The day book. [volume], November 01, 1913, LAST EDITION, Image 17

About The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917

Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL

                
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A SUBTLE DIFFERENCE
Having at last succeeded in getting
an order out of one of the largest
firms in Scotland, after months of
hard work, he purchased a big box of
costly cigars, which he intended to
present to the manager as a token
of his gratitude.
But the manager was highly of
fended. "Naw, naw, mon," said he, "I can
na tak' them; it's just bribery, that's
what it is, and me one of councillors
of the toon, too!" "
"But surely," persisted the traveler,
"you can accept a present from me?"
"I couldna, mon; I couldna do it!"
"Well, then, 111 tell you what I'll
sell theigars to you for a purely
nominal sum; say, a shilling the box.7'
"Weel, that's different," answered
the scrupulous one. "An' as you're
so nressin' I'll Dav ve cash for three
boxes!" 1
NO IMAGINATION
Mr. Midge took an extraordinary
delight in digging little facts out of
the papers and holding forth on them
to his wife.
One evening as they sat together,
she sewing and. he reading, a smoth
ered grunt of satisfaction warned
Mrs. Midge that her husband had
discovered something which he con
sidered interesting.
"That a most extraordinary thing
- most extraordinary, my dear!"
"What is it?" asked his wife, in a
resigned tone that always made him
boil inwardly.
"Why, it says here that even if
you pumped water out of the sea at
the enormous rate of a thousand gal
lons a second a thousand gallons!
It would still take twelve mutton,
years to empty it! Marvelous, isn't
it?"
"Marvelous! Stuff and rubbish I
call it!"
"Now, Mary," said Midge, begin
ning the inevitable lecture, "can't
you see "
"Silly nonsense!" said Mary, bit
ing off a bit of cotton. "Where do you
suppose they're going to pump all
the water to, anyway?"
-o o
KILLING A VILLAIN!
Claude Fleming, the famous bari
tone, relates an amusing instance of
"gagging" on the stage in San Fran
cisco. "Die, villain!!" the hero of the
drama said, and shot off his revolver
at the villain's head.
But the gun didn't go off. Six times,
the hero pulled the trigger, and not a
single explosion took place. The audi
ence was getting hysterical, when
the victim struck an attitude and,
said:
"Your pistol has missed fire, Sir
Reginald; but what differenoedoes it
make? The thought that I was to ba
shot has frightened me to death!"
And he rolled over and died. Tit
Bits.
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