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Newspaper Page Text
YoU APE ONLY A PoOfc
SoNOU MAY STAY AROUND
-HERE UND SLEEP JH
COAL SCUTTLE. I VLbBE
A "KG BRUDDER TO VtoO:
HE WAS RIGHT
, , The witness was being goaded al-
fh'ost bevond endurance.
r0" "How long have you been at your
trade of tin-roofing? went on the
.pitiless cross-examining counsel.
I have worked at it off and on,
but have only worked at it steady for
the past twelve years."
"How long off and on have you
worked at it?"
; "Sirty-five years."
"How old are you?"
"Then you have been a tin-roofer
"No, sir;, of course I haven't."'
"Then why jdo you say that you
have worked at your trade sixty-five
years?" asked the counsel, with an
air .of triuniph.
"Because you asked how long off
jyj'd on I had worked at it. I have
worked at it off and' on sixty-five
wJaars twenty years on and fojty-
i nve on."
THE SMALL-TIME MINSTRELS
!Yo' been wathin' de styles, Mis
"Hab Ah been watchin de styles,
Mistah Persimmons? Yassah, Ah
been lookin' fo' dat new X-ray skirt."
"De women don't wear as many
clothes as de used to."
"No, sah. De women am gettin
more dilatory ebery day."
"What yo' mean, dilatory?"
"Dey's puttin' off things more all
de time. Say, what am dat yo' got
strapped to yo' legs?"
"Dem is climbers. Ah'm a wireless
telegraph repairer." . .
"But look 'a' here, man, wireless
telegraph lines ain't got no wires."
"Ah knows dey ain't. Ah ain't
s'posed to climb de wires Ah just
climbs de poles."
Hickory Wood, the pantomlne
writer, used to tell an amusing story
of a theatrical manager who once
shared his box at a provincial panto
mime. When the principal comedian
entered and did his best, the man
ager, with a. scowl on his brow, leant
over to Mr. Wood, and remarked, "I
want to engage that man for next
Christmas In my production."
"Do you think he is funny?" Mr.
"Screamingly funny," returned the
"Then why don't you laugh?" ask
ed Mr. Wood. -
"Laugh, when he's got his eyes on
me?" replied the manager. "And ev
ery smile means that he'll ask anoth
er fiver a week."
WHAT'S IN A NAME?
Chairman (at Christmas concert)
Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Brown
will sing "Only Once More." -
Sarcastic Crltic--Thank goodness
Chairman (coming forward' again)
Ladies and gentlemen, instead of
singing "Only Once More." Miss
Brown will sing. 'JFpr Ever and Everl"