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Newspaper Page Text
rr'-i-i iff V -' f r!"-- y,i
And Chief- McWeeny might
"I did not -say Lieut Burns was
a prize boob before I knew any
thing about the bank robber case
because I wanted to say any
thing like that
"I was sitting alone in my of
fice that-day when a crowd of Ex
aminer and 'American reporters
came in and hypnotized meThey
told me President Yuan of China
was interested in "getting"
Burns, and that Yuan would
make me a mandarin if I helped
out It has been the ambition of
my life to be a mandarin."
J And of course Municipal Judge
Robinson might say:
"I did not accept annual passes
from the Illinois Central and San
ta Fe railroads because I wanted
1 . "I was- sitting in my chambers
.one day when five corporation
lawyers walked in through the
window and hypnotized me. They
told me that if I took the passes,
the Begum of Nepal would send
me a pair of silk pajamas done in
the royal colors.1'
. And Jacob Fay Guthrie, the so
ciety burglar, might say:
"I did not commit those bur
glaries because I warited to steal.
Four men kidnaped me on an At
lantic liner and hypnotized me.
They told me that if I committed
the burglaries, the first assistant
knight of King George's bed
chamber would get me a-job as
court jester." - -
- Chicagoans wouldn't be " the"
only ones either. Anyone can
imagine Will Randolluf Hoist
spilling over something like this?
"I am not supporting Wilson
by boosting Roosevelt because I
"Boss Murphy of Tammany
hall kidnaped me in a canoe, and
hypnotized me. He told me that
if I said I was supporting Wilson,
and boosted Roosevelt, William
Jennings Bryan cofses on his
name ! would not put the kibosh
on me at the next Democratic
W. Howard Taft might say: -
"I did not steal the Republican
nomination because I wanted four
more years of vetoing- billsVantr
ed by the people.
"Elihu Root kidnaped me in a
baby carriage, and hypnotized
me. He told me if J stole the
nomination,, my game' of golf
would improve and all the golf
fans in the country would get to
gether and re-elect me."
Howard Edward's idea ought
to be worth taking up.
QUITE AN IDEA
Berlin, Sept. 25. Dr. Nagel-
schmeidt has invented an electric
device which you apply to the
base of the brain, touch the but-
ton, and, Lo! you fall asleep.
When you want to wake up you
just turn off tfie current
That sounds like the old story
about .the Doy who wanted to
wake up ..early the morning, so
tied a rope to his toe and hung it
out the window. The next morn
ing, early, he ran downstairs,
went outside and pulled the rone
until he woke up.
i niiain MayuteMMM