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Newspaper Page Text
ON HIS JlCNITY
As one of the" great South African
liners was steaming intp Southamp
ton harbor a grimy coal-hghter float-
T ed immediately in front of it. An offi
cer on board the vessel, observing
Ir::?" "Clear out of the wav with that.
The lighterman, a native of the
Imerald Isle, shouted in reply:
"Are ye -the captain of that ves-
"Np," answered the officer.
J'Then-snake, to veraiarials." said
5?at; "I'm the captgin of this."
DILLriN A PICKLE
Mr. and Mrs. C. L. Dfll are still here
t the home of Squire Milton. It
eems that they checked their trunks.
mud their tickets, which were around
fby Hot Springs, were in the trunks.
wthey don't know what to do now ex
cept to have Hot Springs open their
trunks and send them their tickets.
Mercyville (Pa.) Barmen,
WHY MEMOIRS ARE tXME ' "
A great man once said to a friend:
"I think I'll write my recollec
tions." "Very good," said the friend; "but
let me caution you not to recollect
anything about celebrities' that are
"Oh," said the great man, "living;
celebrities are just the ones I want
to write about They're the ones that
will toake my book sell."
"Very well," said the other; "but
remember my warning."
"Why, what's the danger, any
way?" "The danger," replied the other, "is
that as soon as you begin to recol
lect things about living celebrities
they will begin to recollect things
ONE ON THE VOICE
Lecturer Ladies and gentlemen,
we shall cdnsider this eyening the
fundamental principles of architec
ture. The Etruscans
A Wandering Voice How d'ye
build a dog house?
Lecturer (solicitously) Are you
going to move? Judge.
o o ;
"What experience have you had
operating a typewriter?" asked the
-I," replied the applicant, running
skilled fingers lovingly over the key
board, "was a pugilist for 10 years."
Magazine of Fun.
"What made you think Mr. Love
twet had been drinking?"
"Why, when the charlotte russe
was set before him he tried to blow
off the foam." Boston Transcript
Bill How did her singing strike
Jill Oh, as usual, I was the inno
cent bystander. Yonkers Statesman.
Z M.tAj. .j