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Newspaper Page Text
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PLEASURE TO COME
A iudere was nnnp trvinp- n rne in
1 U-which the question arose whether the
defendant, a vocalist, was competent
to'fulfill his contract. One of the wit
"Well, he could not sing like the
"I have never heard the Archangel
'Gabriel," was the comment.
'I'ho Aara vanMari Vlo11-r YtrtJ-l. A
K gentle sarcasm, "That, sir, is a pleas
l' rtire to come."
-HE NEVER WOULD
Pat and Mike were obliged to halt
their heavily loaded, cart to make way
for a funeral. Gazing at the proces
sion, Pat suddenly remarked: "Mike,
I wish Iknew where I was goin' to
die. L'd give $1,000 Hto know the
place where I'm gom' to die."
1 "Well, Pat, what good would it do
r"tt yez knew?"
VLots I" said Pat "Shure, I'd niver
go near thot place."
Keeping it in the family
It was Mrs. Malloon.'s birthday, and
she felt a trifle disappointed that
there was no gift beside her plate. It
was the first time in twenty years
that her husband had forgotten the
occasion. Mr. Malloon smiled, at her
"My dear," he said, "I have been
so busy lately that I have not had
time to buy you a birthday gift; but
I'll give you the cow."
She thanked him graciously.
"Daisy is a beautiful cow," she said.
Two months later Mr. Malloon's
birthday came around. When he ap
peared at breakfast his wife greeted
him with a radiant smile. "My dear,"
she said, "I have been so busy lately
sewing for the children that I haven't
had time to make you a birthday gift;
but I'll give you the cow." Judge.
ALREADY HAD ONE
A gentleman once prepared to meet
possible burglars by purchasing re
volver. It was a nice little weapon
with "For Burglars" neatly engrayed
on the butt, and he was very proud of
it. But one evening he forgot to take
it upstairs to bed with him as usual.
When he came downstairs in the
morning he found the house despoiled
of all valuables and this note lying
beside the revolver:
"Thanks; but I always carry my
own! The Burglar."
"Are you really going to marry
"I don't know what to say. All the
girls in my class read his letters."
"Eighteen of them think him a
dear, and nineteen say he's a dub."
VERY GOOD REASON
Judge Why did you marry two
Bigamist It takes two women to"-
support a man with the present high,
cost of ,living.