OCR Interpretation

The day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, December 10, 1913, Image 13

Image and text provided by University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL

Persistent link: http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn83045487/1913-12-10/ed-1/seq-13/

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Judge Bland of Kansas City is stuck and refuses to render a decision.
The point at issue is a most important one and the present dilemma clearly
comes from the execrable mistake of putting a bachelor on the bench.
Which side of the bed Is the wife's? Such is the question that Judge
Bland dodged, whereas his decision might have gone ringing down the ages,
to the everlasting uplift of domestic tranquility and bliss.
It appears that Mrs. S. P. Thomas, who, some time previous, had
sworn to love, honor and obey Thomas, the barber of East 15th street,
complained before Judge Bland and, being first duly sworn, deposed in sub
stance as" follows:
That on a certain night said Thomas approached their mutual couch
upon which deponent was just sinking into the arms of Morpheus; that
said Thomas, observing that said deponent had already warmed a certain
side of said couch, or bed, or other furniture for sleeping purposes, claimed
said side as his and, cruelly disregarding said deponent's rights of pre-emption
and verbal expostulations, forcibly did kick, bounce, "or elevate said de
ponent to the other side of said couch, bed or other furniture for sleeping
purposes, in unlawful violation of said deponent's rights and feelings. And,
further, deponent saith not.
"It was my side qf the bed and she laid there all doubled up," was the
counter claim put in by Thomas, the barber; "and she wouJdn't.move over."
Note well, that Thomas said,-mothing about her warming -Tier feet on him,
night after night, or .about h$t making him get up to chase burglars out of
the fireless cooker, or to see if it were the cat or the baty that was having
colic, all in the dark. No, simply she had warmed his side of the bed, lay
there all doubled up and wouldn't move oyer.
And Judge Bland cannot decide which side of the bed is the wife's. We
repeat that it's because he's a bachelor. Were he a married man, he would
know that in all households where bliss, mutuality and good order prevail,
there is always a her side of the bed and a his side. It is true that she some
times lies all doubled 'up, won't move over and thus creates a bed with only
one side. We have even heard of beds both sides of which were .hers. But,
as a rule, her side and his side are dearly determined, and the inability of
the Kansas City courts to render a decision in the Thomas case is to be re
gretted. Certain it is that the unlicensed, unrestrained lying all doubled up and
refusing to move over would be a far step in reversion to barbarism, and
the courts would do well to stamp-it with their disapproval, especially in the
case of barbers who have to spend the next 'day moving sharp instruments
around people's noses and jugular veins.
o o
In the middle ages rulers thought
they were not safe unless they had
a body guard of alien and republican
Switzers. And- from those earliest
days to the present time many of the
European monarchs have Swiss
guards. It is necessary that every
member of the guard shall be a na-J you. Marjorie Rather! He's good
tive of Switzerland. Dressed in their
wonderful scarlet, black and yellow
uniforms (designed by Michel
angelo), armed with halberd on high
occasions and muskets on oridnary
days, they make a -striking picture.
They sometimes number .about 100,
in addition to other guards.
o o
Madge I hear he's very sweet on
for about two pounds of candy every
week. Judge.
- - -J- ii ' iriiiinwTiirtiTttaiaaattMttfrtt1

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