Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1949 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
You ape onjy a took
SOt3U (W STAY AROUND
HERE OND SLEEP (H
COAL SCUTTLE. 1 VUBC
A "BIG BRUDRER To MdO:
HE WAS RIGHT
3 The witness was being, goaded al
most .beyond endurance.
"How long have you been at your
ftade of tin-roofine?" went on the
lf$itiless cross-examining counsel.
"I have worked at it off and on,
but have only worked at it steady for
the past twelve years."
"How long off and on have you
(worked at it?",
"Sirfy-flve years." ,
I "How old are you?"
"Then- you have been a tin-roofer
"No, sir; of .courserl haven't."
1 v "Then why do yps-say that you
inave worsea at yocr traae sixiy-nve
years? asked the counsel, with an
air. of triumph.
Because you asked how long off
a. on I had worked at it. I have
orked at it off and' on sixty-five
farg twenty years on and forty-
THE SMALL-TIME MINSTRELS
"Yo' been wathin' de styles, Mis
"Hab Ah been watchin' de styles,
Mistah Persimmons? Yassah, Ah
been lookin' fo' dat new X-ray skirt."
"De women don't wear as many
clothes as de used to."
"No, sah. De women am gettin'
more dilatory ebery day."
"What yo mean, dilatory?"
"Dey's puttin' off things more aH
de time. Say, what am dat yo got
strapped to yo' legs?"
"Dem is climbers. Ah'm a wireless
"But look 'a' here, man, wireles
telegraph lines ain't got nq wires."
"Ah knows dey ain't. Ah am!
s'posed to climb de wires Ah jusfl
climbs de poles." -
Hickory Wood, the pantomind
writer, used to tell an amusing story
of a theatrical manager who once
shared his box at a provincial panto-
mime. When the principal comedian;
entered and did his best, the man
ager, with a scowl on his brow, leant
over to Mr. Wood, and remarked, "I
want to engage that man for next
Christmas- in my production."
"Do you think he is funjiy?" Mr,
Wood asked. I
"Screamingly funny," returned the
"Then why" don't you laugh?" ask
ed Mr. Wood.
"Laugh, when he's got his eyes on
me?" replied the manager. "Aid ev
ery smile, means that he'll ask anoth
er fiver a week."
WHAT'S IN A NAME?
Chairman (at Christmas concert)
Ladies-and gentlemen, Miss Brown
will sing "Only Once More."
Sarcastic Critic Thank goodness
Chairman (coming forward" again)
Ladies and gentlemen, instead of
singing' "Only Once More," Miss
Brown will sing, "Jfor Ever and Ever!'