The day book. [volume], November 01, 1913, NOON EDITION, Image 17

About The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917

Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL

                
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1 ,. ( TXX- HAY 6E SO, HV FPEUT,
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A SUBTLE DIFFERENCE
Having at last succeeded in getting
an order out of one of the largest
firms in Scotland, after months of
hard work, he purchased a big box of
Lcostly cigars, which he intended to
present to the manager as a tokens
of his gratitude.
But the manager was highly of
fended. "Naw, naw, mon," said he, "I can
na tak' them; it's just bribery, that's
what it is, and me one of councillors
of the toon, too!"
"But surely," persisted the traveler,
"you can accept a present from me?"
"I couldna, mon; I couldna do it!"
"Well, thn, I'll tell you what I'll
sell the cigars to you for a "purely
nominal sum; say, a shilling the box."
"Weel, that's different," answered
the scrupulous one. "An' as you're
so pressin' I'll pay ye cash for three
boxes!"
NO IMAGINATION
Mr. Midge took an extraordinary
delight in digging little facts out of
the papers and holding forth on them
to his wife.
One evening as they sat together,
she sewing and he reading, a smoth
ered grunt of satisfaction warned
Mrs. Midge that her husband had
discovered something which he con
sidered interesting.
"That a most extraordinary thing
most extraordinary, my dear!"
'What is it?" asked his wife, in a
resigned tone that always made him
bpil inwardly.
"Whyy it says here that even if
you pumped water out of the sea at'
the enormous rate of a thousand gal
lons a second a thousand gallons!
it would still take twelve million
years to empty it! Marvelous, isn't
it?"
"Marvelous! Stuff and rubbish
call it!"
"Now, Mary," said Midge, begin
ning the inevitable lecture, "can't
you see "
"Silly nonsense!" said Mary, bit
ing off a bit of cotton. "Where do you
suppose they're going to pump all
the water to, anyway?"
o o
KILLING A VILLAIN!
Claude Fleming:, the famous bari-
Tbne, relates an amusing instance of
"gagging" on the stage m San Fran
cisco. "Die, villain!" the hero of the
drama said, and shot off his revolver
at the villain's head.
But the gun didnlt go off. Six times
the hero pulled the trigger, and not a:
single explosion took place. The" audi
ence was getting hysterical, when
the victim struck an attitude and
said:
"Your pistol has missed fire, Sir
Pavixlcuu f vuh. ivAUk uaaj.. wj-i.s vtvswt? w
make? The thought that I was to be
shot has frightened me to death!"
And he rolled over and died. T
Bits.
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