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( RPESH CEMENT, V. BLEASe! J t THE MODERN BANDITS Robin Hood What luck-today, my merry men Little John Beastly! Not a trav eler have we met. Robin Hood If times don't im prove we'll have to form ourselves into a company and build a hotel. Maid Marian can be the cook; Alan-a-Dale can furnish the music; Friar Tuck can be the bartender; you, Lit tle John, the clerk; and I I'll be the head waiter. Puck. LIGHT ENOUGH A landlady, whose reputation for over-feeding her boarders was not great, brought in the supper-tray, and after she had set the various items before the solitary boarder she Sfcsaid, "Shall I light the gas?" w i ne lone one looKea at me scanty ineal before him and replied: "Weir tiv it isn't' nenesRarv the Kupper is light enough." WORSE STILL "Absurd!" fumed the fussy com mercial, as a -fellow-breakfaster en tered the coffee-room. "Don't know what these hotels are comin' to, I'm sure; I've been here the whole bless ed week, and can't get anythin of a mornin' but eggs eggs eggs." "But they're different eggs," ob served his companion, sadly tucking his napkin under his chin. "Well, of course, they're different," snapped the -fussy commercial. "Then be thankful for at least that consolation," replied the other, "and don't be too hard on hotels. I know a place,, my friend, where I am given a hot joint one day, renew its ac quaintance in a state of frigidity the next, toy with its mangled remains In the form of hash on the third, flirt with it among macaroni and tomato sauce on the fourth, and probably on the fifth detect it lurking yet again in the recesses of a rissole!" "Great Scott!" exclaimed the com mercial, brought away from his own troubles at last. "Where's that?" "In a little place," replied the silent sufferer, "called home!" HAD READ"ROMEO" She was very literary and he was not. He had spent a harrowing even ing discussing authors of whom he knew nothing, and their books of which he knew less. Presently the maiden asked archly: "Of course, you've read 'Romeo and Juliet'?" He floundered helplessly for a mo ment, and then, having a brilliant thought, blurted our, happily: "I've read 'Romeo !" HARDLY LIKELY "Didn't Oliver Goldsmith once live here?" asked the tourist. " "I don't remember the name," said the janitor. "Who was the gent?" "He was a poet "Then it's hardly likely that he ever lived here, sir. We always de mand! the rent in advance."