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Newspaper Page Text
Sir Leopold McClintock, the Arctic
explorer, was once giving an account
of his experiences amid the ice-fields
of the North.
"We certainly would have traveled
much farther," he explained, "had
not our dogs given out at a critical
"But," exclaimed the lady who had
been listening very intently, "I
thought the Eskimo dogs were per
fectly tireless creatures."
Sir Leopold's face wore a whim
sically gloomy expression as he re
plied: "I er speak in a culinary sense,
Broad By the way, old man, do
you remember borrowing ten dollars
from me six months ago? Short
Yes. Broad But you said you only
wahted it for a short time. Short
And I told you the truth. I didn't
ieep it twenty minutes.
( BRING US
. I ANODDER-
. -Z STRAW1
DIFFICULT TO CATCH
An Englishman who was appointed
to an important post in China got
married soon after. Among the re
cipients of the usual little cardboard
boxes containing a piece of wedding
cake was a Chinese merchant with
whom the bridegroom had an out
standing account for goods supplied.
After the honeymoon, one of the first
persons the newly-wedded husband
met was his Celestial creditor.
"And how did you like the cake?"
said the Englishman, laughingly,
after the usual congratulations.
"Ah, ha!" returned the Chinaman,
with a cunning leer, "me no such
big fool to eat him, sah. Me put
cakeeinfire. Burn him up. He! he!"
"Oh, that's too .bad!" said the En
glishman, very much hurt. "You
might have tasted it at least, out o?
compliment to my wife and myself.
Why didn't you?"
"Me too clute, sah," said the Celes
tial, with the same cunning smile.
"You owe me monee, sah; sendee
poison cakee; I eat him; I die; you
no payee up. Houp-la ! He ! he ! he ! I
know you Ingleesh!"
WOULDN'T MISS IT
A chronic dyspeptic was staying
with a friend,- and when the two were
out for a walk one morning he said
to his host:
"I took a couple of tablespoonfuls
of salt water from the sea yesterday,
and thought I derived benefit from it.
Do you think I might take some
"Well," replied the host, "I don't
think a couple more would be
"Who's that impressive-lookine
woman over yonder?" "That's Mrs.
Peckum. She's a remarkably strong-
minded woman, and they do that she
commands a very large salary."
"How does she earn it?" "She
doesn't earn it. Her husband earns
it, and she commands it"