Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1949 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
J ' fAf&GX WA6S J-v 1
I VELUtWV MANY
"Doctor. I'm feelins- awful. I can't.
feat, I can't sleep, I can't "
"I can cure you," said the doctor,
""if you'll take my advice. Go and
ask her to marry you." Cleveland
rShe And 111 have a little from-
e benedict with cordial modoc
!He 'Who told you I was a million-
urer uorneu widow.
y o o
gMajor Schnapps I want a rug for
ie bar of the golf club.
Assistant Yes. sir: you want
)mething for hard wear.
I .notice that young Broke failed.
What was the trouble?"
Oh, j guess people didn't take
COULDN'T BE DONE '
A New Yorker tells of his sojourn
at a certain hotel in the Carolina
mountains, says Lippincott's Maga
zine. At about 8 in the morning he
was aroused from a sound slumber
by a knocking on his door.
"What is it?" he shouted.
"Telegram fo' you, boss," replied
the darkey on the other side of the
door. "Will you open the door?"
The New Yorker was angered by
this. "I will not!" he yelled back.
"Can't you slip it under the door?"
"No,.boss," was the response, "it's
on a tray."
BEWARE OF HIM
Crawford The man who can look
happy whenhe isn't makes a good
Crabshaw But you'd better not
sit in a poker game with him. New
o o :;&.
Mr. Wyde HI! waiter, there's a
chicken in this egg.
Mr. Narrow 'Sh! don't tell him.
He charged me a dollar for one yes
terday, an' it wasn't much bigger
than that 'un. Magazine of Fun.
Subscriber Why do all comic
papers print a lot of other comic
papers' jokes is it professional eti
quette? EditorNo professional jealousy.
Each wants to show the other up.
Suspicious Customer What soup
Waiter It's bean soup, sir.
Suspicious Custonler I know It
has been soup, but what isit now?
ALAS, TOO TRUE .
"There are more important things
in life than money."
"Yes; but you haven't the leisure-
to notice them, if you haven't got
much stock in. him,"
the coin." JudgQ
AaO!l4alkdstlhtlf'- gASfet,'?ftgf . &tfuobittMfifcfcu