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-" AN OBITUARY
During a concert tour of the late
Theodore Thomas and his orchestra
one of the musicians died, and the
following telegram was immediately
dispatched to the parents of the de
ceased: "John Black died suddenly today.
Advis6 by wire as to disposition.'
lira few hours the answer was re-
'feceiveijt reading as follows:
we are oroKen-neartea; ms dis
osition waB a roving one."
V o o
W Mrs. Whittler What delightful
manners your daughter has
jars, tuner iprouaiyj es; you
see, she has been away from home so
much. Smart Set.
He If I call pa "pop." "why can't
ta31 -ma "mrvn?"
She If you do, she'll wipe the floor J
with you Magazine of Fan. 1
The lady who had ckarge of a cer
tain village pastoffice was strongly
suspected of tampering with parcels
entrusted to her care. One ds?y a
rosy-cheeked youngster, dressed in
his best clothes, entered the office and
carefully laid a huge slice of iced
cake oh. the counter.
"With my sister the bride's com
pliments, and will you please eat as
much as you can?" he said.
The postmistress smiled delight
fully. "How very kind of the bride to re
member me," she cried. "Did she
know of my weakness for wedding
"She did," answered the youngster
coldly, "and she thought she'd send
you a bit df it this afternoon, just to
take the edge off your appetite before
she posted any boxes to her friends,"
For a solid hour the captain had
been lecturing on "The Duties of a.
Soldier," and he thought that now
the time had come for him to test the
results of his discourse.
Casting his eye around the room
he fixed on Private Murphy as his
"Private Murphy," he asked, "why
should a soldier be ready to die for
The Irishman scratched his head
for -a while; then an ingratiating and
enlightening smile flitted across his
"Sure, captain,' he said, pleasant
ly, "you're quite right. Why should
A GOOD CROWD
"My fther is dead," said a leading
man in a heart-broken voice. "We
buried him today."
"Was there a large attendance?"
asked a friend. Then a smile of de
light flashed into the bereaved lead
ing man's face.
"Large attendance!" he cried. Mj
boy, we simply turned 'em awaj