OCR Interpretation

The day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, March 05, 1914, NOON EDITION, Image 17

Image and text provided by University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL

Persistent link: http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn83045487/1914-03-05/ed-1/seq-17/

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Underneath it lurks der
A gentleman once prepared to meet
possible burglars by purchasing a re
volver. It was a neat little weapon
with "For Burglars" neatly engraved
on, the butt, and he was very proud
of it; but one evening he forgot to
take it upstairs to bed with him as
When he came downstairs in the
morning he found the house despoil
ed of all valuables and this note lying
beside the revolver:
"Thanks; but I always carry my
own! The Burglar."
o o
"Papa," asked James, "wouldn't
you be glad if I saved a dollar for
you?" "Certainly, my son," said
papa, so delighted at this evidence
of budding business ability that he
handed the youth a quarter. "Well,
I saved it all right," said James, dis
appearing. "You said if I brought a
good report from my teacher you
would give me a dollar, but I didn't."
To advertise his business, a dentist
recently offered to fit with false teeth
the twelve aged women in poor cir
cumstances who were the first to ap
ply to him.
The earliest applicant on the ap
pointed day was an old lady in a faded
bonnet, who was politely shown into
the consulting room. Scarcely had
she seated herself, however, than a
red-faced old man presented himself
at the door and gruffly announced
that he'd "come abart them teeth."
"You're making a mistake," the
dentist told them. "I only agreed to
fit twelve ladies with teeth. There's
an old woman inside waiting treat
ment now."
"Aye, an' it's her I'm after," the old
man grimly replied. "Tell her that
her husband's waitin' for her, and
that she's to come back home at
once, or there'll be a rumpus. She's
got an appetite like a horse as it is,
and if ye fits her up wi' a strong set
o' grinders she'll eat both hersel' and
me into the workus in a fortnit! Send
her out this instant, I tells yer!"
And out the- crestfallen old lady,
still toothless, had to come.
o o
"Well, did he pay you?" asked the
wife of a dentist who had been to
collect a bill for a full set of false
teeth he had made for a man almost
a year before.
"Pay me?" growled the dentist.
"Not only did he refuse to pay me,
but he actually had the effrontery
to gnash at me with my teeth!"
o o
An elderly beginner at golf was
playing his first game on a London
course recently, and his' opponent
was struggling with his emotions as
he watched the attempts to hit the
ball. But he was unable to repress a
smile when he overheard his caddy
remark to a friend: "Bill, If he was
a-playin' wiv new-laid eggs his golf
wouldn't cost him much, would it"

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