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Newspaper Page Text
. RIGHT KIND OF WIFE
A man who had been drinking too
!much liquor for his own good was
induced to sign the pledge the other
.day- his wite was aeugnted. fc
took the document and said:
. "You must let me have it. I will
keep it for you."
f So the paper was confided to her
?iistn1v On tho npyf Hnv tho mnn
rwas drinking as freely as before.
"How is this? asked a friend
"You signed the pledge yesterday
and now you are drinking whisky
" 'Tis all right," replied the pledge
signer, in unsteady tones. "I don't
have to keep that pledge. My wife
says she'll keep it for me. That's the
fright kind of wife to have. Let us
nave anotner annk.
To be polite, the Chinese people
vqught to recognize Uncle Sam's rec
ognition of their republic by recog'
nizing it themselves.
jf f WHY M
QUITE A MISTAKE
A gentleman given to habits of
extravagance found himself in the
Bankruptcy Court, and was severely
questioned by the presiding official.
"At what precise date did you first
find yourself in trouble?" asked the
"I beg your pardon, I do not under
stand," replied the gentleman, with,
a puzzled air.
"The question is a simple one,"
sharply. "Please answer it. At what
precise time did your troubles be
gin?" With an air of the utmost perplex
ity, the gentleman gazed round the
court until his wandering eyes fell
upon the anxious countenances of
his creditors, when, with a genial
wave of his hand in their direction,
he said, pleasantly:
"Oh, you must mean these gentle
men's troubles. I can't say I've ever
And on thinking the matter over,
the judge agreed with the bankrupt's
NO TUNES ALLOWED
Not long ago a certain brass band
was engaged to play at a village
feast. On the way there the conduc
tor suggested that they should "have
a tune," but the driver of the wagon
at once objected to the project
"No toons while I drive," he re
"But why?" persisted the conduc
tor. "Surely the horses wouldn't run
"No, said the driver, "they
"Then why object?"
"Simnjy ' becos the poor beggars
couldn't run away if they tried," was
the grim retort. "Their running
away days is over, an' so long as I
drives you ain't a-going to take no
mean advantage of 'em. That's why
I sez no toons."
The conductor subsided, and there
were no toons on tnat journey.