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Newspaper Page Text
-J. "! i
JOHN HAS SOME STOMACH
John Martineck, 515 Bunker
street, is real peeved today, be
cause he-has been cut off from his
favorite food, same consisting of
t jack knives, screws, nails-and sil
John was afflicted with a se
yere tummy-ache yesterday, and
was taken to the county hospital.
"Hoohroor!" said the surgeons
there, and immediately chloro
formed John, and began hacking
away to get at his appendix, sep
arating a man from his appendix
being one of the favorite amuse
ments of our surgeons.
When the surgeons had John
nicely opened p and his insides
cluttering up the scenery; they
s gasped. Then they took'from his
19 jack knives, 1 silver dollar,
30 screws and 15 nails.-
When John came to again, he
was exceedingly peeved.
'"Who in hades told you to
operate on me and. take away all
my nourishment?" he demanded.
"But you don't call these nour
ishment?" asked the surgeon,
pointing to the hardware store.
"The h 1 1 don't,' said John.
"I guess it's my stomach Fve got
to feed, and I guess Lknow what
my stomach needs. You just go
and put all them things back
where-you got themJ'
"Can't be done," said the sur
geon. "You're all sewed up
"Then if you want to know
what I think of you," said John,
and proceeded to tell-the surgeon
ius what he- did-think ofrhimuj
The surgeon, being a family man,
went into thenext room.
John explained it today.
"Whenever I drink," he said
"I get hungry for something
hard. .Not something Jiard like
stale bread, but like jack knives,
and dollars and screws. My stom- '
ach craves these things, and now;
surgeon has gone and talken all
"And I'm hungry, and 'the sur
geons won't give me anything
good and hard to eat. Ill eat.
their surgical knives if they don't'
give me a few nails. That's
John was silent for a few mo
ments while the reporter exam-
fined the hardware store with in
tense interest I
"And what's more," he burst,
out savagely, "when I get out of
here I'll sue them, that's what I'll,
do. I'll sue 'em for separatin' me'
from my food an' ruinin' my'
There is nothing the matteii"
with John today except weakness'
and an exceeding great hunger
for hardware. He'll recover.
"You say you are in love wfcH
"I'm sure lam."
"But I can't see anything at
tractive about her."
"Neither can I see it; but it's in "
the bank, all right'
During the last few years the
price of raw produce of farirts in
the United States has risen b)r 36
per cenj -
I Til m MMMM