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Newspaper Page Text
The magistrate had the misfortune
to be cross-eyed, the result of which
at times was rather amusing. One
day he had three prisoners before
"What's your name?" he inquired
of the one on the left.
"James Paterson," promptly re
plied the man on the right
The man on the bench turned
round quickly. "I was hot address
ing you, sir I" he snapped.
At this the one in the center, quak
ing and trembling with fear, stam
mered: "I I I never opened my mouth,
Jacob How did you make your
money? Isaac Racing. Jacob I
never knew you betted. Isaac I
didn't. I started a pawnshop just out
side the course for them as wanted
a ticket home after "backing the winner."
The drapery magnate was bom
barding the applicant with the usual
"Are you teetotal?"
"Can you tell a good lie?"
"Well, I'll give you a start." .'
The "young man got on famously .
for a few weeks until one morning a
dainty Parisian damsel approached
him and Bweetly stated her require
ments in the native tongue. The
poor young man was flabbergasted,
not comprehending a single word
Five minutes later he was facing hia
"This is scandalous, sir. When I
employed ydu did you hot tell me
that you could speak French?"
"True," mildly replied the culprit;
"but did you not also ask me if I
could tell a good lie?"
JUST LIKE CHAMPAGNE
At a meeting presided over by a
burly country squire the chief speak
er was a budding orator with a seat
in the Upper House.
Said the chairman, grasping the
nervous speaker by the arm on the
conclusion of his address:
"Your speech was like a glass of
good champagne," here the noble
lord smiled pleasantly "lots of froth
and very dry." '
Then the smile came off.
Johnny What does it mean to say
"seeing the humorous side of things,"
dad? Father well, let us take an
example. How many sides has a ban
ana skin, for instance? Johnny
Two. Father Exactly. And when
some other man steps on the banana
skin he sees the serious side of it,
and you see the humorous side.