Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1943 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
WASN'T- QUITE SURE
A Scotchman, in search of work,
succeeded, after much difficulty, in
finding employment at a shipyard in
The job, which consisted mainly in
carrying heavy planks, was by no
means to the man's lazy liking. After
he had been at it for some time,
therefore, he went to the foreman,
"Did Ah tell ye ma name when Ah
started to work?"
"Yes," replied the foreman. "You
nsaid it was Simpson."
-. "Oh, then, that's a' right!" said the
Scot, glancing towards the pile of
planks which he had yet to carry. "I
was jist a-wunnerin' if ye thocht Ah
said it was Samson!"
"John, what made you so late?"
"Wash held hie up, m'dear."
"I suppose if you hadn't been you
Hiever would have gotten here."
, i -
f 7 ( J
A DREARY OUTLOOK
A good lecturer, like a good singer,
knows at once whether or not he is
"in tune" with his audience. And
the professor was a very fine lecturer
Instinctively he felt that his ad
dress on "The Dignity of Labor" had
not gripped the class in the way it
should have done. His suspicions
were confirmed when, on looking
round the gathering of students, he
beheld Percy Fitzwhistle in a semi
somnolent state at the back of the
lecture-room. The professor coughed.
"Mr. Fitzwhistle," he said, "will
you kindly give me a definition of
The blue-blooded one stretched his
legs and yawned.
"Work?" he murmured. "Every
thing is work!"
"Nonsense, Mr. Fitzwhistle!" said
the professor angrily. "You should
choose your words with more care!
According to that definition, the very
chair upon which I am seated is
"So it is, sir!" drawled the aristo
crat, settling himself once more.
THAT FOR YOU
When a street car has its full com
plement of passengers it is never an
easy job to make one's way down the
No one, of course, knew that bet
ter than the conductor; but, seeing
that while collecting fares he had
stumbled twice in two minutes over
the feet of Willie Smith, and seeing
that the aforesaid Master Willie was
quite the smallest passenger on
board, he had a nasty suspicion that
on each occasion a foot had been put
out deliberately to trip him.
"Some people seem to have mighty
awkward sons," remarked the con
ductor, casting a malicious glance to
ward the mother.
"Yes," replied the lady thus ad
dressed; "that's exactly what I was
thinking about, your poor mother I" ,