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Newspaper Page Text
". HOW TO COOL OFF ON A HOT DAY:
Maybe this snake story will cool you off a bit. Anyhow it is
a true snake story and, the snake stories you usually get are not true.
Jack Monroe is a drummer. We guess that he is not a Chicago
drummer, because the snake is still alive. Anyhow, Jack arrived
at Stockton, Cal., the other day and discovered in some way that
p- it was Sunday, and so he knew that the stores were closed. 1 o kin
h- time he took a traction car into the suburbs and disembarking: in
the beautiful evening, sat down under a fig tree and began eating
the luscious ripe figs. Soon he dropped into slumberland.
Readers will find it well to pause here and picture in their
minds a fat drummer full of figs slumbering under a tree.
Now Jack had done some slumbering in daytime, but ripe figs
were new to him and so pretty soon he opened his eyes. There,
coiled just over Jack's cargo of figs, ripe figs, m,ind you, was an
immense rattlesnake. Any sized rattler would have answered, but
this one was comprised of nine sets of coils and 149 rattle buttons,
according to Jack, and consequently far surpassed the kind which
Chicagoans are familiar with.
Great drops of ice cold sweat rolled off Jack's brow and turned
to hailstones on the ground and a Lake Erie blizzard coursed
down his spinal" region. While his feet took on the cold, clammy
.temperature 'of a corpse, his breath exhaled in frosty vapors; his
very hide felt like, a wet "blanket and every nerve was frozen with
terror; his hair stood up .like brittle, icicles. One always-gets these
high arctic effects when one is full of ripcfigs with a rattlesnake
sitting on them ready to puncture one. But to resume:
For several minutes, according to Jack, he laid there motion
less, while the snake, swayed its head frqm side to side looking for
a punctnrable place in a drummer. Finally he (Jack) could endure
it no longer. He swatted and was stung in the right hand. The
snake calmly crawled off into the brush and Jack got to the emerg
ency hospital at Stockton just in time to save his life.
It's something like 100 in the shade "at Stockton in moderate
weather, but Jack is able to get up a shiver at any time by conjuring
up a mental picture of that serpent brooding over his figs.
Suitor Why do you object to t
my marrying your daughter?
Father Because you cannot sup
port her in the style she has been
accustomed to all her life. Suitor
How do you know I can't? I
can start her on bread and milk,
as you did !
Boston is roaring for Dr. Wiley
for health officer. Bet a loaf of
brown bread that somebody has
been tampering with her beans.
Furniture should be polished
occasionally with a rag wet with