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Newspaper Page Text
I wwwwwp "Mistah Poindex'tah, hab you any musical experience?" - "Ah surely hab, Mistah Scah borough. Ah used to water de ferns in a conservatory ob music. Say, do yo' cnow, de odder day Ah planted shoe buttons in mah yard and raised a boot tree?" "Dat's nuffin. Last week Ah planted mah foot in a man's or chard an' a bulldog came up." "You don't get enough exer cise. Why don't you try shadow boxing. I do it." "Dat must be a brutal sport. Does yo' ever score a knock down ? Eyah-eyah-eyah !" " 'Deed Ah does Ah've often made mah shadow fall across de floor. By de way, Ah'm goin' on a little trip." "Dat so? Where can Ah mail yo' a letter?" "At de postoffice. Say, Ah know a young lady who'd be glad to git a job at the hands ob de new president." "Who am she?" "She am a manicure. Did Ah tell yo' mah brudder am already got a job promised to him by a congressman ?" "Lucky fellow. Am de job in, de diplomatic service?" "No-de congressman am goin' to let him clean de snow off hjs sidewalk. Say, did yo' vote foe Woodrow Wilson?" "Me? No, Ah voted foh Taft not so much competition." "The band will now play a pa triotic medley beginning with 'Willie's Pants Need Castiron Patches," and ending with 'I've a Kick in the Eye for You, Love.' " o o An Irishman, landing in an En glish port, happened to jostle a dandy Frenchman. The French man, considering himself insult ed, presented his card to the Irish man, saying: "I am at your service-, sir." The astonished Irish man replied : "In ihat case you had better carry my luggage up to the hotel." st, John Peters, 944 Fulton robbed of $25 by hold-ups. WEATHERORECAST Snow tonight and probably Wednesday for Chicago and vi cinity; not much change in tem perature ; lowest tonight about 26 degrees above zero; diminishing northwest winds tonight, becom ing variable by Wednesday,