Newspaper Page Text
Not by any means the finest res taurant in the town, the Cafe de Fri , cassee was not to be despised, how ever, even for-the seaside. ' '- Old Mr. Wasser had dined there the -first three evenings of his holiday, but ) there was one point of mystery, one element of quaintness. Invariably he . ordered one dozen oysters, and quite ' as invariably the waiter placed before 'him just eleven of these well-known $biyalvular molluscs eleven and n6 npre. On the fourth evening the same trouble arose. Mr. Wasser looked : cloBely at the plate, tested the multi ; plication again and again with his finest arithmetical acumen, and then i summoned the waiter by means of the cracked, unmusical gong beside i him. ;. "Waiter,", he said indulgently, and yiet withal firmly, "I ordered one ; ',aozen oysters. Now, in my young ; days one dozen comprised precisely .twelve. Why, then, varlet, dost al . iivays bring but a paltry eleven?" The waiter adjusted his serviette to the required- position on his fore arm and bowed elegantly. Likewise Jie went "Ahem!" "Sir," he said, calmly and evenly, ''none of our patrons care to sit thir teen at table!" - FROM BONNIE SCOTLAND s It happened last AuguBt. Tommy .Smith, a lad thoroughly Engllgh In every way, went to spend a part of 5his summer holidays with his cousinB, he McCannies. r For weeks past he had been look tag forward eagerly to this trip, but -when it actually came about the visil proved aBory disappointment to. Hiim. At any rate, Tommy took vio Jgnt exception to the exceedingly Sprain food provided for him in his i cousins' house. For six mornings running his breakfast consisted of nothing more interesting than plain oatmeal a state of affairs intolerable to Tommy, accustomed as he was to a healthy repast of eggs and bacon. Hence, on the seventh morning, when again he found the same dull, stodgy fare before him, he turned to the younger oT,his cousins and plain tively inquired: "Freddie, don't you ever have milk with your porridge?" Freddy laughed. "Eh, James,'' he said to his elder brother, "the ladthinks it's Christ-i mas!" THEMASTER WORD By Berton Braley. , In days of old when wizards dwelt " Within a world of fancy, When imps and gnomes and pixies dealt In spells of necromancy, They had Strang phrases full of dread Uncanny incantations Which, with the proper cadence said, Caused wondrous complications. With queer conniptions, dire and dark, The magic wordB they muttered, And thunder rolled at each remark These old magicians uttered. We have no witches nowadays, No wizard dire who chortles, And yet we have one master phrase Which plays the deuce with mortals. It brings them joy, it brings thena bliss, It brings them endless trouble, It makes a Mrs. of a Miss, Turns single into double. It brings you peace, it brings you strife, It lights the skies above you. i It is the Master Word of life That little phrase, "I love you! o o - Heard at a Restaurant Chatty Walter (glancing out of window) The rain'll be here in a minute or two now, sir. Customer Well, I didn't order it; I'm waiting for a chop.