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Newspaper Page Text
"Then you insist that the officer
arrested you while you were quietly
attending to your business?" inquired
"Yes, your worship. He caught me
suddenly by the collar and threaten
ed the man in the dock raised his
eyes in pious horror, toward the roof
Oh, threatened me with horrible
things, unless I accompanied him im
mediately to the police station!
"Hum!" remarked the magistrate.
"And you say you were quietly at
tending to your business at the -time,
making no noise or commotion of
"Certainly, your honor!"
Again the magistrate grunted.
"And what is your profession?"
'Tm an appropriator,' your honor."
"An appropriator? Of what?"
"Of other people's possessions,
your honor. The newspapers, per
haps, would describe me as a burglar!"
SILENCE IN COURT
The defendant, who was charged
for keeping a dog without a license,
made repeated efforts during the
hearing of the case to interrupt the
evidence brought forward against
him, but on each occasion he was
called to silence by the pompous dig
nitary on the bench.
Yet still he persevered. Finally,
therefore, the magistrate, now thor
oughly exasperated, turned to him
and sternly inquired:
"Do you wish the court to under- .
stand that you refuse to renew thQrj
"Yes," replied the defendant
"We want no Tnits!'" roared the
preserver of law and order.- "Your
dog license, as you must be very well j
aware, expired so long ago as the
first of January. You must either H
renew it now, therefore, or be fined
Is that clear?"
"Yes," sighed the defendant;
"quite clear. But in that case, I may
find myself here again next week,
charged with keeping a license, but
no dog. You see, the latter also ex
pired on the 1st of January!"
i o o
hed LEARNT HIS LESSON
Taking with him his best "bedside"
manner, the new vicar set out to visit
the patients in the local hospital.
In one of the wards he observed
a pale young man lying on a bed,
heavily swathed in bandages, and
looking very, very miserable. So the
vicar stopped and administered a few
words of comfort.
"Never mind, my man," he re
marked, in cheering tones; "you'll
soon be yourself again. Keep on
smiling; that's the way in this
"I'll never Bmile again," replied the
"Rubbish! exclaimed the vicar.
"There ain't no rubbisfi about it,"
retorted the other. "I'll never smile
again, I say not at another feller's