The day book. [volume], October 20, 1913, Image 17

About The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917

Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL

                
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REALLY unkind
Sam was reading the paper, when
13. -suddenly he snorted and addressed
Mrs. Sam:
"What tomfoolery, Maria! It says
here that some idiot has actually paid
,a thousand dollars for a dog!"
"Well, my dear, those well-bred
jiogs are worth a lot of money, you
kntfw," answered his1 wife.
-"Yes, of course, I know that! But
a thousand dollars! Why, it's a good
deal more than. I am worth myself!"
"Ah, yes, .Sam! But' then some
dogB are worth more than others, you
"see!"
o o-
i A woman of uncertain age required
the services of a page-boy, and in
serted in the local paper an adver-
-tisement headed: "Youth wanted."
xOne of her friends, with little humor,
band less taste, sent her a bottle of
a ceieoramu wriuKie-iemuver, a pot
of fairy bloom, a set of false teeth
,'and a; flaxen wig! . y
'.TOO MUCH GAS
Mrs. Muggins was making splendid
play with Mr. Muggins' razor-strop.
She was not using it in the usual
way, but more as a lethal weapon,
and on the, person of her son and
heir.
Master Percy Muggins roused the
whole neighborhood with his lamen
tations; in fact, it seemed almost im
possible that one small boy could pro
duce so great a volume of sound. In
fact, the uproar was such that Mrs.
Buggins, from next door, was liter
ally forced to poke her head oyer
the fence and ask the cause of it alL
"The young" ruffian !" panted Mrs.
Muggins, resting the razor-strop for
a moment "He's gone and got about
five hundred feet of gas in him, that's
all!"
"Five hundred feet of gas? Has he
been sucking the pipe with the tap
turned on?"
"No, he hasn't; but he's gone and
swallowed the shilling I had put on
one side for the meter maii--thatfs
what he's done!" And the strop be
gan again.
o o
THE PIGEON LARK "
Reginald was the recognized wit of
the office, and when the new office
boy arrived, it was expected, as a
matter of course, that he would do
something really funny. The boy
was exceptionally green, and Reggie
did not disappoint his admirers.
"Here, boy!" he called. "Run over
to Nibs & Dibs and get 5 cents worth
of pigeon's milk, will you. Here's a
dollar; bring the change back to me,
and be quick About it!" '
The boy set out, but did not return
for some time, and when he did get
back the" chief partner was giving
some orders to Reginald. But the
boy knew nothing of office etiquette,
so he .stepped between Reggie and the
"boss," and produced a live 'pigeon.
'.'Here you are," he said. "Mr. Nibs
says you can jolly well milk the bird
yourself! And there ain'tno changel"
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