The day book. [volume], July 01, 1914, LAST EDITION, Image 17

About The day book. [volume] (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917

Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL

                
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BAD FOR TRADE
"A man with a large bundle of,
sporting papers went Into a London'
fried-fish shop the other day andi
asked how much he was to receive
for them.
"Nothin'," snapped the owner of
the shop. "It don't pay me to wrap
up fish in sportin' pipers. My cus
tomers reads 'em.
"Well, an' what then? Are you
afraid they'll be backin' the tips?"
. "That's just what I ham afraid
on," responded the purveyor. "They
heats their bit o' fish, reads the tips,
backs their fancy, an' drops their
brass. Then they 'as ter starve for a
week or two, an' my fish is left on my
'ands."
o o -
NO "DEAD ONES'iHERE
S "Brisk! I should say it was brisk."
"There ain't a bachelor in it an'
. 2fc -there's only two old maids, an'
neither o them iB more n 27."
Cleveland Plain Dealer,
TEACHER WAS WRONG
Little Willie's father found his
youthful son holding up one of his
rabbits by the ears, and saying to
k him: "How much is seven and seven,
now?"
"Bah!" the father heard the boy
say, "I knew you couldn't. Here's
another one: Six and six is how
much?"
"Why, Willie what in the world are
you doing with your rabbit?" asked
the father.
Willie threw the rabbit dowpr-with
disgust. "I knew our teacher was
lying to us," was all he said.
"Why, how?" asked the father.
"Why, she told us this morning that
rabbits were the greatest multipliers
in the world, and this dummy can't
even add."
o o
"TOOT-TOOT! FAREWELL."
In a discussion of the number of
automobile accidents due to careless
or incompetent driving, Henry Ford
-said "the other day:
"Old Corn Husk's little grandson
said to him one day, pointing to the
horn on an automobile that had halt
ed for repairs:
"'What's that there thing for,
grandpop?'
" 'That, sonny,' old Corn Husk an- '
swered, 'that is the thing they toot
afore they run ye down.' "
o o
AN INSOMNIA CURE
"Doctor," said he, "I'm a victim of
insomnia. I can't sleep if there's the
least noise, such as a cat on the back
fence, for instance."
"This powder will be effective," re
plied the physician, after compound
ing a prescription.
"When do I take it, Doctor?"
"You don't take it. You give it to
the cat in a little milk."
CORROBORATIVE
"Gee! I had an awful fright last
night"
"Yes; I saw you with her." Har
vard Lampoon. j
A
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