Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1963 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
PUT INTO PRACTICE
Poor Pattison went into a
chemist's shop for some plaster
for his head
"I've always tried tQ bring up
my children to think before they
speak," he said with a sigh, "but I
am convinced it is a wrong prin
ciple" "Surely not, sir?" answered the
"Yes, sir," Pattison replied. "I
told my children always to count
ten befdre they say anything.
This morning I went out for a
walk with my eldest son. We
were walking near some partially
built houses, when Tom called
"Now, steady, my boy," I said,
seeing he was excited. "Count
"Did he obey you?"
"Yes, worse luck, he did! But
before he got to five, the brick he
had seen fallings hit me on the
Head. Thank you! How much?"
A NEW BRAND
Conceited young subaltern
(who had been called to investi
gate into a complaint made in 3
barrack-room) Aw, what's this
A private pointed down to a can
containing a liquid substance.
"It's this, sir," he said.
The private poured outa small
quantity in a mug, and the officer,
after partaking of some, said:
"My man, it's excellent soup."
"That's just it," replied Tom
my Atkins. "But the cook wants
us to believe It's tea."
(SO BY A DeHTISTS 3 h f I
VUND HAP WM J Xl ill
A GRAND INVENTION no
Pat could not awake in tHV
morning in time enough to get fa
his work, so he invented an alarm- I
clock to awake him. When he
saw his friend Mike he showed it
to him. t
"WJ 'oil irmt- An itp tliintr rf tfs
v.i, ui. vvr j w.twiv Vi 4.14
"Ah think it's a good tiling
but how does it work ? said Mik!
"Shure, now," replied Pi
"you just press the button a:
Mrs. Willing Your husband' J
dresses rather quietly, doesn t ne'
Mrs. Pry You wouldn't think
so if you could-hear him when Ifl!
can t find hjs collar button.