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DIARY OF FATHER TIME
Abraham Lincoln, on overhearing one of his friends remark that he was not Jealous of a member of his cabi net who was also a candidate for the presidency, and one who showed great vigor and energy in his depart ment, exclaimed: "My brother and I were once ploughing corn on a Ken tucky farm, I driving the horse and Jie holding the plough. The horse lwa"s lazy, but on one occasion rush ed across the field, so that I, with my long legs, could scarcely keep pace With him. I found an enormous chin fly fastened on him and knocked it off. My brother asked me what I did that for. I told him I did not want the old horse bitten in that way 'Why,' said my brother, 'that's all .that made him go.' h "Now, said Mr. Lincoln, "if Mr. i nas a presidential corn ny biting rum I m not going to knockMt off; it will only make his department go." QUITE A RELIEF Covered by honored years and glorying in inspiring whiskers, was an eminent scientist. In fact, the eminent of the eminent. He gripped his audience like a leech, and held them spellbound. "Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is an established fact," he said "not a fact that has been established a quar ter of a century, mind you, but, still, a fact. I say it again, the sun is losing its heat. One 'day this be-yewtiful wor-rld will be dead. The sun is get ting colder and colder. . In seventy million years its warmth will be no more." The audience sighed as one man a mighty sigh as that of a mammoth vacuum cleaner. It was too, ' too awful. Then up spake a nondescript little gentleman with a bald head and a bold manner. "Pardon me. sir!" he Inquired. "In how many years did you say?" "Seventy millions of years," cams the answer. "Thank goodness! Thank good ness!" muttered he of the thatchless pate in tones of relief. "I thought you said only seven millions!" ' o o BETTER THAN NOTHING The moonlight shone on the lonely house on the hill, where all was peacefully hushed in sleep. A dark form sat m the shadow of the hedge. Suddenly he moved as a soft whistle heralded someone's ar proach. "That you, mate?" he whispered hoarsely, as a stealthy figure ap proached in the darkness. Yes, came the answer. "What yer doin' with that dorg?" he muttered, as his burglar pal ap proached. "Well," answered his confederate, 'there's nothing worth taking in the house, and it's bad luck to come away - empty-handed, so I brought along the watchdog, and these burglar alarms!"