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Newspaper Page Text
VHV-felGfiLEl-AGNFS. SHE RP MV
ilMiSMIPP' MOW. WONT Vhi) rtrt UQ Qm
SEE HER? JEST GO RIGHT UP. I'D
go ioch qui &nc 5ENT Me TO
FETCH A BAR
To illustrate that the word "that"
could properly appear in a sentence
six consecutive times and still make
correct EngUsh, this instance is re-
A boy wrote on the blackboard,
"The man that lies does wrong."
The teacher, objecting to the word
"that," the word "who" was substi
tuted. After school one of the older
scholars slyly wrote this sentence un
derneath the first:
"And yet it must appear to the
reader f or all that, that that 'that'
that that teacher objected" to was all
right at tlja."
Sergeant Why haven't you shav
ed this morning? Private There
Lwere eight of us looking in the same.
glass. Sergeant What's that got to
do with it? Private I must have
Nj-shaved another chap!
THE BARGAINING INSTINCT
"Good morning, madam!" said the
grocer's obsequious assistant. "And
what may I have the pleasure of
"A quarter's worth of new-laid
eggs," replied the lady. "And, 'by the
way," she added, "would you mind
giving me those which have been laid
by pure-bred hens?"
"But, madam," expostulated the
young man, "I really "
"D'you mean to say," interrupted
the lady sharply, "that you, who
spend most of your life celling eggs
cannot make distinctions of that
"I'm afraid not," remarked the as
sistant, as he handed a box of eggs
across the counter. "But perhaps,
madam," he added, a superciHou3
smile upon his face, "you wfll be sot
very kind as to instruct me?"
"Certainly I wflV' she replied.
Then, placing a quarter on the
counter, she calmly selected the
twelva biggest eggs in the box, and
walked out of the shop.
THE ROAD TO PERFECTION
At the bidding of the school au
thorities In a certain country town
a doctor visited the local schools and
examined the eyes of, the children.
The next day the teacher sent a note
to the mother of one pupil, saying
that he was "imperfect optically,"
and Johnnie brought back this reply:
"The old man whacked Johnnie last
night, and I took a hand at him again
this morning, so I think you will find
him all right now!"
o o I
An Irishman, going over a museum,
stopped in front of a copy of "Winged
Victory." "And phat may yez call
thot ? " he asked an attendant "That
is a statue of Victory, sir,"was the
answer. Pat surveyed the headless
and armless statue with renewed in
terest "Victhry, is it?" he said.
"Thin, begorry, Oi'd loike to see tha
other fellow !"