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Newspaper Page Text
A 'fat old gentleman was bitten in
the calf of. the leg by a dog. He at
pnce rushed to a justice ofthe peace
ana laid a complaint against a man
in the neighborhood -whom he sup
posed to be the owner of, the; offend
ing cur. The following, was the de
fense offered at the trial':
j'"!. fBy -testimony in favcr of the
rpnerai goo.q cnaracter-oi ?,y aogi
pan prove that nothing; .could make
m so torgetjui ot ms eanme" dig
tv as to bite a calf.
i"2. He is blind and 'cannot, see to
J VS. Even if. he could see to bite.
ould-.be utterly impassible for him
tp.go.;outor ms way-.to.-ao so on ac
count" of his severe lameness.
y '4. Granting his eyeCand legs to
j? "5y ; My dog is always' "muzzled,
hdv chained in the yard;
T "6. My dog died six weeks ago.
"7. I never had a dog."
"L I ( COUUT I BEABLBER SMELL OF )
- T3URHINe CRtfASS, I COULT )
( j VRVEKLF TO CLOSE V
"We need a boy," said the lawyer
to a youthful applicant. "You live at
"With my mother," replied the boy.
"What will you do with your
"Give it to-mother for the church
and the poor."
"What do you. do In the evenings?".
"Read hymns and verses to, moth
"It you should find a quarter on the
floor, how would you spend it?"
"To 'spend it would.be' sinful," the
boy replied. ' "I would try- td' find the
"When I send you on an errand
would you stop onjthe way to fight
or play games?"
"No, sir. Mother, says that to play
games leads to gambling, and that
our little fists were faev.er made to
punch each other's." tieaas with."
The lawyer pondered and- then
said: "Little boy, you are too agoniz
ingly good to work for a lawyer. You
should step right back-into the Sun
day school class, where you evidently
The boy was disappointed.,
"pu don't want. me?"' he queried,
"""Shake, then! I'll go home and
give the old -vvoman fits! She"stuck
to the Btory like glue, and made me
learn all that twaddle. I knew, you
didn't wanfa saint around the office;
but she .would have her way. Sorry,.
v "Hold on!" cried the lawyer. "You
are a boy, after all. Be here tomor
When .General Grant was in Japan
the Japanese-Premier, Prince" Kung, ,
desiring to compliment the general
by telling him-that he was born to
command, tried it in English, with
this result; "Sire, brave general, yoi; '
was made to order." . . , .