The day book. [volume], March 14, 1914, LAST EDITION, Image 17

About The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917

Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL

                
I
W'S DER MATTER MIT MT Doe?
Ctp HE VANT A KTkoOUCr'OK
71
A SILLY QUESTION
The 'bus conductors were on strike,
and at the last moment their places
were taken by all kinds of men anx
ious to make a little money.
These temporary officials did not
know much about conducting a 'bus,
and even less about conducting them
selves with civility, in spite of the
ifact that a large number of them had
(had the advantage of a university
training.
IS .An old ladv hoarded a 'bus ah Pfn-
j&cadilly Circus, and, after "they had
one a few yards, asked the conduc
tor one of the fallen stars:
."Conductor, do vou aton at. fh
Wmiz Hotel?"
No: madam," came the reply:
not at.present, that is to say I can't
ffprd it!"
i o o .
THE MEDIUM
"''Is there any way of crossing the
jcial chasm?"
-'Sure! Bridge." 7";
CIGARS TREE
Wife How in the w"rid can you
afford to buy those expensive cigars?
HuBband I don't buy them.
"Dear me! You don't mean to say
any friend of yours is rich enough to
giveou such cigars, do you?"
"Well, no, not exactly. That young
man who has got so smitten with our
daughter "
"No more than she is with him."
"rHe's an agent or something for a
big firm of cigar importers, and gen
erally has his pockets full of their
best samples. Well, after we go to
bed and the lights are turned down
he takes them out of his pockets and
puts 'em on the mantelpiece to
keep 'em from getting crushed, I
suppose. Then when it comes to
leaving, between the desire to skip
out making, any noise at such a late
hour and the pain of. saying good
night to our daughter, he forgets all
about them. I tell you, my love, our
datighter has been a pretty heavy ex
pense, but she's sort o' paying for
herself now." Top-Notch.
o o
AS ORDERED
The menu of a certain London res
taurant is a thing of wonder to
strangers. It contains several pages
of various dishes, all classified, most
ly with weird French names.
The country visitor eyed it up and
eyed'it down, but could make noth
ing of it And the waiter stood silent
ly by his side. At last, in despair, the
diner dabbed his finger in the middle
of one page, and said:
"Bring, me some o' that." v
"Qui, nx'sieu!" replied the waiter.
"That ees mayonnaise dressing, sar."
"I vknpw that, my man," snorted
the,couriryman. "I can read!"
'!But, .m'sieu," said the waiter
apologetically, "what will you have
it,on?"
The diner glared. "On a plate, of
course, you idiot!" he roared. "Do
you feedvyour guests in troughs at
this restaurant?" Top-Notch.