The Adopted Child Grows to Adolescence
By Kitte Turmell
Marjorie knew that she was ar
adopted girl. Her parents taugh
her from infancy to be glad, no
sad, that she was picked out, mucl
wanted. She grew up acceptinf
this as a basic fact, as much i
part of her as her blue eyes, so i
was no teen problem.
Bill knew that he was adopted
’ too. As a child he thought noth'
ing of it, but in teens, while study
ing heredity and psychology, hi
began wondering about his back
ground. Bothered by notion
which he did not feel free to dls
cuss with his parents or any on
else, he became mixed-up, moody
often misunderstood by friend:
and family.
' Then he met Marjorie, on i
blind date. The subject of adop
tion “happened” to come up. Hi
liked her casual mention of thi
fact that she was adopted. Oi
later dates he confided his "prob
lems.” She advised him to tall
it all out, with the two who knev
the most about his true history
his parents. That he did. Hi:
parents welcomed the chance U
answer his questions and reassuri
him that he need never worn
about his background.
‘‘All fhflt. vfifi im vpn
carefully, by professional socia
workers and medical reports, a:
It is with most adoptions now
before the judge would have al
lowed us to adopt you,” Bill’s dac
assured. “You can be confident
that you and your heredity have
been given an ‘all clear.’ We’re
glad to tell you whatever we know
and remember. Naturally, we
didn’t ask or care about unim
portant details, like the length oi
your great-grandmother’s eye
brows, would you, son?”
"Nope," grinned Bill. Then he
\ hesitated. “But sometimes I dc
wonder IF there were any not-so
good social traits, like wanting tc
drop out of school or pick fights
that Could be inherited by me.”
“You can stop worrying aboul
that Bill,” his mother said. “II
Is generally agreed that socia!
traits such as habit and person
ality, are not inherited. In fact
our actions as you grew up woulc
be your social history, really
Your background was good, so
cially too, but even if there hadn’1
been much education or money ir
your background, THAT could nol
The arrival of an adopted baby is cause for congratulations, but don't make the social
mistake of asking overly personal questions about the baby's background. J• H- Bond Phot°
limit your own social development.
There is nothing in the past to
limit what you can make of your
future!"
So went the family session that
convinced Bill, all over again, that
his parents had cause to be proud
and happy to adopt him as their
own, for life.
If worry or curiosity about the
adopted facts of life concern you
or your friends or dates, it is im
portant to know how to deal with
this smoothly, intelligently. Even
if there is no adoption in your
family, you want to'be at ease if
others happen to mention their
adoptions. Fashions have changed
about the psychology and eti
quette of adoption. Once many
shunned even the word, as an
embarrassing secret. Now some
foster parents mail out formal an
nouncements of adoption, a cor
rect but optional custom
Today’s way is to be outspoken,
casual, without too much to-do
about the fact that any one hap
pens to come into a family by
selection, not birth. There are
still many who feel that this is a
personal topic, not to be explored
in social chatter. It is courteous
to respect any preference for a
“no mention” policy. How much
any adoption should be discussed
must be decided individually.
If and when the subject does
pop up socially, you treat it easily,
naturally, without show of strain
or emotion. That’s in tone with
the “So I’m adopted, sure, so
what?” policy recommended by
adoption agencies.
The freedom with which some
families do mention adoption does
not authorize an outsider to gc
out of bounds with personal ques
tions. It is never good taste to ask
or hint that you are curious about
the particular parentage, back
ground, race or nationality of any
adopted person. Whatever is told
in confidence should not be ban
died over the gossip grapevine.
The adopted person tells as much
or as little about his or her history
as suits him or her and has the
social right to side-step any pry
questions.
“If any one asks anything you
do not know or choose to tell, give
’em the light, polite brush-off,”
Marjorie advised Bill. "Just say
that your parents and you are
completely satisfied with your his
tory. That’s why they chose you
to be theirs truly.”
College Student ,
To Wed Officer
Mr. and Mrs. Pemberton Lewis
Killeen of Arlington, formerly of
Barrington, R. I., announce the
engagement of their daughter,
Edith Priscilla, to Mr. Samuel
John Finlay, son of Mr. and
Mrs. Raymond H. Finlay of Port
Washington, Long Island. The
wedding is planned for June.
The bride-elect attended Mary
Washington College and is now
a junior at New Jersey College
fOr Women. Mr. Finlay was grad
uated from Oovemor Dummer
Academy and Rutgers University
where he was a member of the
Chi Psl fraternity. He is now
a second lieutenant on active duty
with the United States Air Force.
Engagement
Mr. and Mrs. Rush R. Jemison
of Takoma Park announce the en
gagement of their daughter
Janice to Mr. Carl Phillip
Doenges, jr., son of Mr. and Mrs.
Doenges of Baltimore. The cere
mony will take place June 30 at
Woodside Methodist Church in
Silver Spring.
r Ru?
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