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Newspaper Page Text
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fevA?iACtt. S006Y FACE YfcUl-T DINK hx UNDERNEATH IT UttKS DEI? ;,(jHOUUSH SPIRIT OF HYENA! v BAM! v. t spc Houuen spirit of a. hyena. : DIDNT NEED IT A gentleman once prepared to meet -possible burglars by purchasing a re volver. It was a neat little weapon with "For Burglars" neatly engraved on the butt, and he was very proud of it; but one evening he forgot to take it upstairs to bed with him as usual. When he came downstairs in the morning he found the house despoil ed of all valuables and this note lying beside the revolver: . "Thanks; but I. always carry my own! The Burglar." o o "Papa," asked James, "wouldn't you be glad if I saved a dollar for you?" "Certainly, my son," said papa, so delighted at this evidence of budding business ability that he handed the youth a quarter. "Well, I saved it all right," said James, dis appearing. "You said if I brought a .good report from my teacher you wouia give me a aouar, dux i aion't." WOltfEEtFOF TEETH To advertise his business, a dentist recently offered to fit with false teeth the twelve aged women in poor cir cumstances who were the first to ap ply to him. The earliest applicant on the ap pointed day was an old lady in a faded bonnet, who was politely shown into the consulting room. Scarcely had she seated herself, however, than a red-faced old man presented himself at the door and gruffly announced that he'd "come abart them teeth." "You're making a mistake," the dentist told them. "I only agreed to fit twelve ladies with teeth. There's an old woman inside waiting treat ment now." "Aye, an' it's her I'm after," the old man grimly replied. "Tell her that her husband's waitin' for her, and that she's to come "back home at once, or there'll be a rumpus. She's got an appetite like a horse as it is, and if ye fits her up wi a strong set o' grinders BheH eat both hersel' and meintotheworkusinafortnit! Send her out this instant, I tells yer!" And out the crestfallen old lady, stQl toothless, had to come. o o RUBBING IT IN "Well, did he pay you?" asked the wife of a dentist who had been to collect a bill for a full set of false teeth he had made for a- man almost a year before. "Pay me?" growled the dentist. "Not only did he refuse to pay me, but he actually had the effrontery to gnash at me with my teeth!" An elderly beginner at golf was playing his first game on a London course recently, and his opponent was struggling with his emotions as he watched the attempts to hit the ball. But he was unable to repress a smile when he overheard .his caddy remark to a friend: "Bill, if he was a-playin' wiv new-laid eggs his golf wouldn't cost him much would' it 7,"