Drain On The Taxpayer.
But cutting hair with old wore-out
hand clippers is like Sherman said,
h - II (Ha Ha).
I did not feel the Govt. Owed
Me A Living, but I heard of you
being given the job of Vet. Adm.,
and that you had fixed it for us to
get priorities; and I knew the Army
was well fixed for Clippers, both
hand and Electric.
So, Gen., I bought a money order
for $23.00 at the local Post Office
and mailed it with my order to
Wash. D. C. And you may think
this is funny but I got to tell you
now about My Wife.
My Wife’s name is Maude, and
she kept The Home Fires Burning
in our little home here all through
the war; but it is a very small Home
except for the Mortgage, and when
I took the money order and sent it
off to Wash. D. C., she was fit to be
tied, our income being nil at the
time and us expecting a Little One
shortly after my arrival home
Now you may not see what all
this has got to do with the Clippers,
but you will. About my letter to
Wash. D. C. — nothing happened. I
wrote them but nothing happened.
So being in a bad way for Clip
pers, 1 did a thing I wouldn’t of
done if it hadn’t been for Expecting
The Little One and the nil income.
I bought a rebuilt set of Electric
Clippers in the Black Market. At
least I paid twice list price in a old
catalogue I found. For the next nine
I got the rent
of a barber shop
mos. I was very happy. The barber
ing business was very good, and I
was shaving guys every other day
that Before The War didn’t get
their haircut 4 times a year.
The Little One arrived and was
A Boy. I enclose his picture, taken
by Centerville’s Leading Portrait
Photographer at thf? age of 1 mo.
I have named him Omar, and sure
hope he grows up to be the man his
namesake is.
Now do not think this is the old
oil — my letting you look at Omar’s
picture and my naming him for you,
because it isn’t. It all has to be put
in to explain what later happened.
What later happened was this: The
Clippers come! And when I say the
Clippers come, I am being as tame
as a Communique.
‘ Nine mos. after I ordered them
Clippers, they come. They come on
the Mo. Pac. Freight Prepaid. They
was 12 Dozen Gross of them, which
if you got your pencil handy you
will be able to figure to 20736 Prs.
Now hold on, Gen. They was not
hair Clippers, not no Human Hair
Clippers. The boxes they come in
overflowed the Shop, overflowed our
little House, and like to Squeeze My
Wife and Little One right out into
Elm Street. And, Gen., you know
what this Housing Situation is.
I took one out of its box and
showed it to Mr. Hardison, Center
ville’s leading dealer in General
Hardware, Stove and Farm Mach.
When he can get it.
Mr. Hardison is an Old Man,
which was lucky, for he was able to
identify these peculiar looking shears
as the kind that was used to roach
the manes of artillery mules in the
Spanish-American War, which if it
was before your time like mine, was
fought for a short time in ’98.
Now I was in a pickle, Gen., and
no mistake. My Wife was angry,
and ordered 1 write you At Once.
But a funny thing happened. Mr.
Hardison said that these Clippers
favored very strong the kind the
city people used to clip around the
edges of their Lawns, and that he
thought he could dispose of them
for me At A Profit.
Well, Gen., to make a long story
short, he done it. He sold them to a
Dept. Store in K. C., at $1.22 per.
Now if you still got your pencil
handy, you’ll see I made a profit,
after giving Mr. Hardison ten %,
of $22744.03 (I kept one pr. to re
mind me of This Occasion or it
would be $22745.13). What 1 want
to know, Gen. Bradley, is this: Do I
have to pay Net Income Tax on
this $22744.03, or does it come
under Capital Gains?
Yours Resp.
Ex Corporal Earl Grover
Leading Barber and
Tonsorial Artist
Centerville, Mo.
Lmi wnriai
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DIP OINTMENT
Next Week
Lyle Spencer gives the new
outlook for veterans — after
one year of civilian life. He
takes up all the vets’ chief
problems, from job-getting
to finding a home, and pre
sents the facts as they stand
today and what hope they
may have for the future.
Every vet. or vet’s family
should read this.
TW 9-8-44