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Newspaper Page Text
OT SHOU.T BE GoRRggrtJir. uuP
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BAD FOR TRADE
A man with a large bundle of
sporting papers went Into a London
fried-fish shop the other day and
asked how much he was to receive
- "Nothin'," snapped the owner of
the shop. "It don't pay me to wrap
up fish in sportin' pipers. My cus
tomers reads 'em."
"Well, an' what then.? Are you
afraid they'll be backin' the tips?"
"That's just what I ham afraid
on," responded the purveyor. "They
heats their bit o' fish, "reads the tips,
backs their fancy, an' drops their
brass. Then they 'as ter stance for a
week or two, an' my fish is left on my
NO "DEAD ONES" HERE
"Pretty brisk village, they tell me."
i. "Brisk! I should say it was brisk."
,There ain't a bachelor in it an'
there's only two old maids, an'
4-neither o' them is more'n 27."
Cleveland Plain Dealer
TEACHER WAS WRONG
Little Willie's father found his
youthful son holding up one of his
rabbits by the ears, and saying to
him: "How much is seven and seven,
"Bah!" the father heard the boy
say, "I knew you couldn't. Here's
another one: Six and six is how
"Why, Willie what in the world are
you doing with your rabbit?" asked
Willie threw the rabbit down with
disgust. "I knew our teacher was
lying to us," was all he said.
"Why, how?" asked the father.
"Why, she told us this morning that
rabbits were the greatest multipliers
in the world, and this dummy can't
"TOOTTOOT! FAREWELL." "
In a discussion of the number of
automobile accidents due to careless
or incompetent driving, Henry Ford
said the other day:
"Old Corn Husk's little grandson
said to him one day, pointing to the
horn on an automobile that had halt
ed for repairs:
"'What's that there thing for,
" "That, sonny,' old Corn Husk an
swered, 'that is the thing they toot
afore they run ye down.' "
AN INSOMNIA CURE
"Doctor," said he, "I'm a victim of
insomnia. I can't sleep if there's the
least noise, such as a cat on the back
fence, for instance."
"This powder will be effective," re
plied the physician, after compound
ing a prescription. '
"When do I take it, Doctor?"
"You don't take it. You give it to
the cat in a little milk."
"Gee! I had an awful fright last
"Yes; I saw you with her." Ha
yard Lampoon. j