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Newspaper Page Text
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A steamboat was stranded in the
Mississippi, and the captain could
not get her off. Eventually a hard
looking fellow came on board and
"Captain, I understand you want
The captain asked, "Are .you a
"Well, they call me one."
"Do you know where Jhe sand
, "No, sir."
1 "Well, how do you expect to take
ie out of here, if you don't know
Vwhere they are?
t "I know where thev ain't!" was
.. o o
Just before I went away I asked
er ifI couldn't give her some little
en to remind her of me." J
"What did she suggest?" I
"A belt." N. Y. World.
sm , 'tok
The Earl of Shaftesbury once call
ed a meeting in connection with cer
tain work, and only two people turn
ed up himself and a very fat report
er. After waiting, and no one else
coming, the earl said he would dictate
his intended speech. The reporter
took out his notebook, and the earl
"At a large and respectable meet
ing held "
"But that's not quite correct," ob
jected the reporter, as he swept his
hand round the empty hall.
"Come, come," said his lordship,
"are you not large, and am I not re
spectable?" o o
THERE WAS A REASON
A gentleman who had married his
cook was giving a dinner party, and
between the courses the gold lady
sat with her hands spread on the
Suddenly the buzz of conversation
ceased, and in. the silence that fol
lowed a young man on thevright of
his hostess said pleasantly:
"Yes, t"hey may be," said the old
time cook, wifh .heightened color;
"and yours would be like them if you
had done half my work."
THE JROUBLE WITH ANTONIO
Tony was not exactly the cleanest
and sweetest boy in the class. Other
scholars protested against sitting
next to him. So one day the teacher
penned a short note to Tony's mother
suggesting that an occasional bath
wouldn't do Tony any harm.
Next morniflg Tony brought a
written reply from his mother.
"My Tony ain't no rose," it read.
"Don't smell him. Teach him." N.
"She turned to him with an icy
"And what happened then?"
"Hisjsrords froze on his lips."