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He came home in the small hours
"of the morning, and his loving spouse
confronted him with wrath in her eye
and a telegram in her hand, saying:
"Here is news that has been wait
ing for you since supper-time."
He blinked, looked wise and
"braced up against the hat-rack, felt
through his pockets, murmuring:
V"I left my glasses in town."
"Yes," she replied, with scathing
Irony; "but you brought the contents
"Well," sadly Bighs the young man,
"there is nothing left for me but to
try to forget I" shall enlist in the
army and gtf to Mexico."
"How splendid!" she exclaims.
""And do this for me, Harold," she
jpurrs, while his eyes begin to regain
.their gleam of interest; "when you
vget to Mexico, find out how they do
that Mexican drawn work and send
ine the directions." Judge.
IE? j i 3 m i
PAYING HIM OUT
Robinson was a "traveler." F't
he managed ever to secure such -position
with any firm it is impossi
ble to say, since, poor man, he wa
afflicted with a most distressing stut
However, he had got a job; and one
hot afternoon proceed to call on a
certain very crusty business mail
with a view to getting some orders
Unfortunately, there was no busi
ness to be done, the aforementionec
crusty business man giving Robin
son an emphatic answer in the nega
tive. Robinson, therefore, proceeds
to lock up his sample-case, and tc
take his departure.
Just as he was leaving the roon
the merchant called out to him:
"I say," he remarked, "you must
find that impediment in your speech a
"Oh, n-no I don't," stuttered Robins
son. "Everyone has his p-p-peculiar-ity.
S-sta-stammering is mine. What s
"So far as I'm aware, I haven't i t
one," replied the other.
"W-what? D-don't you s-stir your
co-coffee with your ri-right hand?"
"Yes, of course I do," came the re
tort. "Th-thought so," said Robinson.
"M-most p-people, you kno-know,
use a t-teaspoon."
GOOD LITTLE BOBBY .
"Ma," said Bobby, "is it wrong for
little boys to tie tin kettles to dcja'
"Decidedly wrong, Bobby. I hope
you'll never do" such a thing as that "
"No, indeed, ma," replied Bobby.
1A11 J do is to .hold the dog." Har
A GOOD CASE ..
"Won't you try some chicken
soup?" inquired Mrs. Small of her
boarder, a young lawyer.
"I have tried it, madam," he re
turned sadly, "and the chicken could
easily prove an alibL" Top-Notch.