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Newspaper Page Text
"Didn't Ah hear yo' wife beat
in' de carpet ovah at yo' house de
oddah day, Mistah Scahbor
"What did it sound lak, Mis
"It sounded like 'whack-whack-whack'!"
"No, dat wuzn't her beatin' de
carpet dat wuz her beatin' me.
By de way. Ah see yo' hab been
layin' in yo' winter's coal."
"Do yo' really? And Ah
thought Ah brushed myself off
when Ah crawled out !"
"Say, kin yo' describe to me
what am 'bric-a-brac?' Ah hears
people of culchah and style talk
in' about bric-a-brac, and Ah
don't know whether it am a dis
ease or de name ob a place in Bul
garia." "Why, bric-a-brac am anything
ornamental but not useful settin'
around de house."
"Den man wife's relatives must
be bric-a-brac. Say, Ah went into
a drug store wif three gals de od
der day and we all set down at de
soday fountain. One ob de gals
ordered a nut sundae, anodder a
banana punch and de odder or
dered a egg phosphate. So I
turned in and ordered something
to eat, too. I ordered a disH ofi
"Well, Ah went into dat same
drug store wif three men. One ob
dem wanted some milk ob lime.
Anodder one asked for rock can
dy, and the third wanted to bor
row a mortar."
"So Ah asked for some Port
"The ushers will now pass
through the audience and dis
tribute clean laundered handker
chiefs preliminary to Mr. Pettin
gill singing that heart-rending
emotional success entitled, 'The
Wad of Gum Under Mamie's
A scorching cyclist was on the
road to Stratford-on-Avon. He
was bent over the handle bars,
and the beads which bespeak the
strenouos toiler were trickling off
"Hi, sonny!" he called to a
passing youth, "am I right for
"Yes, you're right, mister,"
was the dreaming reply of the
leisurely youth; "but you needn't
hurry. Shakespeare's dead!"