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Newspaper Page Text
THE CORNER GROCERY MEDIATOR
' By Fred Schaefor.
Man on. the Cracker Barrel I've
thought it overa long time now, and
I know what this Mexican crisis is all
about. Old Hoo-erta simply aimed
to git a little money in circulation at
Vera Cruz. Soldiers is good spenders
when they have it. That's why every
town wants an army post
The Grocer Huh, helva 'welcome
they give 'em, shootin' 'em down with
snipers. How many of us did they
Mil 17 or 19?
. Boy (entering) Ma wants a
dime's wortha .prunes, an' a boxa-soda-crackers!
" Fellow With a Crutch I fergit
which. But it shows we ain't to be
trifled with. If that hammer hadn't
dropped on my foot, believe me, I'd
be down there packin' a Springfield
Casual Loiterer What's those
snipersT Are they anything like a
Fellow With a Crutch (with super
iority) They're gorillas that sneak
around and pick off anything.
Man -on the Cracker Barrel (ab
stractedly annexes a dried herring)
Yep, that's it
Grocer (petulantly) That's all
that saves my cheese from snipers
a wire cage to keep 'em from picking
off- anything. ,
The Old Vet (coming out of a rev
erie) Now when I was orderly in the
147th Massachusetts cavalry
Man Who's Been There A person
that hasn't lived three years in Mex
ico doesn't know what it's like for
Grocer (with, interest) Wuz you
there that long! Did you ever meet
Man Who's Been There Naw I
never had no horses nor nothing at
all worth taking. I ran a curio store
Boy (to keep from forgetting)
Dime-swortha-cheese t anna - boxar
Casual Loiterer How's the cli
mate down there? .
Man Who's Been There Depends
on where you are.' Best climate's
generally where they's the worst peo
ple. Man on the Cracker Barrel (f orag- .
ing the hominy) Mow 'em down
with a maohine gun, that's what I
say. I wonder what a machine gun
Old Vet (beginning over) Now!
when I wuz an orderly with the 147thN
Grocer Why, anybody knows
what a machine gun sounds Tike. It
sounds like let's see
Boy (rapping impatiently on coun
ter with coin) Rat-at-at-at-at-tat!
Grocer (brightly) There! just
Fellow With a Crutch This Car
ranza ain't such a heavyweight. He
never pulled a trigger nor cut a
throat in all his life. All he has to
do is act lady-like and take orders.
Villa's the Mark Banna of that bunch.
Man on the Cracker Barrel (creat
ing a diversion so he can amass a few
raisins) There goes a customer out!
Grocer I wonder what he wanted.
Casual Loiterer Yes, and If he
tries to double-cross Villa he'll die a
natural Mexican death some morn
ingpoison or bullet, and a coroner's
verdict of measles.
Fellow With a Crutch I guess you
felt pretty leary down there, didn't
Map Who's Been There Never felt
safer in my life.
Man on Cracker Barrel But I no
tice you hot-footed outa there.
Man Who's Been There Sure I
came out tJnele Sam pays the ex
penses of all refugees don't he?
Catch me overlooking a vacation trip.
First I knew of any war down there
was when the illustrated weeklies be
gan coming in. That's because the