Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1943 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
SIMPLE TO EXPLAIN
Sweet and coy were they dear
young things enjoying a ride in the
car side by side. A was twenty-five,
"perhaps; B. a shade younger.
"And how many children have
you?" asked B., all smiles, of her cap
"Eighteen," came the pert an
swer. "And how many have you?'
A., by way of reply, remarked that
she had one-and-twenty, at which the
dear, motherly old soul in the corner
sat Doit upngnt, scornmuy, uKe an
aged hen erecting its feathers pre
paratory to a bitter battle.
"Madam," inquired the M.O.S. of
Miss A., "did I hear aright? Do I
understand you to say that you have
more than a Bcore of children? Why
this fanciful flippancy from one so
At this the Misses A. and B. glanced
at each other. Then they burst jit
laughing gaily and uproarously.
"Oh," said Miss B., "we're school
teachers, you know!"
THE UNIVERSAL DEMAND
There isn't any doubt at all
We need to raze the tariff walL
The Cost of Living's far too high
And everything we have to buy
Is in Borne measure, small or great,
Affected by the tariff rate.
So let us watch our congressmen
And urge them on with word and pen
To cut each unjust duty down
For country folks and folks in town,
And thus to drive the wolf -away
Who hovers round the door all day.
It's true there are some duties which.
But serve to make the nation rich
And do not boost the prices much
Such rates, of course, we .shouldn't
We'll slash things all along the line
Except upon your goods and mine,
The Irishman who went up in a
hotel lift without knowing what It
was did not recover easily from the
surprise. He relates the story in this
"I wint to the hotel and, says I,
'Is Mr. Smith in?'
"'Yes,' says the man with the
sojer-cap. 'Will yez step in?'
"So I steps into the closet, and all
of a suddint he pulls the rope, and
it's the truth I'se telling ( yez the
walls of the building began running
down to the cellar.
" 'Och, murther-!' says L "What'll
become of Bridget and the children,
which was left below there?'
"Says the sojer-cap man: 'Be alsy,
sorr; they'll be all right when yez
" 'Come down, is It?' says I. 'And
it is no closet at all, but a haythenish
balloon that yet got me iaV
"And wid that the walls stood stock
still, and he opened the door, and
there I was with the roof just over
my head, and, begorra, that's what
Saved me from goin' up to the heviue