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Newspaper Page Text
A GOOD SHUNTER
Old BIddle was a prosperous
tradesman, and, having retired from
business, wished to perch on a higher
plane of society.
Sauntering into the club, of which
he was a newly-enrolled member, he
gazed round for someone to talk to.
Espying an old retired colonel, who
had once nodded to him on the golf
links, he quickly started up a con
versation, turning it to the subject of
the wine they were drinking.
"I have found that many of the
wines are watered," he remarked.
"Now, what do you think of watering
"It's a gross swindle!" growled the
xofQcer, who was wanting a rest
"Yes," agreed the pushful one.
'And what do you think of putting
nd into sugar?
A twinkle came into the sleepy eye
f the listener as he remembered Bid-
e's tradesman's days.
"It's a grocer swindle!" he mutter
ed, closing his eyes.
V. WHY THE FLY DID MOT
. v ARRIVE.
BEWARE OF THE DANGEROUS
At last the' great day had con-.'v
and Freddie actually found himse..
inside the gates of the Zoo.
He had never been to the Zoo be
fore, and had been looking forward
to the promised "treat" eagerly for
weeks past What is more, every
thing he saw exceeded his most hope
While conducting the party round
the monkey-house, Freddie's mother
suddenly discovered that he was
missing, and for a moment was
greatly agitated; but only for a mo
ment Then Freddie came running
back to her.
"Oh, mother mother!" he cried.
"Do come and see' the dangeroos!"
"No, Freddie, not dangeroos," said
the mother gently; "kangaroos."
But Freddie was obdurate; he in
sisted that the animals in question
were what he said they were; and, to
prove his point, led his mother to a
cage on which was the following nc
tice: "These animals are dangerous."
MANY A TRUE WORD
'Twas still early morning when
Dennis, an ardent lover an Irish and
practically penniless lover shyly
went around the back of the big
house to greet bis lady-lave.
"Ah, Bridget, me darlint," he ex
claimed, producing from behind
a ttunch of roses, "I thought you"!
like 'em. They were raised in "ho
v-mld sod raised in the ould sod, o
"How swate of ye, Dennis!" cried
his delighted lady-love. "Simply
lovely they are, and so fresh! Sure,
I do belave there's a little dew on
Dennis looked slightly disconcert
ed, and flushed a trifle. " He was
thinking of the bill not of the mois
ture. "Begorra, I know there Is!" he re
luctantly murmured. Then, with
face suddenly clearing'. "But, praise
the saints, it'll be settled tomorrow!"