Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1949 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
jpM.iwrutgsijifcBii l4ilfftMaH.Vl!M!j.l'J P4ilWJiiWJWliM
I y , "x "
I f HE HASS v
THE FRENCH FOR IT
Mrs. Pnttroi-Avres hnri nirlrerl nn n
,3 lew French phrases which she work-
eu mio ner iaiK on every pusmuie oc
'casion. Entering the butcher's shop
one day she inquired if he had any-
Boned what, ma'am?" asked the
"Bon - vivant," she repeated.
'That's the French for good liver,
s Waiter Were you ringing the bell,
I . Customer (after long wait) Ring-
r it! Great Scott, no! I was tolling
(j I thought you were dead ! Every
"She Charles, what's a-cabaret?
wjl Jtie a cauaret ira place mat takes
Liihe rest out of restaurant ana" puts
the din in dinner. Princeton Tiger.
THE WEARYING CHASE
Tommy could not understand why
his teacher thought that the follow
ing paragraph from his composition
on "A Hunting Adventure" lacked
animation and effectiveness:
"Pursued by the relentless hunter,
the panting gazelle sprang from cliff
to cliff. At last she could go no
farther. Before her yawned the
chasm, and behind her the hunter."
THE PRUNE CLUB
"Why is a pie like a silver dollar?"
asked the thin boarder, coming to the
"Because it's round," ventured the
little stenographer, with a titter.
"too, Flossie; you're wrong."
"Because it goes so fast," suggest
ed the fat man, who was two weeks
behind in his board.
"All wrong. Here it is: Because
it is composed of four quarters."
The lecturer raised his voice.
"It is my belief, and I venture to as
sert it," he declared, "that there isn't
a man in this audience who has ever
done anything to prevent the destruc
tion of our vast forests."
A rather timid, henpecked-looking
man quietly arose in the rear of the
hall and said:
"I erI've shot woodpeckers."
-Will says that when he kissed you
last night he noticed that you'd been
"Well, all I've got to say is that a
man who will notice onions on a
girl's breath when he's kissing her
hasn't got his mind on his business."
"I want "just one little kiss!" he
"Yes, sir," replied the absent
minded shop girl. "Will you take it
with you or have it sent?" Fun. ,