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Newspaper Page Text
fcJk'FFEf? TO CHOIM 3DR FEDERALS- )
Sw VANT US'fbR A BATTERY J
J(3 BEY NEED US Xo CflBRV
The poor woman's husband had
just been sent to jail. She was weep
ing bitterly and a sympathizer said to
, "Now, now, don't take it so hard!
Two years is a long sentence, I know;
but he may not have to serve it alL
Convicts who behave themselves
often get out months before their ap
"That's iust it" the woman sob-
"bed. 'Joe-can be an angel when he
"He has written a new play."
Yes. The heroine is a married
"Oh, I know. And falls in love with
: ""No. That's the original part of it.
sThe plays shows marriage to be a
acred relation that someeople take
.seriously, and get a good deal of hap
piness out of." k
A FRIEND IN NEED
Sir Squire Bancroft went to call on
a friend who was ill, and, "medicine
Itime" coming round,, he poured out
some of the invalid's mixture and of
fered it to him.
"No," said the invalid, obstinately,
"I won't take any more of that beast
"Oh, come," coaxed Sir Squire, "do
take it, for my sake. You know I'd
do anything for you."
"Would you really?" asked the
"You know I would!" declared Sir
"Ah!" sighed the invalid, sinking
back with an air of relief. "Then you
take the medicine for me!"
, The schoolmaster was giving hifl
class a little serious talk about lazi
ness, and was drawing a picture of
the habitual loafer and his ultimate
"Now who," he asked dramatically,
" is the miserable, worthless, wretch
ed individual who gets food, clothing,
and shelter from his fellows and gives
nothing whatever In return?"
There was an instant's breathless
silence, and then a small voice
"Please, sir, the baby!"
HIS RAKE-OFF '
English Guide (showing places of
interest) It -was in this very room,
sir, that Wellington received his first
American Tourist Indeed! And
how much commission did he get?
"At what period in life should a
man's income be largest?"
"It is usually reported to be largest
at the period of his life in which his
wife tries to show the court how
much alimony he could pay." SL