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W'S DER MATTER MIT MT Doe? Ctp HE VANT A KTkoOUCr'OK 71 A SILLY QUESTION The 'bus conductors were on strike, and at the last moment their places were taken by all kinds of men anx ious to make a little money. These temporary officials did not know much about conducting a 'bus, and even less about conducting them selves with civility, in spite of the ifact that a large number of them had (had the advantage of a university training. IS .An old ladv hoarded a 'bus ah Pfn- j&cadilly Circus, and, after "they had one a few yards, asked the conduc tor one of the fallen stars: ."Conductor, do vou aton at. fh Wmiz Hotel?" No: madam," came the reply: not at.present, that is to say I can't ffprd it!" i o o . THE MEDIUM "''Is there any way of crossing the jcial chasm?" -'Sure! Bridge." 7"; CIGARS TREE Wife How in the w"rid can you afford to buy those expensive cigars? HuBband I don't buy them. "Dear me! You don't mean to say any friend of yours is rich enough to giveou such cigars, do you?" "Well, no, not exactly. That young man who has got so smitten with our daughter " "No more than she is with him." "rHe's an agent or something for a big firm of cigar importers, and gen erally has his pockets full of their best samples. Well, after we go to bed and the lights are turned down he takes them out of his pockets and puts 'em on the mantelpiece to keep 'em from getting crushed, I suppose. Then when it comes to leaving, between the desire to skip out making, any noise at such a late hour and the pain of. saying good night to our daughter, he forgets all about them. I tell you, my love, our datighter has been a pretty heavy ex pense, but she's sort o' paying for herself now." Top-Notch. o o AS ORDERED The menu of a certain London res taurant is a thing of wonder to strangers. It contains several pages of various dishes, all classified, most ly with weird French names. The country visitor eyed it up and eyed'it down, but could make noth ing of it And the waiter stood silent ly by his side. At last, in despair, the diner dabbed his finger in the middle of one page, and said: "Bring, me some o' that." v "Qui, nx'sieu!" replied the waiter. "That ees mayonnaise dressing, sar." "I vknpw that, my man," snorted the,couriryman. "I can read!" '!But, .m'sieu," said the waiter apologetically, "what will you have it,on?" The diner glared. "On a plate, of course, you idiot!" he roared. "Do you feedvyour guests in troughs at this restaurant?" Top-Notch.