Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1963 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
- - "' T 1'
)S. NO VENTILATION UNO DERN.
V eSS LEAKS UNDDERE
1SS to SOAP UMD -S
"fcWELS UNO EJ S
3X& HAT.R5 SLEEP ,
AH, WHAT THEN?
, She was crossing the ocean for the
first time. One morning,' as the cap
tain was standing near her, she said:
"Pardon my ignorance, but how do
you manage to find your way across
;.the trackless ocean?"
, "By means of the compass, mad
:,am," replied the gallant captain.
4& "The needle invariably points north."
"But, queried the woman, "sup
pose you want to go south?" Pitts
3 0 0 -
THE BRIGHT SIDE
A lawyer said to a financier who
as complaining bitterly about a suit
e had lost:
Bide of things. Try to be like the old
woman whose nephew, was hanged.
f This old' woman, on the way home
from tne execution, said witn a curl
bf the lip:
5 A-UCVllXk. WUU00 W1 KJLA., IAflXg
ey naa to pay $o ior tne rope.' "
TO" PREVENT IDLENESS ' '
A colonel wanted a man servant, so
he inserted an advertisement in the
"What I want," explained the colo
nel, "is a useful man one who can
cook, drive a motor, look after a pair
of horses, clean boots and windows,
feed poultry, milk the cow, and do a
little painting and paperhanging."
"Excuse me, sor," said Murphy,
"but what kind of soil have ye here?"
"Soil?" snapped the colonel.
"What's that got To do with it?"
"Well, I thought if it was clay, I
might make bricks in me spare time."
An Irishman Walked into a store
the other day and said: "Oi want to
get somethin' for mourninr wear, but
Oi don't exactly know what the coos
tom is." .
"It depends," explained the sales
man. "For a very near relative you
should have an all-black suit. For
some one not so near-you may have
a broad band of black on the left arm
or a somewhat narrower one for
somebody more distant."
"Och! Is that it? Well, thin, gim
me a shoestring. It's me woife's
INSULT AND INJURY
"Very sorry we collided, young
man.. Give me your name and ad
dress." "Tommy Brown, Ocean avenue
and Liberty street."
"All right, Tommy. I'll call tomor
row and get -your mother to .take out
an accident insurance ploicy for you
in the company I represent." New
"And will you give us your bless
ing?" pleaded th,e newly married ones
of her father.
"Sure thing," grunted the old man;
"but the board will' be at the usual
rates." Pennsylvania Punch, Bowl,