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Newspaper Page Text
14 Prominent Citizen and. a
Sassiety .Leader Con
fess Their Goodness.
To the Editor:
I am a prominent man- in, the com
mercial world. My immense' wealth
was made for me by my slave-driven
employes, who are underpaid women
I am a law-abiding citizen. In all
my business dealings my attorney
a most clever chap carefully guards
that I do not overstep the limits prer
scribed by law.
I am a highly respected church
member. I ostentatiously give large
sums of money to my church, where
we have a thrice better religion than
at the church of the- poor; because
we pay our clergy .treble the usual
I am good to the- poor. I lend
small sums of "moireyjtb poorwidows
and rarely charge them more than
ten per cent interest -per .month. I
feed the hungry. Nearly every even
ing do I provide a bountiful repast
for one or more hungry chorus girls.
I am good to little .children. My
paid lobbyists make every effort to
prevent the passage of child labor
Thus can I hire little children to
work for me, thereby teaching them
the real value of a dollar.
I am .benefiting humanity by em
ploying child labor? Too much
learning is a dangerous thing. These
children who work for me are de
prived of their education. The un
hygienic conditions atmy shops and
stores greatly assist the science of
medicine. Hyp O'Critic Snide.
The Sassiety Lady.
To the Editor:
v lam the wife of a prominent busi
ness man and ajnember of the most
exclusive social set. Never do I wear .
the same gown twice. Thus do I lend
beauty tcran otherwise dreary life.
I am charitable. -Every summer I
buyv dozens, of red flannel sjiirts,
which- 'thejmission board of my
-church sends, to the little heathens of
I am a fondJover of little children.
My chauffeur ha's standing instruc
tions not to' run' .my car over any lit
tle children unless it is absolutely
I am uplifting in literature. The
books .of my library are bound in the
most expensive of leathers. My
.speeches at my literary society
wliich are prepared for me at a cost
of-fifty dollars apiece are acknowl
edged by all to be the .best.
, T am a prominent member of my
church. My Parisian ' hats are the
envy of every woman in the congre
gation. ' I am .an. ardent religious
worker. In 'the name of Christianity
I presented-our church with a stained
glass window costing-thousands of
; I am greatly interested in philan
thropy. Whenever :I hear or learn" of
a poor family in need .1 instruct, my
secretary to mail fhem a nicely em
bossed motto card to cheer them up.
I maintain a press-agent service to
advise the newspapers of my gifts to
charity. Mrs. Ima Snob..
Rockefeller is commenting on the
high cost of automobiling, gasoline's
so high. But, before you get to. pat
ting little old John D. on the back,
remember 'tis he who furnishes the
gasoline. John may have to pawn
one of his machines, but you can b'et
your lastTdmono that, gasoline won'.t
come down so youll feel it.
v 0-7-0 ,
"I want you, sir, to correct the
statement you made recently that I
drink like a fish." "All righti But if
you will, stop a moment' to think; a
fish drinks nothing but water, and
only what it needs of that"